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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

how to tell dd shes getting chubby

34 replies

gingermop · 02/04/2014 08:02

omg im dreading this one, shes almost 15 and in last 6 months put on a lot of weight, we cook cook healthy but shes constantly hungry, snacking.
shes very image consious so me saying to her shes put on weight will deverstate her.
how would u handle it?

OP posts:
Ludways · 02/04/2014 08:04

I wouldn't tell her, that'll stick with her forever. Try to subtlety change her life, provide healthy snacks and introduce family exercise.

midnightagents · 02/04/2014 08:07

I wouldn't tell her per say. It's difficult but I think at 15 she should be taking responsibility for her own health a bit. Could you try lower cal meals? I know you said that they are already healthy. As well as keeping only healthy snacks around the house? Other than that maybe by some scales for the bathroom (if you haven't already) or get some new ones that do bmi, body fat etc.

Another idea is to get an exercise DVD and say your doing it, does she want to do it with you every evening or something.

I'd tread carefully though, it's easy to trigger issues at this age. It's very sensitive.

RhondaJean · 02/04/2014 08:07

Can you up her activity levels?

My mother has osteoporosis. I focus on this with my teenage dd - if you do more load bearing exercise it slows it in later life. It's hard to get them to think of that but I talk a lot with her about health in later life, broken hips etc. also very little fizzy juice cos it strips calcium.

Lots of healthy or at least not too bad snacks freely available, my 14yo is like a bottomless pit so it's trying to make sure it's not all cheap carbs she fills up on.

It's so hard isn't it?

vitaminC · 02/04/2014 08:09

I'm going through the same with my DD, the same age. You can't say anything - she needs to know you love her unconditionally!

Lead by example.

Don't buy any junk or snacks so she doesn't have such easy access to them and let her see you making healthy choices. I explain to my daughter why some things are best kept as occasional treats (e.g. we only allow sweets in the house on birthdays/halloween/easter) and I also say things like (I'll just have vegetables for dinner, as I had a big lunch).

At some stage she'll decide to take action and you'll have given her a healthy model to follow...

NorthEasterlyGale · 02/04/2014 09:34

Speaking as a fat teen who became a fat adult (and still is!) I'd really suggest you don't mention it directly! It was made clear to me as a teen that I was fat (more by my school than family, it has to be said) and it just increased my misery about it and led to me eating more. I already knew I was fat as I could look in a mirror, so not sure why people felt the need to tell me...!

Some things I'd consider...

How does she feel about how she looks?
Does she drink plenty of water? Thirst can sometimes masquerade as hunger so ensuring she's well hydrated is a good place to start.
Is she on a growth spurt? A lot of kids get a bit wider before they get taller and slim down.
You can eat healthily at home, but what's she eating outside the home?
Does she tell the truth about what she eats or does she try to hide it? If so, why?
Is she really just eating when she's hungry or is there an emotional element? Exam stress, conflict at school etc. If there is, she would benefit from learning relaxation techniques and other coping mechanisms.
The only times in my life I've been slim (size 8/10 rather than my more usual size 20) it's been more down to exercise than diet although both were involved. Is there something you could see her really enjoying? Training for a race to raise money for charity (Race for Life maybe?), learning a new sport or a dance class etc. More interest in sport can lead to an interest in sport nutrition which will help with optimising her food choices.

I think that fitness is actually the most important side of things (and no, I'm not fit at the moment, much to my horror) and if you can help her focus on this, it will help her look more toned (good for the image conscious!) and possibly lose some fat.

Not sure if any of that helps, but good luck and I hope your daughter finds health, happiness and confidence in her body.

impty · 02/04/2014 09:42

My dd was getting chubby. I didn't say anything to her. After Christmas she decided she wanted to lose some weight, and we did it together. Eating better, exercising more.

I went to great lengths to remind her she was still growing etc so she shouldn't lose to much.

Anyway, 7lbs lost she feels happier. Now we are trying to maintain it.

It really has to come from her.

beelights · 02/04/2014 10:12

As with Gale, I was a fat teen and became a fat adult (now lost it), though did lose weight at school through dieting on the prompt of school, mum and doctor. I can only second her advice. DON'T! She will be well aware of her shape and size. And if she isn't, having it mentioned will only increase her shame, which won't help with weight loss. Also, teens go through cycles of growth and who knows how she will be in 6 months. Eat healthily together, recommend healthy foods, walk and talk together and she will come good :-) My DD went through a junk food phase and being permanently hungry. We drew up a list together of 'treat' foods to keep in the house that were healthy, and that seems to work.

Good luck!

Nocomet · 02/04/2014 10:28

I'd probably tell DD1, in fact I probably do occasionally in that I suggest a bit more exercise, but we chatter about life the universe and everything all the time.

Also she is the most confident and self aware character, she no doubt already knows and isn't going to be bothered you've noticed.

