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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Mixed sex sleepovers?

33 replies

Fairenuff · 26/07/2011 20:35

I posted under AIBU to stop DS 12 having mixed sex sleepovers but might have been better to put it here. At what age did you/will you stop mixed sex sleepovers?

OP posts:
Maryz · 26/07/2011 20:46

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doesntfitin · 26/07/2011 20:47

Mine have always been allowed mixed sleepovers

SecretSquirrels · 26/07/2011 21:00

Sleepovers were never a feature when the boys were little. DS1 started to go to mixed sex sleepovers at 13 but I think that was the year when he had a lovely mixed group of friends but none of them had actually paired up.
When couples are involved I'm much less happy. The last sleepover he went to the girls were all collected at 11pm.

mycatsaysach · 26/07/2011 21:05

never started - don't agree

Original poster
Fairenuff · 26/07/2011 22:47

The more questions I ask on this subject, the more varied the response, it seems. From the no sleepovers at all, at any age, to 14/15 year olds regularly have mixed sleepover parties and parents go to bed and leave them to it.

I think I am coming down on the no sleepovers whatsoever side, as it seems the safest.

OP posts:
Maryz · 26/07/2011 22:59

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Original poster
Fairenuff · 26/07/2011 23:07

Mary I agree that parents of boys have as much responsibility as parents of girls and there is no reason to treat them differently. I am, of course, just as much concerned for my DS's 'girlfriend' as I am for him. I want him to grow up to be responsible for his own actions which is why we talk openly in our house about relationships, etc.

However, looking for a bit of advice has shown me how vastly different parents' views are. Some parents would be horrified at mixed sex sleepovers, others think it's ok. So, none the wiser there really.

OP posts:
Maryz · 26/07/2011 23:19

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Original poster
Fairenuff · 26/07/2011 23:22

Good point.

it's not going to get any easier, is it.

OP posts:
mycatsaysach · 26/07/2011 23:26

no sorry it ain't and maryz is correct.

MJHASLEFTTHEBUILDING · 26/07/2011 23:38

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MJHASLEFTTHEBUILDING · 26/07/2011 23:38

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hellymelly · 26/07/2011 23:49

I agree with maryz -and I was also often in situations like the one she describes being in as a teenager.I didn't have a boyfriend for most of my teenage years,and I didn't drink or do drugs,and didn't lose my virginity until I was comparatively old (23) so I was often the left out one,with a friend who had said I could stay at hers or walk home with her,suddenly changing her mind.Until my big brother went to University it was ok as I would call him to come and pick me up but after that it was horrible.I even had a "friend" put me in a situation where I think she hoped I would end up having sex. It is a trickly line to walk,between protecting children and allowing them some freedom as the teen years go on.I am not looking forward to my dds being teens,I sympathise with you op.

valentia · 27/07/2011 13:25

It depends on the situation. My friend had a mixed sex pajama party for her 16th and we were all fine. I think as long as your children know that they could be checked on at any point, they'll be less likely to try anything. We ended up doing an all nighter (we watched movies all night.), and her mum was pleasantly surprised with how well we behaved. Plus a little trust goes a long way (coming from a teens' point of view)

Wants3 · 30/07/2011 15:10

My eldest Ds has just turned 16and has been having mixed sleepovers with a lovely group of friends since about year7. I personally would prefer that they hang out at each others houses with parents nearby than loitering around the local park or trying clubs with no adults around. I think if you trust that they will be sensible they usually are. Try and get your children picking their friends wisely from early on and they are less likely to get in with the wrong crowd!

rainbowtoenails · 30/07/2011 15:49

This has been an eye opener for me. I thought only girls had sleepovers.

drivemecrazy63 · 31/07/2011 15:20

i think mixed sleepovers for teens is a no go ive tried when they were 12 / 13 and the boys wouldnt leave the girls alone keep poppping in and out of each others rooms its a nightmare so now its one or the other there 11, 14,15 now and with one ds ASD its far to much hard work, ive not heard of mixed sleepovers amongst my dcs friends none have that i know of been asking for them as other posters have mentioned, yes teen boy still do have sleepovers rainbow not as much as the girls though

drivemecrazy63 · 31/07/2011 15:26

sorry meaning to add i agree with you wants3 and perhaps if was the same friends since yr 7 i wouldnt be so wary but i totally agree with the hanging out at shoops and the park mine dont do that i wont allow it they go shopping to the city or cinema , bowling, ice skating, or round each other house but we also have a rule of dinners at 6pm so they always have to be home by then but because of where we live we have to collect or they get dropped off you couldnt walk to and from each others houses its too far... i do hate and disagree with the local nightclub doing a teens evening for lots of different reasons and have not allowed that but dd has only asked once and not mentioned again and that was down to another friend peer pressure.

usualsuspect · 31/07/2011 15:27

You have to give them some freedom at some point though ,drivemecrazy63

drivemecrazy63 · 31/07/2011 15:31

there you go ive just been chatting to my dd (14) and she herself says no parents shouldnt allow mixed sleepovers, its not to do with trust but IMO sorry everyone but to me its common sense.

drivemecrazy63 · 31/07/2011 15:32

my dcs have lots and lots of freedom usual just because they dont have mixed sleepovers lol???

usualsuspect · 31/07/2011 15:35

I've always allowed mixed sleepovers and my dds went to the local nightclub nappy nights Shock

they were allowed to bus or walk to their freinds houses as well

drivemecrazy63 · 31/07/2011 15:36

the girls want to watch rom/com the boys action and the girls want to chat about boys which they cant doif the boys are present, and the boys just want to play xbox and ps3 so why would they want a mixed sleepover anyway my daughter has just said she has more male mates at school than female but in her words that would be plain weird

drivemecrazy63 · 31/07/2011 15:38

there is no regular bus from where we are so as ive said on prev thread in past they would have to walk 4 miles on busy dual carridgeway with no pavment and go under numerous underpasses so they cant do that , each to his own though usual

drivemecrazy63 · 31/07/2011 15:48

heres example just because youve know the dcs for years doesnt mean there the same person they started out as in year7 ,, my ds (15 ) had a friends sleeping over on very reg basis lovely polite quiet lad very inteligent (his mums a teacher) from very nice home with a mum and dad (thats just for the people who think bad kids come from one parent families) and they obviously dont thats generalisation, but he started slacking in school he had been in top sets for everything and started a band he playes electric guitar, and suddenly i hear hes been caught trying to sell drugs at school and been suspended Shock this was a lad that butter wouldnt melt so you see you never can tell who they have become.....