Tell me how to (or not to) wear this!

[Colditz]

Before I start - I am kind of frog shaped. That is, I have reasonably unchunky legs and arms, big boobs and one hell of a pot belly. I'm 5'2" and a bit. I don't really have hips - I have a relatively small bottom compared to bust and waist.

And I want to wear a denim skirt that comes half way between hip and knee, and black tights, and black uggy boots, and a grey batwingy type top with a picture thing on the front, and a green and grey scarf (you know, the patterned ones all the students wear.

BUT

A) I suspect I might be too fat to ponce around like this and
B) I suspect I may be too old to ponce around like this.

So, please would you tell me the upper age limit of dressing like this, and the upper clothes size limit of dressing like this.

I'm not telling you my size or age, I want the truth, not tact.

I think the picture on the front of the top would clash a bit with the tassly/fringed scarf.

And 26 is not too old.

I would say if you are above a 14 wear a longer skirt but otherwise fine.

mel you cheated! Actually it's out of date.

Nobody look at my profile, you cheaters!

all sounds fine to me but wear with black leggings not tights. then there is no problemo with skirt (nor will you be worried about knicks showing) the batwing jumper needs to not cinch you in the middle which sounds like it is your worst bit. your lets sound good so short skirt is good (make sure it is short, not in betweeny nonsense). you sound like you've got good arms so might want to show them rather than batwing them up?

I would say upper limit is size 16-18 for this outfit if i'm being honest.

you're fucking 26: you can wear this whatever your size ffs!

Yes make sure the tights are not too thin. They need to be very dark/thick or leggins as soph said. Primy do good ones.

h&m do great ones. leggings that is.

The jumper drops straight from boob to hip.

TBH I had it when I was 2 stone heavier, but I kept it as it's very flattering. I do love it.

I have no objection to getting my arms out except for the skin on them - I have those mad red genetically induced spotty thing and, it being nearly Christmas, haven't exfoliated since June

No, I'm not, I'm not 26. I'm 28, I'll be 29 in MAy! I seriously need to update my profile.

And I am a large size 14 (that is, a size 14 in the shops I like going in )

I haven't got any leggings that aren't bobbly floor cleaning wear, but I have got some very thick black tights - are they ok?

Make sure the top is not longer than the skirt. I have that prob when i wear my shorts and tights. I need a longish top to cover my tummy (hate it) but if it's too long then you can't see the shorts.

tights = ok

No, there is a good 7 inches of skirt below the top.

This is all because my friend gave me this skirt and ordered me to get my legs out, as I have started wearing more baglike tops since my boobs sagged off the radar shrank 2 sizes.

If your legs are one of your better features then definitely get them out. With very thick black tights. Or leggings, as long as no-one can see the bottom of the leggings (that is reserved for people aged 17 and under).

I think you'd be fine tbh
I'm a 14 and I would prob wear it if I didn't feel a bit of a twat in uggs, being as I am 42 (mine are slippers!)

Alos sounds like you need a proper bra fitting
Have you had one lately
I am talking proper bra shop not m&s

If you had a shapely pair of boots you'd look 10 times better. Apart from that, sound sfine

Oh the boobies are ok when my one good bra isn't in the wash . I am going to try for some more bras after Christmas. I am a 38E

Any other opinions before I make twat of self in inappropriate clothing ....?

Like the sound of the skirt - where is it from??? I need to find the holy grail of short but not too short denim skirts!

I BET you're not a 38E. I bet you're somehting like a 34G or something!!!

I still think get yourself down to primark or h&m and get some cheap leggings. much better than tights however opaque. if your tights are REALLY thick they will pass ;)

Colditz - am that you are only 26 - always assumed you are mid 30s!

Ollie - I have found the answer for skirts - buy knee-length and cut them up! Skirts sold short already are always designed for teenagers who want to show off their knickers. Denim skirts look good raggedy at the bottom, or so I tell myself.

29, 29 same difference imo.

wear what you like!

Colditz - that is an outfit I would wear and indeed have worn (not with Uggs though, I'm not so into them) and I am so very, very much older than you.
I'd have to go for something a bit tighter on top though, because I am short.
So i can only give my approval.