Teenager wetting the bed after sexual abuse

[Rachel9331b]

My name is Rachel and I've recently started wetting the bed every night due to bad dreams and flashbacks about the stuff that happened with my step dad. I think it might be because I have to go speak to the police again soon and it's bringing it all back. I've tried not drinking any fluids after 6pm and going to the bathroom before bed but I still wake up wet and I don't know what to do anymore. I live with my Dad cause my Mum sided with her husband over the abuse, saying she couldn't leave him cause she loves him. She would be the one I would speak to about this and I'm too embarrassed to go to the Dr about it.

Has anyone had any experience of this with their teens? And what do you think I should do? I'm really worried that my Dad finds out and gets angry cause I've ruined the mattress.

Thanks, Rachel x

You can get pads and pull-ups and mats for the bed.

Oh honey, I think you are under estimating your dad. He is willing to have you there and will understand that this is a post traumatic reaction to what you have been through.

On a positive note you could buy some bed mats, the kind you use for night training and use those or some tennis lady pants. I know this us not a cure but would help with the inconvenience and embarrassment.

Have you been offered counselling at all? I think you should ask about it when you speak to the police. You will be entitled to it for free. It may help you deal with the subconscious that is making you do this.

You are a very brave young lady. I see so many children who take years to disclose sexual abuse and you should be very proud of yourself for having the gumption that you obviously have to follow this through.

You should know though that your doctor may be able to prescribe aids to help with the night time incontinence and maybe some meds. Either way doctors see and hear things that in terms of embarrassment would make you wince so don't be embarrassed, your doctor could help you in so many ways at the moment. Do you have a best friend or a female relative you have or could confide in to accompany you to see the GP?

Sorry blasted iPhone. Tenna pants.

Rachel I am so sorry you are going through this. Please don't feel too ashamed to go and talk to a GP - it is not your fault. Find a nice female GP and just tell them exactly what you have written here. Or show a print out of your post them if you don't want to talk about it. They will hopefully be able to get you some support and help. Are you getting any counselling? To a GP no problem is embarrassing I promise.

Firstly I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

If your dad is anything like me as a parent he won't be angry with you at all and would only want to help and comfort you. Do you think you could talk to him?

On a practical side you can buy mattress protectors and layer these with towels so you can peel the towels off and wash these easily rather than stripping the while bed

Dear Rachel, I'm so sorry you are going through this.
The best thing would really be for you to talk to your GP about it...I know it's hard but honestly it will not shock them, they hear about problems like this often and they will just want to help. If it helps, write it down and take it with you, you can ask the GP to read what you have written rather than say it. There may be quite a bit that they can do to help - maybe medication I don't know.
Also do you have anyone you can talk to about what you're going through? Is there a counsellor or school nurse that you can talk to, or a trusted teacher? Your GP might also have some ideas about sources of support for you....if you're experiencing flashbacks then please talk to your GP about those.
It's a horrible time for you right now but - I know this might seem hard to imagine - you will get through this...one day you will look back and shudder at what an awful time it was but you'll be able to reflect on what a strong and courageous person you have been. I wish you all the best. Please talk to someone.

Thankyou everyone for replying. I've just started seeing someone to help me talk through everything and I'm hoping it will help me. Can I order tens lady online or would I have to go buy it in the shop? I live in a small town where everybody knows everybody and I'd be so mortified if anyone I knew saw me! I will try to work up the courage to go to the GP.

I don't know how to tell my Dad, we don't really talk about things cause he's only here 6 months of the year because he works abroad and the rest of the time I look after myself. We don't talk much cause he says he's not the right person to talk to about these things, which I understand. I think he gets embarassed about it.

Also, this is really off topic but does anyone have any easy meal ideas? I've never really cooked before and I don't really know how so I've just been eating nachos and cereal when Dad's away

Thanks, Rachel xx

Hi Rachel,

You can buy pouches of pasta sauces, heat them and pour them over pasta which is easy to boil. Or you can get noodles that only need to be soaked in a bowl. But do buy proper sauces with vegetables and meat to go with them (don't just use the spice packs or you would be better off with the cereal and nachos!)

Do you like baked beans? Easy and full of protein. You can stir cheese in.

Tuna is good for protein, you could make tuna melt toasted sandwiches with cheese.

Can you make omelettes? You can put anything in an omelette, onion and spinach is nice.

If any of these sound nice but you want more detailed instructions about how to make them, let me know.

Does anyone else know your dad is away so much? Are there any other adults about?

I am very very sorry to hear about the abuse (and the wetting) and would like to give you big hugs. xxx

Hi Rachel, sounds like you are really brave and courageous and dealing with an awful lot for a young girl.
There is no shame in what you have been through or wetting the bed.
If you are too embarrassed to buy incontinence pads you could maybe buy large pull up nappy pants for kids (if anyone saw you buying them they'd assume they were for a child) and rip the sides open and put them inside your pants when you sleep. I actually have done this when I've suffered from heavy periods, it saves the stress of leaking which I get with normal sanitary towels.

