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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How late do your teenagers come home?

35 replies

katiebdee · 08/06/2011 23:49

What time is it reasonable to expect a 14 year old to come home after being at friends houses/gatherings/parties? And do you go and collect them or would you let them make their own way home late at night? I am tempted to say 10pm and to turn up on the doorstep to pick him up. In reality I say 10.30 and arrive at about 10.45ish, lurking around a corner until he appears. Apparently, no other parent behaves in this way, it is totally embarrassing and all his friends make their own way home in the early hours of the morning...

OP posts:
Anapit · 08/06/2011 23:54

10pm

Goblinchild · 08/06/2011 23:56

At 14?
10.30 or 11pm if they had no school the next day, yes to collecting.
If they objected, I'd have made it 10, 9.30 or not at all.
Most other parents I knew did the same.

GetOrf · 08/06/2011 23:56

I am with you katie, dd is 15 and can get the bus home up until 9 o'clock, after that I pick her up. Usually pick her up from her mates at about 10.30 - 11.00.

Original poster
katiebdee · 08/06/2011 23:59

So I am not the only "totally unreasonable" parent! I thought he was making it up at first, but then discovered that some other parents really were letting their 14 year olds come home by themselves on public transport after midnight and started to wonder whether it was me or them being a bit odd...

OP posts:
Monty27 · 09/06/2011 00:00

DS came home (walked) from friend's at 9pm and I was a bit Hmm so he was told off sent off to the shower and in bed by his usual 10ish. I wake him at 6.30am though and he's out for school just after 7am.

Monty27 · 09/06/2011 00:03

Sorry, he's 15.

Goblinchild · 09/06/2011 00:06

We live in a reasonably safe area, he's walked a couple of miles home from activities and been in by 9pm when he was 15.
Now he's 16, he walks and needs to be back before 10pm. DD was the same.
They always try 'Everyone else...' It's never been an argument worth having with me.

sweetkitten · 09/06/2011 11:06

my girls are 15 and 16.. school nights it 10pm .. weekends its 10.30 -11pm as i generally have to go meet them due to the oldest been sexually assualted a year ago
They also try the 'everyone else...' my answer cool everyone else can stay out alone then lol

mumslife · 09/06/2011 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lcj68 · 09/06/2011 12:39

Best I not let my DS see this thread then . . . . He's 15 and has to be home about 8ish if he goes anywhere, which to be honest he very rarely goes out with his mates. He will go to the skatepark on his BMX but it's home for 8, this is at the w/ends as he does all sorts of activities during the week which I pick up from.
In my defence he is the oldest, maybe I'll be a bit more lax by the time the next one gets there

circular · 09/06/2011 13:16

DD1 is stil 13, but one of the youngest in the year, some most of her friends are 14.

She does not go out regularly after school, except to friends houses and has friends over. We would either collect her or friends parents would drop off and vice versa. Usually no later than 09:30. Most of her friends are about 2 or 3 miles away by road. No strict bedtime, never had one. But she recognises she needs to be asleep between 10 and 10:30 to get up easily at around 7.

Weekends she is more likely to see friends on a Sunday daytime. Has music school on Saturdays, and not home till about 4:30. Guess she will get to the age of wanting to start going out on a Saturday night soon. Don't think we would want her out much after 10:30 though.

No interest in partying yet, although many girls in her year are. And up to all sorts, from what DD tells me.

I don't think we are pacticularly strict, although a little overprotective. Maybe we just have a late starter, as she never moans about not being allowed to do things. And she is well into the normal teenage moody stuff.

weetabox · 09/06/2011 15:15

katiebdee your comment " Apparently, no other parent behaves in this way, it is totally embarrassing and all his friends make their own way home in the early hours of the morning" that made me laugh ... I say it must be the chorus of teens everywhere.

