What do you say to your DD who asks why should I tidy my room?!

[ArtyFartyQueen]

Just that really....stroppy DD with an attitude the size of the whole house, is trying to debate with me why she has to have a tidy room, she seems to genuinely think it's ok for her whole floor to be covered in rubbish, wet towels, clothes etc and I need to have some good answers to back me up as "because I say so" is clearly not cutting it. I expect her Dad has been telling her that it's not important (helpful!)

I'd have a different approach, I'd let her have her room as messy as she likes as long as it doesn't spill out into the rest of the house. That way it makes sense that "you don't have to keep your room tidy, but you have to keep OUR house tidy"

Because you can't keep it clean, if it's untidy, and her things will get smelly.

If her clothes get smelly because she's not looking after them, people at school will notice.

If things are not put away, they're more likely to get broken or lost.

Because it is your house & you have the right for her not to devalue the house by attracting damp, mould & vermin.

Because if her friends seen the state on it she would be the talk of them and not in a good way

I tell her it's unhealthy and will get mouldy/she could get ill. Also that it's MY house and until she pays the bills she has to live by my rules.

When she ignores all that, I confiscate her phone and tablet until it's done.

I'd say 'If you don't do it, I will. And I'll be ruthless'.

In this house she would find it cleared out for her whilst at school. Into black bin bags which would be in the dustbin or the tip.
(I would hide any valuable items and nice clothes but any throwaway fashion clothes would go).
Less stuff=less mess

"Because I said so and I'm the adult." Suffices here.

"How embarrassed would you be if I invited your friends over and the whole house was covered in my knickers, dirty plates, used tissue, mice running about, a weird smell, me not giving a damn about it?"

"The reason I know how to tidy a house is because I was made to tidy a room when I was your age. Start learning '

Because coming home to all your possessions were in the bin, after bins have been emptied is not fun?

Because there won't be any pocket money or lifts anywhere if it's not done.

We give in on tidy but we insist on clean.

No plates, rubbish, dirty washing, wet towels etc is ok and we don't let friends/boyfriend in the house if its insanitary.

She's 16 this week and has been keeping it ok since about october.

Seems to be working and best, is also working for her brother (14) and sister (12)

I stopped trying several years ago. Told dd I wasn't bothered if it was untidy. When her friends were due round, she started asking me to help her tidy it up as she couldn't manage it by herself - as it was in such a mess (and I suspect she was embarrassed about her friends seeking it like that).

I'd say "You make a start and I'll come upstairs in a while to help out". She was then really pleased and grateful that I'd helped her.

Or you could hit her where it hurts and say no friends come over, you don't stay at any friends...even better you don't go out till it's done! And if she storms off do what purple says

muddling I do that with DD occasionally. Threaten to come in with a bin bag and Hoover. Whatever is still on the floor gets binned! (She can salvage a couple of bits from the bag before it goes though).

Mould, smell, stuff getting lost, stuff getting trod on, clean clothes mixed in with dirty clothes, mice. I'm not that fussed about messy but I do insist on clean.

I don't get drawn into debates anymore, I did at one time.
Now, with only dd left, she just gets told.
I give a length of time and then go in with a bin bag, it goes in the wheely bin never to be replaced by me.
It's amazing how tidy they become.

Because if there is a fire you will trip and hurt yourself in the way out. It's dangerous.

Because you'll get bugs- show her a picture of carpet beetles, moth larvae, they are seriously icky.

Agree with newlife4me, tell her if she doesn't tidy it up whatever is out goes in bin. Do it with one item and they learn to tidy pdq.

Seriously OP you need to pick your battles. Untidiness is one thing (and tbh id shut the door on it), but dirty plates atc and wet towels is minging.

Id do the following:-

Give her one bath sheet and one bath towel in a bright colour. These are hers. All others are not hers. She doesnt put them in the laundry basket regularly only she will suffer.

Give her a new plate bowl and cup.in a disti ctive colour - again she only gets food and drinks on these.

Do not launder a single item of her unless she put it into the basket.

It's unhygienic.

It's smelly.

It's childish.

It's stressful (she'll be happier if her space is tidy.)

It's disrespectful to the person who owns the house and paid good money for the things she is carelessly ruining.

When she moves out to a student flat/a house share/in with a boyfriend she will cause massive resentment among her flat mates if she leaves a trail of mess behind her. She'll be the one no one wants to share with.

Because it's my responsibility as a parent to ensure you are prepared for the real world and that involves basic house upkeep

You are teaching her essential life skills! You are enabling her to care for herself and her environment properly.

I find just saying I'll do it seems to make DD Spring into action- she is probably hiding something and hates me going in her room!
I found putting a bin and laundry basket in her room has improved it somewhat, it is a harsh 10 steps to the bathroom, so having it right there, there's no excuses.