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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

13/14 year olds and parties???

26 replies

hilary2012 · 11/05/2016 13:51

So my DD who will shortly turn 14 and wants a party for her birthday. OK with that :-) now the nitty gritty - she asks me 'will you be in the house?' I respond of course I'm staying in the house BUT I will be discreet....she says everyone drinks or brings drink to parties now - I say maybe some shandy and a punch bowl.........she says other parties finish at 1/2 in the morning - I say I think midnight is reasonable.... The is my first experience of child's house party and would love to know what other people think is reasonable at that age....many thanks

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 11/05/2016 14:05

Ha ha ha at her list - she's trying it on

NONE of the people I know do or have ever done this

Parties finish at 9/10

There is no drink

Numbers are very small if at home - or larger and at a village hall

At home pizza is ordered - in a hall masses of crisps/coke

Groovee · 11/05/2016 14:09

10/10 for trying. All going home by 10pm, no drinking at that age and parents in the house.

FeckinCrutches · 11/05/2016 14:15

She really is trying it on. My 16yo old has been going to house parties for the last year. Parents are generally upstairs, only allowed downstairs to put pizzas in the oven. Generally finish at 11/11.30 at the latest. They do take alcohol but have only been allowed at about 15. No way at 13!!

TheSecondOfHerName · 11/05/2016 15:36

I have a 16 year old. The parties he is invited to tend to finish at 11pm to midnight, parents are in the house but not visible, there is some alcohol and we started letting him take a couple of bottles of WKD once he turned 16.

I think your DD is testing the boundaries.

TheSecondOfHerName · 11/05/2016 15:40

I also have a 14 year old. Pizza, ice-cream or popcorn, soft drinks only, Netflix/movies/DVDs, parents in the same part of the house but not in the same room, everyone gets picked up by 10.30.

roundandroundthehouses · 11/05/2016 15:46

She's trying it on! At that age, and a fair while after it, there'd be 8 to 10 people, parents in the house out of sight, emerging to dish up food and then skulk away again (with plates of food). No alcohol! Home at midnight or possibly a girls' sleepover, but the boys would go home at midnight.

poisonedbypen · 11/05/2016 15:46

Ditto, 16/17 year old here - parties finished by midnight, there is now some booze (since 16) & we did have to go & get him when he overdid it one evening. He hasn't done it since.

SpinnakerInTheEther · 11/05/2016 15:47

Regarding drinks, you could set up a juicer and have various fruits and sparkling water ready to make fruit cocktails. I would have quite liked that, at that age.

titchy · 11/05/2016 15:53

Year 9 I assume? She's having a laugh!

Year 9 = finish at 10.30 and NO alcohol (seriously why have you agreed to punch - I'd be very fucked off with you if you provided alcohol to my 13 year old).

Year 10 - same as above but a later finish.

Year 11 - midnight finish, turn a blind eye to anyone that brings a bottle of beer. Confiscate vodka unless you wanting to spend the evening phoning other kids parents and mopping up vomit.

Above all do NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.

Once they're at sixth form you can leave the house

GeorgeTheThird · 11/05/2016 15:56

I wouldn't be impressed if you gave alcohol to a thirteen year old either.

titchy has it right

TheSecondOfHerName · 11/05/2016 16:00

Confiscate vodka unless you wanting to spend the evening phoning other kids parents and mopping up vomit.

As the parents of one of DS1's friends found out..

Original poster

hilary2012 · 11/05/2016 16:23

Re titchy. I was thinking of a fruit cocktail when I said punch and I haven't "agreed" to anything. That's why I posted to find out what others thought. I haven't even agreed to the party yet!!!
I do agree though that if my 14 year went to someone else's house and was given alcohol I would not be happy. She says that the boys bring it with them.....Guess I'll have to get her big brother to play bouncer on the door and confiscate!!

OP posts:

titchy · 11/05/2016 16:28

Your OP said shandy and a punch bowl. Both are terms for alcoholic drinks where i come from.

But good, don't provide alcohol, do provide bouncers and adequate supervision.

