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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Help please, she's refused to do the one thing I've asked all holiday WWYD

42 replies

icouldjusteatacroissant · 23/08/2015 14:56

DD2 15. wanted to go to a friends 10 miles away but no money, so i offered to pay her £8 bus fare if she posted a birthday card through a door about 5 mins away, in the opposite direction to the bus stop.

she told me to do it myself, why should she do it, she's not walking to post a stupid card. so I took the bus fare back and said she could have it when she had taken the card for me.

point blank refusal, now not going anywhere and is holed up in her hovel again.

wwyd please? was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 23/08/2015 15:37

We all need t-shirts with 'I am not your slave' printed on.

whatsinthename · 23/08/2015 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
icouldjusteatacroissant · 23/08/2015 15:59

ha yes! and already we have a result. she came down and calmly asked for the WiFi to be put on. you can guess what I said. she shouted and complained how unfair I was. then the door slammed. the thing is though she took the dog as well. if i had asked her to do that she would've refused.

i did say I would be checking the card has arrived at its intended destination, and not in the nearest bush as was pointed out!

so she's back holed up in the hovel now, until she gets hungry. she obviously gave up on the bus fare. too late in the day.

thanks all for your back up. this parenting lark is so easy when I have the mumsnet army to call on Grin

OP posts:
nicestrongtea · 23/08/2015 16:43

The secret is not to react.< practice pokerface>
Offer fare in exchange for bus fare- teenager huffs and rails "its sooooooooooooooo unfair"
Ignore tantrum, post own card ,then smile sweetly when she comes down to post it cos she wants the bus fare
"oh sorry too late, I posted it myself" no bus fare forthcoming.

She will bite your hand off next time! Grin

poocatcherchampion · 23/08/2015 16:46

Was turning off the WiFi part of the punishment too?

cashewnutty · 23/08/2015 16:51

I assume OP told her DD that the wifi would go back on if she went and posted the card...

nicestrongtea · 23/08/2015 16:56

Hmm not sure why the wifi went off?
DD was offered cash in return for a chore.
Her choice whether to accept it or not .

She was after a reaction, dont give her one!

TheExMotherInLaw · 23/08/2015 16:57

Absolutely stick to your guns.
If you back down in these circumstances, you make it more likely that they will try it again over another issue. My kids were just like that, but their dad always gave in, to stop the complaining, so they knew all they had to do was kick off, and they got what they wanted.
Stay strong!

Original poster
icouldjusteatacroissant · 23/08/2015 17:13

the WiFi wasn't on. me and dh have separate WiFi from the kids. I turned theirs off at 11 15 last night and didn't realise it was still off as she didn't mention it. it was a handy coincidence though Grin

OP posts:
nicestrongtea · 23/08/2015 17:45

The problem is that has now given her the perfect "you are soooo unfair,I hate the world "opportunity as I think keeping the wifi off is unfair as you are punishing her for not accepting your offer.

You offered her cash to do a chore, she refused and stropped cut off the strop with "ok ,your choice, you don't need to meltdown" and post the card yourself.
You cant make someone accept your offer.

You do not have to tolerate her stroppiness, but its her choice not to go and your choice then not to give her the cash.
Be reasonable at all times they hate that Locking horns with her wont work.
Keep the wifi/pocket money/phone for another day: I don't tolerate rudeness, swearing or nastiness in any form and my DC know kicking off doesn't work with me as there will be a consequence.
Want a lift? then you will need to be polite and reasonable Smile

randallflagg1 · 23/08/2015 17:57

The separate WiFi thing is something I am going to implement. Thankyou OP.

sisterofmercy · 23/08/2015 18:02

Having separate wifi is a great idea!

CalmYourselfTubbs · 23/08/2015 18:04

don't back down.
sounds like she needs a good kick up the arse.

Groovee · 23/08/2015 18:07

I'd have done the same as you! My dd can be a lazy toad. But today she helped me cater an event and she was doing a fab job so I paid her.

Yet she wouldn't take her plate to the kitchen after dinner!

nicestrongtea · 23/08/2015 18:44

What did you do Groovee ?

Original poster
icouldjusteatacroissant · 23/08/2015 19:30

thanks again all. yes the separate WiFi is ace. we're all on the same one until I turn it off, then the second one automatically connects to mine and dh's devices. the best thing is they don't know it exists. it shows up on their devices but they probably assume it's our neighbours or something as odd ones show up now and again.

sneaky or what Grin

OP posts:
Groovee · 23/08/2015 20:49

Nice, she was told that when she needs money later in the week for an event, that it wouldn't be available. She was also told she has little to do in this house and therefore she needs to get her butt into gear and follow the rules of the house.

She has learned to put her washing in, when she realised she had no uniform at 7.30am one morning.

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