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Original poster

Is my partner taking drugs?

31 replies

Worriedpartner1 · 11/12/2021 09:23

I know that my partner used to take drugs on a regular basis, such as on nights out, in his previous relationship. As far as I'm aware he hasn't while with me (2 years). I have never taken or bought drugs myself to know if I'm worrying that he's going to be buying/taking drugs for nothing as I know he struggled to stop taking them last time.

He has messages on his phone with a man where he has asked this man to "sort him a larl en out", the man says he only has 40s now and my partner says that will do because he won't manage all day just drinking because he hasn't been out drinking for a while.

Does this sound like he's buying drugs?

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedpartner1 · 11/12/2021 09:24

He has then had a conversation with another friend saying he's getting a half for £40 and that its meant to be good stuff.

OP posts:
SantaHat · 11/12/2021 09:25

What else could it be?

itspartytime · 11/12/2021 09:28

Could be cake mix. Good stuff . Obviously if no cake appears then maybe it's not ?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 11/12/2021 09:30

Yes I would say he is buying drugs.

I think his first message is asking to ‘sort me a little one out’ and the next message is the man saying he only has bigger £40 bags available and your DP saying actually that’s fine that it’s not a little amount as he wouldn’t want to just be drinking. Then obviously he’s telling his friend he’s got enough to share.

It’s common to refer to drugs either by the cost of the bag. Eg, ‘a ten bag’ meaning £10’s worth or by weight, so for example ‘a half’ may mean half an ounce in weight.

Christmasbird · 11/12/2021 09:31

Its cocaine

Original poster
Worriedpartner1 · 11/12/2021 09:35

Thank you for this. I know very little about drugs and thought it all sounded a bit odd but couldn't say for sure it's drugs because I don't know enough about them.

Now I'm stuck in a dilemma about what to do. He's out all afternoon/night with work friends for a Christmas night out. He knows how I feel about drugs, I made it very clear at the start of our relationship that I don't condone taking drugs for any reason. I know everyone has there own opinion and rightly so. But that's just mine and he told me that he wouldn't do it, he only ever did because of the relationship he was in as she often tool them too. So now I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
justbegoodforme · 11/12/2021 09:39

Leave now. He's lying to you and buying cocaine.

MadeForThis · 11/12/2021 09:40

Sounds like cocaine. Taking it keeps you from getting too drunk as it keeps you alert.

It's also very dangerous to mix with alcohol.

It doesn't sound like he has stopped taking drugs.

  • he has the number for a dealer.
  • he is planning this in advance. Not a drunken decision.
Original poster
Worriedpartner1 · 11/12/2021 09:48

Now that I know its drugs, I've confronted him before he goes out. He outright admitted to it, saying he hasn't been out drinking for that long he won't manage 12 hours drinking with out and just because he's bought it, doesn't mean he'll take it.

Knowing that he knows how I feel about drugs, am I within my rights to be really angry, and be thinking about this being the end for us because he was purposely being sneaky about it. Or am I over reacting?

I really feel drugs is a deal breaker. If I'd thought for 1 second he was still into drugs when we first started seeing each other 2 years ago, we wouldn't have got together.

OP posts:
kikipie · 11/12/2021 09:55

If it’s a deal breaker for you, it’s a deal breaker

It would be for me too

jackiebenimble · 11/12/2021 10:13

For me the fact that going out for 8 hours not 12. Or starting on soft drinks. Or taking it easy-never even crossed his mind. He went straight to his default very very easily with no hesitation and has attempted to totally normalise it.

If he didnt really want to have to take it, he'd have got less and not told the mate in advance in case he changed his mind. Now with his mates in on it there is no way that is not being taken. Also if his mates are also habitual drug users you will have this concern every time he goes out.

Its a shame but it just seems your values dont match.

SecondhandTable · 11/12/2021 10:17

Thing is, the drugs alone is one issue but doing this behind your back is a second issue - because he clearly knows how you feel about it. He can't have his cake and eat it - if he is to continue drug use he needs to be up front with you about it and you can make a decision about how you feel about that. FWIW cocaine use would definitely be a deal breaker for me. Think about not just right now but about your hopes for the future - do you want children? Would you be happy to have them with someone who regularly does coke? As any decision you make isn't just about whether you can live with this now but about whether you could continue to live with it in future life stages.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/12/2021 10:19

Stay with him and you will regret it. You claim you have boundaries about drug use, so prove it by leaving him. This is who he is, op, take it or leave it, but he will not change. Is this type of man who you want to share your life with?

unname · 11/12/2021 10:23

You already know what to do. You don’t want this in your life, I promise.

Whataday21 · 11/12/2021 10:25

I couldn't stay. I'm anti drugs too and it would be a hard line he'd crossed. Pun intended. I'm too old for that shit.

Icantbelieveitsnotnutter · 11/12/2021 10:29

So sorry to hear it OP. Did you notice a change in his behaviour as cocaine seems to make people really noticeably odd?

notapizzaeater · 11/12/2021 10:51

He knows your feelings and he's ignoring it. If you don't actually follow through then he will do it again and again. I'm in the one strike you're out camp here. No one makes a fully grown man drink for 12 hours ! I went out a couple of weeks ago with some big drinkers, I alternated with soft drinks so I could last the day/night

Double3xposure · 11/12/2021 11:21

I’m confused OP. You say that drugs is a deal breaker for you.

He’s admitted he’s doing drugs.

Yet you don’t know what to do and think you might be over reacting ???

GoodnightGrandma · 11/12/2021 11:24

I wouldn’t be staying together.
Do you want this drug taking msn to be the father of your children ?
Get rid now and start afresh in a new year.

andweallsingalong · 11/12/2021 11:29

Agreed, just leave. It won't get better he's happy with his choices and the decision to abstain for your relationship has worn off already

Original poster
Worriedpartner1 · 11/12/2021 12:06

Just to update, he's gone out with his friends as planned. He's promised me he won't get the drugs and wont take any. Says he'll come home earlier instead. Doesn't want to lose me etc.

However, I have told him we are over. I've already arranged with his dad for him to go there when he comes home, not here. I made his dad aware of thr situation knowing his dad would be fuming about his decision too. I have a son of my own from a pervious relationship and I am pregnant with his child. So I've told him I don't want him around my son or around me.

OP posts:
jackiebenimble · 11/12/2021 12:28

If you and your unborn child were really his priority and he was seriously worried about being kicked out and believed you.... he would have cited a family emergency and stayed home to fight for you.

He is telling you who he is.
Listen.

chiefcha · 11/12/2021 12:30

For me the deceit would be worse than the actual drug use I think. Plus the immaturity - nobody needs to drink for 12 hours. If he was more normal with the drink he wouldn't need the coke in the first place.

ShaneTheThird · 11/12/2021 12:50

Good decision op Flowers

serene12 · 13/12/2021 19:05

Well done, especially for safeguarding your children. Drug abuse thrives on secrecy and shame, so another well done for telling his dad. Drug abusers are brilliant liars and masters at manipulation.