What do you say to your DD who asks why should I tidy my room?!

[ArtyFartyQueen]

Just that really....stroppy DD with an attitude the size of the whole house, is trying to debate with me why she has to have a tidy room, she seems to genuinely think it's ok for her whole floor to be covered in rubbish, wet towels, clothes etc and I need to have some good answers to back me up as "because I say so" is clearly not cutting it. I expect her Dad has been telling her that it's not important (helpful!)

Choose from the following:
Because if you don't I will take a bin bag in prior to hoovering and chuck anything in my way.
Because if you don't you will never find your pocket money/phone etc I've hidden
Because I have hidden a (most disgusting thing you can think of) and you won't be able to sleep before you find it.
Because I won't give you a lift anywhere or pay for anything for you until you do what I asked!

Oh god, I was such a messy teenager and even though I'm 31 and now keep a reasonably clean, organised home and I know how to do it, all your responses are still making me want to say 'oh just fuck off it's my room'!

Mrscog

I still feel I am fighting a loosing battle, but when I feel it is too messy I tell her that I will not be buying her any new clothes till she shows that she can take care of the ones she has. That usually prompts a clean up.

It's her room let her have it how she wants. However you give her a wash basket and only wash clothes that are in it.
Shut the door and forget it. She'll learn. But don't ever point out you were right.

Mrscog I'm glad I'm not the only one!

When she moves out to a student flat/a house share/in with a boyfriend she will cause massive resentment among her flat mates if she leaves a trail of mess behind her. She'll be the one no one wants to share with.

This is not necessarily true, my DD has just moved into a shared house and feels like the odd one out as she is the only one who finds the place filthy. Her bedroom at home was always reasonably clean and tidy but my heart sank the other day when she said she had got used to the dirt and mess. I feel like all my good work is being undone.

It is easier to find the things you need if your room is tidy.

If they are all over the floor, you risk breaking and damaging things.

If you put your dirty clothes in the washing, they will be able to be washed, and be ready next time you want to wear them.

If you have food scraps in the room, they may go mouldy and smelly, and may attract vermin.

It is much more pleasant to be in a tidy room, with your special pictures and possessions on display.

It is a much more pleasant place to entertain friends, if it is tidy.

It is much more pleasant to dry yourself on a dry, fresh smelling towel, than a wet musty smelling one. Your body will pick up the musty smell from the wet towel, and you will smell like that all day.

Your mother will feel less resentful if you show you have made an effort, and will be more inclined to do you favours.

I do agree, though, Mrscog.

You can say all these things to your DC, but ultimately, they are the ones who have to live with he consequences of their room being a shit tip.

Ask her which of these rooms she sees herself in and would like to invite her friends round to:
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=i5.asn.im/hoarder-bedroom-_vmbu.jpg&imgrefurl=news.asiantown.net/r/48747/how-a-messy-room-affects-your-sleep-hoarders-take-longer-to-nod-off-and-are-more-dozy-in-the-daytime&h=365&w=650&tbnid=wZGcGx1K9Ha1tM:&docid=L5lbOgNiikT8hM&ei=Os-xVq7mBIrSUdn-negO&tbm=isch&ved=0ahUKEwiu65_CqtvKAhUKaRQKHVl_B-0QMwgxKBIwEg" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">This one.

Or:
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=3.lushome.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/turqouise-color-modern-interiors-room-colors-4.jpg&imgrefurl=www.lushome.com/22-ideas-use-turquoise-blue-color-modern-interior-design-decor/156893&h=597&w=625&tbnid=fl2E-XckkUwdzM:&docid=HqKQYUlm-Pg-XM&ei=-M-xVr-KO8n7Uv_srbAE&tbm=isch&ved=0ahUKEwi_5qKdq9vKAhXJvRQKHX92C0YQMwhQKBQwFA" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">This one.

Then ask her which one she thinks hers will look like if she doesn't tidy it!

If you can afford it, it might be worth offering to redecorate her room and sort out storage so it's something she's proud of and feels like it's her own. Look on Pinterest for images of beautiful, organised rooms. It doesn't need to cost much, a few shelves and boxes from Ikea, a new duvet cover, a blind and a lick of paint might spur her into taking a bit more pride.

Obviously she'd need to prove that she can look after her room first though.

I just leave it until it gets repulsive

in half term I turn the wifi off until they've cleaned it

I think that actually it is a good question. It is her space, why shouldn't she have it as she wants?

I would change tack. It has to be hygienic, otherwise it will attract mice cockroaches etc That means no food plates/cups or food rubbish. It means emptying her bin (if you are nice it could mean you give her a bin and you empty it once a week). Any food found upstairs = simple consequence. For ds it could be removing the jar of hot chocolate from the cupboard!

If you want clean clothes you have to put them in the wash, otherwise I am not washing them (wait until the first day with no clean school shirt, shrug your shoulders and say 'I've washed everything in the laundry basket')

if your want your room hoovered, you have to pick stuff up off the floor. But if she doesn't do that, you can either dump everything in a heap on the bed and hoover, or remove screens until she clears it and hoover, or tell her she has to hoover it as you can't and no screens/allowance/going out until the job is done.

I would link some of it to screen time/allowance etc. So, my dcs have to change sheets on Saturday and no TV/screens til it is done.
But I would also back off, if she chooses to have a floordrobe, it is her room. She won't continue into adult life like that.

'Because I pay for this environment (house) and so I get to choose what the environment looks/feels/smells like.'

So far, the response has just been a bit of grumbling under the breath. But if they actually refused to keep their rooms (fairly tidy and fresh) I would just suspend all taxi services, allowance and remove their phones until the job was done.

because it is disgusting, entitled and wasteful.
because she should be bloody grateful for a decent roof over her head, in a world where a billion don't even have a toilet.

give that those won't work with a brattish teen: remove the beepy toys until she stops leaving filth around. That is rubbish, food and wet items. If she wants to live in a pile of clutter, that's her problem.

start rationing the towels too - she only gets to use the damp smelly ones until she starts being more helpful.

Good point. Why should she? It's her room.

You can insist on the standards you want everywhere else in th Ouse- in her room it's entirely up to her.

I'd not say anything it's her room and she can take the consequences, it won't take long for her to work out how to have clean clothes and bedding.

I can't think of any good reason, certainly very few of the ones that have been suggested here. It is her room. As long as there aren't dirty food dishes then she can have it how she likes.

I hate this controllingness some parents have over their children's room. Plus it's all bullshit, my room was a tip growing up yet I still managed flat shares no bother.

My mother's policy was to shut the door and never set foot in our rooms. Clothes not put in the laundry basket were not washed. Clean clothes not put away would be binned.

It worked! We totally believed she would bin our stuff. She was always very good at following through :)

If we chose to live in mess it was our own problem. We were in charge of cleaning our own rooms. Funnily enough they never got that bad. As adults we are all very clean and tidy.

Forgot to add - food was not allowed upstairs, which helped reduce the potential for squalor.

If you want clean clothes you have to put them in the wash, otherwise I am not washing them.

Why would you otherwise? Why make more work for yourself? I do enough washing as it is.

Release a couple of big spiders into it and when you hear her scream, tell her it's the mess that's attracting them. Lots of crumbs of food and clutter to hide under.

When we had the dreaded summer of spiders, I had at least one massive git in my room every.fecking.night, I told my oldest, that the mess in his room would give them somewhere to hide, you never saw a room get tidied so quick.

Truth be told, I would never get close enough to a spider to catch it in the first place.