Hulababy · 11/05/2016 16:53

Dd is 14.
The parties have no alcohol. Tbh at the moment dd and her friends are just not wanting alcohol either. We allow dd to try alcohol but she doesn't like really like it.

Only parties that go on late are sleepovers. None finish in the early hours. Not sure we've ever had to pick dd up late after a party ever - maybe 9ish at latest. Anything later has been a sleepover involved. The sleepovers are not mixed either.

At one friends house they have more freedom due to where she lives - farm. But it's still supervised to an extent with no alcohol etc.

As for parents staying - any at night/ evening yes parents are around. Dd did have some friends round for dinner earlier this year - the girls cooked for one another. It took place from about 4/5pm and was a sleepover. Dh and I did go out - went for dinner at our local pub a walk away. But we were out only a couple of hours, not late and knew there was no risk of any issues with the girls.

eyebrowsonfleek · 11/05/2016 17:09

My neighbour had a house party for her son as a 14th birthday. It was very loud but ended at 10pm. We live on a cul de sac and it was hot so they spelled onto the street. It was loud but no anti social behaviour and she sent a note round which was I was grateful for.

eyebrowsonfleek · 11/05/2016 17:10

It was no alcohol and she stayed upstairs (which is a good viewing point for seeing what's going on outside)

CrazyMammy48 · 11/05/2016 17:57

My DD had a party for her 15th at home. There was no alcohol and it finished around 11pm (though a few were staying for sleepover).
I know she has been to some parties where there has been alcohol and that is with the parents in the house, allowing it. I disapprove but then again I drank alcohol at house parties when I was 14/15 (without my parents knowing) and I turned out okay ish!! Well - not an alcoholic and I passed my exams.

My view is if you don't approve then don't allow it - but maybe accept that it might happen somewhere else anyway.

FreshHorizons · 11/05/2016 18:05

Welcome to the world of 'everyone does.........' And 'everyone else's parents lets them..........' - you will probably hear a lot of it!
Smile, nod and do what you are happy with.

Sadik · 11/05/2016 20:14

Stil on sleepovers here, so end-time not an issue, but I thought I was being soft hearted buying them real coke (admittedly we live in hippy-land where coca-cola is the starting point to death and damnation) and posh crisps!

Definitely NO to alcohol (yes, they may be sneaking it somewhere, but no way is it going to be with parental approval) and NO to parentless parties.

Original poster

hilary2012 · 11/05/2016 20:45

I was ALWAYS going to stay at home - made that very clear to her. I have offered her at family do's, along with her siblings from the age of 12 ish onwards, a sip of champagne for example. Do not believe in banning and consequently glamorizing alcohol. SHE HATES IT and has never got past a spat out sip of wine.
She has one friend who I heard her running mate say - " oh so and so will be disappointed" and I'm beginning to think that their is some peer pressure here. That leads me onto another problem - one friend who although is in the same year as her is nearly hitting 15 and that I don't like at all!! Flirty, rude and very into boys....... mmmmm god its so complicated.

OP posts:

notsureaboutthis1992 · 11/05/2016 20:57

I don't think it's that weird or that she's trying it on, from my experience a fair few 14/15 year olds have parties with alcohol that finishes at 12/1am (not 2am though). This was certainly the case when I was that age, not too long ago, and the same for all the years below me when they reached that age

Travelledtheworld · 11/05/2016 23:22

Neighbours had a huge party for their 14 yo DD and thought they were being cool offering alcohol. It got into Facebook. Dozens of kids gate crashed. There were drunken girls staggering down the street! Shrieking. Kids being sick in the garden. Several cars were keyed. And they did finish at 11pm thank god.....

corythatwas · 12/05/2016 10:41

I did not agree to this kind of party when mine were that age. The risk of something happening either to my child or somebody else's child was far too great. In my books, alcohol is a far greater threat than sex at this age. I would do small numbers, invitees only and a definite finishing date. If that is uncool, she will have to do without a party until she is older.

scarlets · 12/05/2016 16:49

The kind of party she describes starts at 15/16 round here, in general, with a no spirits rule and a 12am finish.

corythatwas · 12/05/2016 18:35

agree with scarlets that 15/16 is quite young enough for the kind of party described

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