It's DD2 you have to walk on egg shells round. Fortunately she does endless gymnastics. She isn't as confident, cares what people think in a superficial way DD1 simply doesn't and is stubborn enough not to eat (she's a right fusspot about food anyway).

mayihaveaboxofchoculaits · 02/04/2014 10:39

I'm with everyone else .You don't state it.
Has anything changed in the last few months? Is it a growth spurt,for example? Is she ok emotionally?stress at school for example? Gcses can be stressing and revision at home seems to directly lead to the biscuit barrel.
If its the last two things then you can approach them sensitively.
If everything else is ok, them you can not have junk food in the house, go on a healthy eating kick for the whole family,sign up everyone for a run for life funrun and get practising. Maybe the whole family will benefit.

rainbowmum101 · 05/04/2014 18:18

If I were you, I would slowly start buying less crisps, and buying things that are healthier. I'm not saying that you should give her carrot sticks (most teenagers would complain at that), but maybe give her crackers instead of crisps, and dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate.

hellsbells99 · 05/04/2014 19:15

DD2 was under the care of a gynae at 15. He told her it was very important for the hormone levels to have regular exercise. He said this would help regulate her weight. Still go out for pizza with friends etc but try and keep sugar intake low. For snacks she will have things like mugshots, crackers etc and fruit/veg. Chocolate at weekends but not during the week. 2 years on, her weight is fine.

Zucker · 05/04/2014 19:18

No way in hell would I say it out right like that. If anything I'd cut way back on having snacks / sweet things in the house (what ever she's snacking on) and say you're feeling sluggish and think everyone in the house should join you in a healthy eating week (month) or what ever works.

MoonRover · 05/04/2014 19:21

I wouldn't tell her. I imagine she knows.

mrsjay · 06/04/2014 11:29

my mum told my sister at 16 she was fat the poor girl is always on a diet or worrying about her fat arse don't tell her anything , get her active cut out the snacks in the house don't say anything do you think she is quite over weight do you think she looks bad she is maybe happy with the way she is, well as much as a 15 yr old is I am sure she notices weight gain without you telling her

specialsubject · 06/04/2014 12:17

has something happened to change her behaviour?

stop buying crappy snacks. No house needs the bags of fat and air that are crisps. Get more active as a family, sell it as 'we all need to get more exercise'

sunbathe · 06/04/2014 12:53

I told one of mine. I can talk about anything with her and she's very sensible. She wasn't upset at all.

She's being a bit more careful with eating and has taken up running.

PringleJess · 06/04/2014 13:08

I remember my mum telling me and it made me go swimming & eat healthier. I would much rather be told than not, but I suppose it depends on her personality on how best to handle it

BeeInYourBonnet · 06/04/2014 13:18

My DM constantly goes on about my weight ( I'm not even that big - BMI of 22 - although have been up to BMI of 26). It drives me INSANE, makes me pissed off with her, and has no effect on me losing weight. She has done it since I was a teenager.

Don't say anything OP. Model good eating and exercise, and make sure (subtly) that she understands the facts re healthy eating and exercise.

Pregnantberry · 06/04/2014 13:19

What kind of snacks do you have around the house?

I put weight on at about 13/14 in a similar scenario, my mum made healthy meals but I was always snacking on biscuits, crisps, cake, etc. My dad used to tell me I was getting fat and it didn't help at all, just upset me. I only lost the weight when I moved out at 18 and didn't buy crap for myself to snack on anymore.

You should try to just stop buying snacks and be strict about it. I don't think it ever helps to tell your daughter she is getting fat. I can still remember being told that and I am a little resentful over the way it damaged my self esteem combined with the fact that I never would have gotten that way if I wasn't kept in a constant supply of junk.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 06/04/2014 13:27

Are you suggesting she's unaware? I mean. We all know don't we? We just ignore for a bit. Then we feel sorry for ourselves. Then we announce a diet!

Give her time. So what if she's a bit chubby? Ffs one year of her life.... Sheesh do you pint out her zits too?

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 06/04/2014 13:27

Point!

pommedeterre · 06/04/2014 13:32

My dm telling me I'm chubby makes me stuff my face in front of her. She's always done it and my reaction has always been the same.

I'm fine by the way - fluctuations during teenage/early twenties but really still within healthy range (apart from when I stopped eating at 14!).

FernieB · 06/04/2014 19:00

Don't buy snacks - if they aren't there she can't eat them. What is she drinking? There can be a lot of calories in drinks. Up the exercise if you can.

CheesyBadger · 06/04/2014 19:07

Please don't say anything, just chance the food available. My sister said something to me and it stuck. A lot of my weight gain was due to crisps in good supply, cereals I had no idea about the calorific value of, study requiring me to sit more and teenage emotions leading to comfort eating. I struggled and at no point did anyone mentioning my weight help. I am sure she is aware and needs practical discreet help

CheesyBadger · 06/04/2014 19:08

Minnie... My mum pointed out my zits, blackheads and body odour. Helpful Hmm