DD is 15 in a few months, and it is June now so Summer light nights - so ATM schoolnights by 9pm - weekends can walk home by 9.30 (still light) - after that I collect her (also read "driving around hunting her down until she answers my texts") bahhhh, I will not have her walking around. No good saying we are all in a group, at some point they split off on route and end up on their own.

iEmbarassedMyself · 09/06/2011 15:21

DD2 is 13, nearly 14 - she's out till 9:30 on a school night and usually sleeps out at weekends.
She can get herself home, I won't pick her up unless she's been at a party.

weetabox · 09/06/2011 15:31

sweetkitten that so sad. I think reading your post would make some parents re-consider about letting young girl teens make their own way home late at night. Some 14 year olds look like 17. I know as my dd has been mistaken for much older even wearing converse a T and jeans.

hattymattie · 09/06/2011 17:44

I'm really pleased to see this thread - my DD 14(nearly 15) wanted to go and see Hangover 2 (already not convinced that's suitable) and then stay at a friends house -(except I don't know the friend). I pointed out that her wandering around the town centre at night at age 14 is not normal and that I would be a bad parent to let her do it but apparently I'm a total square. Sweetkitten - that is exactly my fear and my 14 year old could easily pass for 17/18 with no make-up - she's just tall.

tilly3325 · 09/06/2011 22:08

After reading this am feeling rather sorry for my 14 year old DS, as he has to be in around 8ish, but when he is out he is not at peoples houses they are on parks bmxing etc, if he was at someones house I would let him stay later but would definitely collect and would probably talk to the parents also.

mumslife · 09/06/2011 22:23

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Monty27 · 09/06/2011 22:25

Tilly mine is 15 and I rather like him to be home at least by 8 too. That's why I was annoyed at him for strolling in at 9pm when I posted at the beginning of this thread. Mine is in the park (10 metres away) and he's a skateboarder. Parks and streets turn into different places at night in my opinion.

I am in a nice area of inner London, but even out there in the rest of the country I still believe that if there's skullduggery to be had, that's where it will be had, in the park.

over protective

My ds is hard work, if there's something he shouldn't be doing, he'll be in the middle of it.

tilly3325 · 09/06/2011 22:40

We also live in a nice area, but I totally agree Monty with the park turning into a different place and I will not allow him to be there later at night. I didn't for one minute class myself as a strict parent I thought and actually still do that he has a lot of freedom, at 14 he seems to think he should have the freedoms and social life of an adult. They think they're not kids but actually they are.

Monty27 · 09/06/2011 23:32

Tilly, they are kids still, no matter what their bodies and hormones are saying to them. They don't have maturity, that just comes with age and experience.

Disclaimer no intention to upset mature teens, and some adults are not mature Grin

cat64 · 09/06/2011 23:43

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OllyGol · 14/06/2011 22:24

My DD is 14 and says that I am ruining her life because I dont let her get the late bus that gets into our town at 11.45pm! Her friends live about 30 mins away and she often stays over when she is out with them so long as they are back home and not on the late bus, but when they are all out together at the weekend she says it is so embarrassing because she has to get home. I say tough, she say everyone else gets to go on the late bus and nothing will happen and I still stay tough! She is 14! Am I being unreasonable?

cat64 · 14/06/2011 22:34

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JulieAbbott · 15/06/2011 20:20

My Daughter is 15,she will be 16 in August,she has finished School now and has only 1 Exam left to go back and do. In the Evening's she goes out once she has eaten her tea at 6.15-9.30 at the moment as that's when it seems to start getting dark. She hangs out with other Children although she walks part the way home alone. She says I am too strict as she is the only one with such an early Curfew. Am I being unreasonable?

flow4 · 15/06/2011 23:01

I have a 'general rule' for my 16YO, but it is open for negotiation - sometimes he has good reasons and good company for being out later. School nights it's 10pm, weekends it's 10.30 or 11pm. Special occasions it has rarely been later, but tbh, if he wants a really late night he'll generally arrange to have a friend/friends sleep here or stay over elsewhere.

The deal is, he has to be in by whatever time we have agreed or there is trouble.

I have also been told I'm totally unreasonable and he is the only kid in the world expected to be in so early, and X's mum lets him/her stay out til whenever s/he likes. My answer to that is he should have a go trying to persuade X's mum to let him go to live there, then he can do what she says... 'Til then, he has to come in when I say!

He pushes his luck sometimes - and tbh, at 16, he is almost too old for me to have the final decision - I can certainly remember being out til whatever time I liked at around that age... Now he's finished school (and almost finished exams) I have to use the argument that he might be on holiday, but I have to get up for work, so he needs to be in and settled, so I can sleep.