It started thirteen years ago, i was addicted to cocaine. I had really bad binges and would do 4-5 days of use every week.
eight years ago, I decided enough was enough and completely changed my life overnight. I literally picked everything up and moved across the country in a day to get clean and it worked!
I had five glorious years of being clean and I was the happiest Ive ever been.
Unfortunately I met people who I knew I should of stayed away from, and slowly the addiction started up. i told myself if I only use once or twice a year its not addiction, but then i met more people and after two years of using once/twice a year and not even much it turned into a every weekend situation.
This weekend was horrific, it was spiked with something else like ketamine or speed which I know I cannot take as it makes my mental health dip so far down and I nearly killed myself this weekend over it. Managed 24 hours of sleep after taking prescribed drugs (codiene) to get me down enough to sleep and feel a bit better but I know now I cannot keep doing this. This relaspe is even worse the original addiction in terms of my mood.
I cannot move again, so instead I have changed my phone number & deleted and blocked everyone I know who can access it for me off my phone. It’s unlikely that I will bump into them when Im out & about so thats okay.
My trigger is drink even if I drink a tiny bit (im not a big drinker) I want it. So Ive poured away all the drink in the house down the sink. And I only ever touch it on a friday & saturday night.
I need ways to get a natural happy hormone hit so I dont go looking for it. Any ideas please? I have done it once and I know I can stay clean if I really put my mind to it. Thanks for listening.