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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Help please, she's refused to do the one thing I've asked all holiday WWYD

42 replies

icouldjusteatacroissant · 23/08/2015 14:56

DD2 15. wanted to go to a friends 10 miles away but no money, so i offered to pay her £8 bus fare if she posted a birthday card through a door about 5 mins away, in the opposite direction to the bus stop.

she told me to do it myself, why should she do it, she's not walking to post a stupid card. so I took the bus fare back and said she could have it when she had taken the card for me.

point blank refusal, now not going anywhere and is holed up in her hovel again.

wwyd please? was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 23/08/2015 14:58

Not BU at all. When she stops her tantrum and apologises she can take the card and the bus money and go.

HirplesWithHaggis · 23/08/2015 15:00

You were perfectly reasonable. Let her fester.

wankerchief · 23/08/2015 15:01

Nope, not unreasonable. She had the choice.
Leave her to fester in her hovel.

fattymcfatfat · 23/08/2015 15:01

i would leave her to sulk. yanbu in any way whatsoever. she had the option of posting the card and visiting her friend or not posting and not visiting. she made the decision not to post it so she doesn't go.
but I don't have teens yet, so maybe not the best to advise? (although I was one about ten years ago!)

BoffinMum · 23/08/2015 15:02

YANBU
Absolutely stick to your guns

MyballsareSandy · 23/08/2015 15:03

Not unreasonable at all. No card, no money.

I feel your pain. We came back from hols yesterday and Ive asked my 14 year old DD to empty her case and bring down her washing several times today. She hasn't moved off the sofa so I've now lost it and taken her phone and iPad Angry

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 23/08/2015 15:04

Let her stew on it. She may get bored and do it or she may sit in her room and slowly realise she's made a fool of herself.

DD 14 is currently cleaning the kitchen because I have with held her pocket money. She was away all week (with extra spending money) with a friend so did none of her allotted chores to earn it. When she asked for it today I said she'd have to earn it by doing her own holiday washing and cleaning the kitchen.

She huffed for about half an hour but must have realised I'm much more stubborn then she is!

wankerchief · 23/08/2015 15:06

Oh dear MyballsareSandy I hate to say it but I've been waiting 6 days for ds1s holiday washing.

He's out of clothes so surely will have to do it soon and when he does I will be right behind him with snarky remarks, can't help myselfBlush

Glitteryarse · 23/08/2015 15:07

Don't back down!!

My toughest time was when dd1 was 14-17 she had been a breeze till then and is a breeze now. Hang on in there!

Wine and lots of it!

BoffinMum · 23/08/2015 15:07

Ds2 (14) willingly picked up piles of weeds in the garden yesterday and barrowed then over to the green bin and stuffed them in properly before returning wheelbarrow. No fuss. I nearly needed a gin and a sit down.

MischiefInTheWind · 23/08/2015 15:08

That's fine, nice clear choices and consequences. Uncomplicated.
I hope you continue in that calm and reasonable pattern for the next few years, without guilt. Smile

SurlyCue · 23/08/2015 15:09

wwyd please?

Nothing. Youve already done it. She's been given the consequences. She is entitle to dislike them and even disagree with them. You dont have to persuade her that youre right. You dont need to do anything. She can sulk. The only conditions under which she gets the money is by posting your letter. Until then, you do nothing. Dont back track and dont try and soothe her feelings.

AnyFucker · 23/08/2015 15:10

you did the absolute right thing

now stick to it

sherbetpips · 23/08/2015 15:10

You handled it perfectly now don't give in x

MischiefInTheWind · 23/08/2015 15:13

Don't give in, and don't get into an argument or a discussion about it.
Teenagers can be like the Everready bunny, going on and on long after the rest have given up. Rather like toddlers.

mummyfumble · 23/08/2015 15:15

Does she spend a lot of time out of the house? With DS I am so desperate for him to get out, see friends and be active in some way that I avoid penalising anything potentially positive. Even when he has been at his most hideous, I have always paid for activities, provided lifts and given out spending money, because to me the benefits were overwhelmingly important. However, DS has a backstory and this probably doesn't apply to you Smile.

Original poster
icouldjusteatacroissant · 23/08/2015 15:17

oh thank you all! she has the ability to make me feel like I am the most unreasonable mother ever.

It feels so petty, but its the constant aggro from her that makes me doubt my decisions.

OP posts:
Original poster
icouldjusteatacroissant · 23/08/2015 15:22

she does spend a lot of time out yes. but then she will stay in for a couple of days and just stay in her hovel.

the problem here is her downright laziness and selfishness. it's all about her, like so many of the mums dd's on this board.

OP posts:
Charis1 · 23/08/2015 15:29

good for you! Stick to your decision! if only more parents were prepared to be as reasonable and firm as you!

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 23/08/2015 15:31

mischief choking at 'eveready bunny' Grin

Fireandicicles · 23/08/2015 15:33

She'll get bored soon and offer to post the card, although if she does offer I would accept that, give her the bus fare and then post the card myself so it doesn't get thrown in the bushes.

MischiefInTheWind · 23/08/2015 15:34

'the problem here is her downright laziness and selfishness. '

Which is why weeping and sulking don't work on them, but a simple barter system makes sense. (I don't call it bribery)
Do this in exchange for that. Or not. Their choice.

BoffinMum · 23/08/2015 15:34

She will give in at some stage. The calmer you are, the quicker this happens. It will be with really bad grace though.

You can tell I have been a parents of teens for 15 years, can't you?!

MischiefInTheWind · 23/08/2015 15:35
Smile
CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 23/08/2015 15:35

The selfishness is the thing that gets to me too. Like when DD makes herself a cuppa but doesn't think to ask me if I'd like one.

I end up feeling like an evil slave master just for asking DD to do something. But in reality, we are a family and we have to work together. My mother was a typical 50's housewife so it was a bloody shock once I moved out to my own house (at 16!) For that reason I like to show mine what it takes to keep a house reasonably tidy.

It gets easier to ignore the "I'm the only kid in the world that has to earn pocket money" thing...