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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Dd won’t bring her boyfriend here because she says I’m embarrassing.

36 replies

VivaLeBeaver · 06/12/2017 18:30

She’s 16yo, they’ve been seeing each other a couple of months. Go to his house most Saturday afternoons/evenings. So she’s met his parents and say they’re nice. Don’t think she’s embarrassed by the house as she says his is a similar size (only have a 3 bed semi).

I’ve promised not to be embarrassing, have said he could come over for dinner sometime if they want.....she has dinner at his with his parents. Have said after dinner I would keep out their way and go upstairs and watch tv in my bedroom if she didn’t want to spend time upstairs with him so they could have the living room. But nope.

Is this normal? I don’t think I’m particularly embarrassing. I don’t tell bad jokes, fart at the table or anything like that. Part of me thinks I’m not that bothered but I do feel a bit bad she doesn’t want to be here.

OP posts:

Fekko · 06/12/2017 18:31

You need to take it a bit slower - a cup of coffee is about as long as you can expect!

Ummmmgogo · 06/12/2017 18:33

😂 yes the majority of teenagers feel like this. her boyfriend is weird (or maybe a year or two older!). it shows you have a good relationship where she feels she can say anything to you I think xxx

Original poster

VivaLeBeaver · 06/12/2017 18:33

I guess. We’re 8 miles out of town though so seems a bit of a trek to come over for a coffee. We’re on a train line though.

OP posts:

TwitterQueen1 · 06/12/2017 18:34

this is an easy one OP. Because you're her mum! that's why. Don't overthink it or stress about it.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 06/12/2017 18:35

I think she's being really rude and I'd call her out on that. Ask her how she would feel if you said that you wouldn't let her meet your friends because she embarrassed you. She has hurt you and has done it deliberately - that's really not a nice way to behave.

Original poster

VivaLeBeaver · 06/12/2017 18:35

But he’s happy to have her at his house so can’t think his parents are that bad!

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 06/12/2017 18:35

Are you a lot posher than his family? (just thinking of the ‘only a three bed semi comment’). I’m just wondering if she’s worried you’ll look down on him?

DancingOnParsnips · 06/12/2017 18:36

Tell her you don't want them in the house together - she'll be nagging to bring him over within minutes.

64BooLane · 06/12/2017 18:39

Did she say anything specific re how you are embarrassing? Or just that you are?

mommybunny · 06/12/2017 18:45

Do you have other DCs OP? If so, they are more likely the problem than you.

If not, yes it hurts. And it is perfectly reasonable to want to meet your DD’s boyfriend face to face (have you?). Any responsible parent would. And therefore reasonable for you to insist you get the ability to put a face to the name. If you can’t get her to have him over to dinner, why not meet somewhere neutral like a high street/shopping mall coffee shop? That will keep the visit constrained by time and they can take off by themselves when it is all over?

Crazybunnylady123 · 06/12/2017 18:47

Only a 3 bed semi is what I have an I condsider myself lucky. Sheesh!

Proudtrout · 06/12/2017 18:58

Try not to take it too personally- I used to spend all my time at my boyfriends at that age and once we were an established ‘couple’, we spent time at both parents.
Without wanting to support a gender stereotype (but blatantly doing so) girls think alot more than boys about how they may be perceived etc. They’re probably at his parents because it hasn’t occurred to her boyfriend to worry about it!! Tough age though, good luck op xx

Tinselistacky · 06/12/2017 19:01

Could it be his parents allow them unsupervised upstairs and you won't,?

PrincessoftheSea · 06/12/2017 19:05

Perhaps boys are not as embarrassed of their parents as girls? My DS always brings his girlfriend back here, but never goes to her house and her parents drop her at the end of our road when she comes to visit so have never met them. Very weird. My DS hangs out with us a lot so probably does not realise how embarrassing we really are

rabbitsdontlayeggs · 06/12/2017 19:11

It may well be that it's him that doesn't want to meet you, not because he's horrible because he's nervous and she's covering it up.

But I distinctly recall being mortified by any of my friends seeing or speaking to my mother at that age and she wasn't embarrassing at all. It was just being a stupid teenager. I refused to go into town with her for ages in case anyone saw me!

I would tell her that her comments are hurtful but not give it any more headspace than that. She'll grow out of it (and in a few years will probably treat you to the 'sorry I was such a little cow mum, I love you' speech that I gave my own mother!)

Gingernaut · 06/12/2017 19:15

He may not have been happy at his place when she met the parents.

He may well have been dying a thousand social deaths every time one of his parents said a word. Or breathed. Or moved.

How assertive is your DD conpared to her DBF?

Original poster

VivaLeBeaver · 06/12/2017 20:12

Sorry, I mean we only have a 3 bed semi so I’m thinking there’s not a lot of space downstairs. Only one reception room and then a kitchen/diner.

But she said he lives in a house a similar size so I didn’t think she wanted to go there as there’s a bigger house.

No siblings here, he has a sibling.

Anyway have talked more, told her I was a bit hurt but more importantly I didn’t want her or him thinking they couldn’t come here or his parents thinking I wasn’t been welcoming.

She thinks it would be awkward being here with him and me. Turns out he has a conservatory they can hang out in. So we’ve come up with a plan that she will bring him over one Saturday soon. I will stay a short while and then go to the gym for a couple of hours. Come home, we can have pizza and then I can drive him home.

OP posts:

Original poster

VivaLeBeaver · 06/12/2017 20:13

And dd is assertive, no idea about the BF as I’ve never met him!

OP posts:

Teenageromance · 06/12/2017 21:36

Have a similarly aged dd and her and her boyfriend spend equal time at both houses. She has never said I’m embarrassing. We let them have the living room at ours and he comes for meals and we all watch a film together occasionally. Maybe it’s because there is just you and her in the house, maybe she is feeling a bit odd having a boyfriend in front of you. Who knows with teenagers but it sounds like she is willing to shift on this.
Still find dds boyfriend a bit awkward to talk to though. Watching films is good as it is less pressured.

TabbyTigger · 08/12/2017 22:26

This is definitely not uncommon. My DS has always been fine bringing round his girlfriend but I’m sure he was seeing her long before we met her, and the first time she came she spoke about 4 words to me. Meanwhile my friend has a DD18 and DS16. DD18’s first boyfriend was on the scene for months and spent plenty of time in their house before he was allowed to sit down for tea with the family because of the “embarrassment”. DS16 has recently got a girlfriend and also put off the full introduction for as long as possible a he let slip that he’d had tea with her parents and then used the exact same “but you’re so embarrassing.”

Funnily enough my 12 and 13yos think she’s quite a cool mum

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 08/12/2017 22:45

I used to prefer going to my bfs house as I'd have sex there and I was to scared to have it in my own house.
Blockbuster and chill. 😁

ggirl · 08/12/2017 22:46

It probably just the problem of not having a private hang out space.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/12/2017 09:05

My 16 year old DD is exactly the same, first boyfriend but won't bring him to our house. He's 18 and has a car and she makes him wait at the end of the road. They don't seem to go to his house either though, just out for meals or the gym.

I'd love to meet him and don't think we're any more embarrassing than other parents in their late 40s!!

NataliaOsipova · 10/12/2017 09:07

Blockbuster and chill

😂😂😂😂😂

If it's any consolation OP, my 8 year old has already pronounced me the "most embarrassing mummy ever". It's not just you!

Timmytoo · 10/12/2017 09:10

I think she’s embarrassed by him and saying it’s you. There’s something about him that she doesn’t want you to know about possibly. I don’t think it’s you at all. That’s why she can hang out with his parents as they obviously know him etc.

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