An easy meal... I tin tuna , I can condensed cambells mushroom soup, One pack of insant mash potato. I pack of salt and vinegar crisps.
Mix tuna with soup in its concentrated form and put in a dish , mix up mash put on top and put crushed up crisps ontop of the mash. Cook in a medium oven for half an hour. Makes a very tasy pie.

I hope things get easier for you. I am glad you have someone to talk to.

Rachel I'm so sorry to hear what is going on. Do you have any female relatives you can talk to? What about your friends' mothers? Would there be any adults you could talk to? If you let us know where you are in the country I'm sure there will be a local mumsnwtter who could come and give you a basic cooking lesson! I'm in sw London if that's any help!

A really easy meal is chicken with nandos sauce.. all you have to do is chop up the fresh chicken breasts into little chunks, put them in a baking tray lined with foil and pour the sauce over it (you can buy nandos marinade from Tesco). Cook it for about 40 mins at 180 degs and do some of that rice that you microwave in a pouch to go with it. I often add peppers to it as well to cook with the chicken. And there's no washing up as you throw the foil away!

Easy Bolognese is a good one too... cook some mince till it's brown, add some water and lots of tomato puree and some garlic paste (same aisle as puree in Tesco) and simmer for a bit. Then put on pasta with some cheese on top. Really nice :)

I'm in south Norfolk if I can be of any help.

Seems a bit lonely your dad being away so much... any friends you can have over?

I have pm'd you x

Hi Rachel, hope you don't mind me asking but how old are you, hun?
Glad that you have someone that you are seeing to talk about what has happened. You can buy tena ladies and other pads etc online e.g. from Boots website but also other websites....but please do see the Doc (I know I'm nagging, sorry! ) you don't want to be stuck with this night weeing problem - they can help sort it out you know!

Simple and easy meals -
pasta, sachet of pasta sauce, grated cheese and salad on the side;
jacket potato, tuna or cheese and beans or salad
Ham or cheese omelette, oven chips, peas
Chunky soup - get a load of veg such as leeks, potato, carrot, sweetcorn, onion, parsnip (or just about any veg really)...fry really gently in a little oil/butter, add some veg stock made up with water (e.g. stock cube) then add pepper and a little salt (taste to check) and some milk then when the veg is cooked through either mash with a potato masher or use a blender to blend some (leave a bit chunky) and there you have cheap yummy healthy soup!
This easy recipe website is worth a look too.

Yu can go to the doctor about this, your doctor will know why it is happening and he will understand completely, and can also prescribe you a hormone called desmopressin which can help stop it happening.

Are you over 16 and how much do you weigh? You might be able to buy some pj pants in boots that fit aged 8 to 15, you can pretend they are for your little sister if it makes you feel better, but they are pricy and you are better off at the doctor.

I'm in north Essex honey, small village like you!

I am sure if you give us a part post code we can get together a little support network for you.

And yes, I am sure you can get in continence stuff on line. Boots will do the tenna stuff and the kids training pants.

Chorizo and courgette pasta is nice and easy, slice chorizo and courgette, fry till cooked, add some tomato and chilli pasta sauce and some cooked pasta a voila, a lovely meal.

What about bacon, egg and baked beans? Jacket potato? Toasted sandwiches, my kids would probably live on them if I let them. Scrambled egg on toast.

Do you know how to cook basic stuff? Chilli, bolognaise, mild chicken curry? All can be portioned up and frozen and means you won't be slacking away each night!

Nice to see lots of lovely supportive messages on here

Wow, 6 months of the year is a heck of a long time for a teen to be alone. Are you an older teen? Do you have any other support?

Oh sweetheart, it's not what you need is it? You can buy bed pads on Amazon with free delivery.

But I do think you should try and speak to a GP about it if you can. Alternatively there might be a womens support network in your area (check yellow pages) you could contact.

Can your dad not teach you how to cook a few meals? What do you eat when he is there?

Oh my love, you are so very brave.

Are you still in education? The reason I ask is that a school nurse or pastoral care team should be able to provide you with help and support and may be able to suggest a supportive GP who may be able to offer some help.

Rachel is there a nurse attached to your school or college? They can help you with the bedwetting and any other issues you need help with.

Am so sorry to read your posts. Please tell us a bit more about yourself: how old you are and roughly what area , I.e. What county you are in.
Mumsnet is AMAZING , for helping and posting stuff, and supporting people, just like you. Let us help you.

Thank you so very much for all your supportive messages! I've never really had anyone care like this, I think I'm about to cry!

Unfortunately I don't have any female relatives on my dads side and the aunts and older cousins on my mums side don't have anything to do with me since I've disclosed everything to the police.

My Dad doesn't really cook that much but when he does its always mashed potatoes (I now can't look at them!) I don't have a lot of confidence of going to the shops and getting food, I don't know why it just feels weird so I tend not to eat a lot when my Dads away which has lead to me loosing a lot of weight. The good thing is I can now fit into an age 14/15 clothes!

I'm terrified to go to sleep tonight in case I wet again, I wish I could get the courage to go buy some pull ups :(

Sweetie, just put a couple of towels on the bed for tonight. If you have a bank account so can order things online I'd suggest one of those bedmats which someone else mentioned.