Can never have casual hair - always has to be 'done'. What to do?

[Doyoulikedebt]

Hard one to explain but I've always had really thin hair that's see through & breaks easy so rarely grows to a decent length. It means I tie it up every day but by doing so it makes me look quite 'done' if that makes sense.
For example, at work I wear quite smart trendy outfits (least I'd say so!) but a scraggly loose ponytail doesn't match so I end up doing a bun - instantly creating a smart vibe that I don't particularly want. When at the kids football, I end up having to scrap the hair back all slick as the broken fly aways look awful in the wind but then it looks too much for a hoodie & muddy trainers.

It was always like this when I went out clubbing, friends would have curly or straight hair worn down whereas I'd have mine pinned back. My friend would wear big puffy dresses with her curly hair & all would be in proportion but whatever I wore would have to go with my pea head!

I'm just finding it's either aging me or requiring far more work, like having to put make up on to balance it all out. And more recently I've realised that certain outfits can't be worn as I look too much or too dressed up. Not doing my hair at all means the opposite.

I'm not sure what I'm getting at, just wondering if others understand? Do you find the hair makes an outfit or look?

Messy bun? Would that work so its off your face but more casual. Or much shorter in a choppyish cut?
I have fine thin hair i chopped it recently (not a pixie still able to just about tie back) it looks so much thicker it has sticky out bits or i can dry it and look more like a smooth bob.

I totally get it - I have fine hair and if I leave it to air dry I look like Crystal Tipps (sorry if that is too old a reference, I'm Gen X!) I never really cared in the past as I was younger and messy buns are fine for da yoof in almost all circumstances. But since hitting my mid forties I think I need to do something about it.

Starting with sorting out the condition - I've gone from dying it blonde to dying it a nice cherry red, so far less bleach but with the benefits of colour which make it shiny. I'm also doing a fair bit of research into products for my hair type - my hair is wavy and so I am buying stuff that fits with 2B.

I still do messy buns now but I curl the bits of hair around my face and it looks more finished if that makes sense (rather than the old days when I would just pull bits around my face and let them do their own thing).

I'm also - for Christmas - going to invest in a damn good hairdryer with good attachments - probably Shark or Laifin - you can still let it air dry 90% and then spend 10 minutes doing minimal styling.

This is all something I have only just started doing and I'm not an expert, but so far, so good.

I have fine hair but lots of it, it doesn’t look sleek left to air dry and hang loose, it looks more like sheep wool than hair and has a lot of flyaways. Right now big clips are trendy again, could you buy a few of those and put it back but in a more relaxed style?

I totally get this!! My best friend has beautiful natural hair that she can do anything with and always looks polished even though she has an alternative style.
I also have very fine hair and a pea head, I never wear it up (think it looks awful on me) but unless I blow dry properly on a lower heat with the right technique, round brush and leave in conditioner and some styling mousse i look really messy (and thats even with makeup and nice clothes)
Im only ever really happy when i've curled the ends too, but I try not to do that very often to reduce the amount of heat I use because air dried my hair looks AWFUL no matter what, so I'll only air dry occasionally.

Whats your drying and styling routine like at the moment? Mousse was a game changer for me, as was learning how to blow dry properly. And what length is it? Mine is 'long' and has the ability to grow longer but ive had to accept it needs blunt chops, as otherwise I catch a picture of myself and just think ugh.

I have fine curly hair that is, by some measures, wonderful but is also quite difficult to look ‘neat’. I wake up looking very messy. So I know what you mean.

But in some ways the solution is to not worry about it too much. I used to wet and style it every day but now I mostly just brush it out on non-wash days, perhaps spray a bit of water. It probably looks 75% good, but that’s okay. Sometimes I use a hot styling tool if I want to look neater on those days. But I try to worry less about it.

Would a hairband suit you? Or perhaps one of those stretchy hairbands with the zig-zag teeth?

Add some curtain bangs or bangs and leave some bits wispy also try pulling it out slightly it doesn't have to be tight when I wear it up
What I do it leaves bangs out tie up in a pony then loop the band over so pony is half in out then the sides and back and top I pull slightly so not so tight then pull about on the pony so it's super messy hope that makes sense !.
I have long fine hair and it feels secure but looks messy hairspray is your best friend as well or texture spray

Get it cut into a Shorter style with lots of texture?

This is comforting to know I'm not the only one! My hair atm is just above shoulder length & has been that way since Dec last year. It hasn't grown at all since then & it's the thinnest it's ever been - why I've probably noticed it all the more!
I need to up iron etc & will continue doing what I can but as it's not a immediate fix so I'm thinking what can be done in the meantime.
A messy bun would require me wrapping some fake hair around a bun ring & pinning to my head (have done this before) as my natural hair doesn't have enough to work with. But by explaining that you can see how the 'done' look starts to come about!
Some useful bits from the comments, mousse to try & trying not to think too much about it being the right mindset.

Can you upload a photo and blur out your face so we can see it?

Why don’t you get a hair topper? Wear it about an inch back from your hair line so your natural hair is visible and also covers where it lays,

my hair is complete fine to be honest, but I have this one, I use it when it needs a wash or if I want it to look especially thick ie if I’m going out out , it’s complete undetectable and gives me that rich girl hair,

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0FVKGCKTS?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_1&th=1

I also use clip in hair extensions, those I use more, most days, I just add one to either side if my face, for some volume,

wonans hair pieces are very common place now and have come on a huge amount, and are very versatile. I don’t have any hair issues, but I use hair pieces and I’d suspect most celebs you see with great hair do too.

I think the haircut and style can make such a difference! Sometimes, a softer, low-maintenance style can give you that relaxed look without feeling too dressed up. A good stylist can also help you find something that works with your hair’s texture and thickness, rather than requiring lots of daily styling.

Thanks everyone, I'll look into the hair topper. Not good enough with my phone to be able to upload a photo but essentially there is very little hair to work with at all!

Ahhh your hair length isn't very long maybe try half up half down and put a wave in it and loads texture spray !!
If your bleaching hair this can make hair snap off btw or using the wrong products can make hair brittle and snap
Hairstylist here so just double check everything your using a silk bonnets at night has literally been my miracle I have long hair for the first time in ages

I don’t think you need much.

Good shout! I'll deffo look into this, I have a silk pillowcase but do wonder if it still drags the hair. I've mainly lost it around the temples which could be pulled whilst sleeping. Doesn't help that when you have short thin hair, everywhere you look everyone has long thick hair!

I have hair like this and a similar dilemma, I put it up in a small bun with some curtain bangs cut to to cheekbone length and a bit longer by the ears to frame my face and avoid looking like a headmistress

my vibe is more boho than headmistress

i am 55 and my hair has improved a lot over the last year since I take Floradix (iron and b vitamins) and hrt. Big difference but took a year to see that 😁

I've got fine , thin hair and it's even thinner now as I'm post menopause. I've found that thickening shampoo, conditioner, spray and a thickening lotion helps to make it look thicker but not fuzzy. I also use dark coloured root spray on my grey patches as it looked like bald spots. I use coloured dry shampoo to help it look thicker if I have it up. If I have it down , it's down to just touching my shoulders, I straighten the last 2 3rds so it's not frizzy then fluff it up a bit with hairspray. If I have it up I twist it at the back with a clip and pull a few bits forward. I've got some wigs for in the future. I've always had thin hair and I hate it. 😬

What length hair do you have?

Would a tousled pony tail with face framing strands work for you? Or a Messy bun? Or use a deep wave tool to give it some volume?

Yes this is good advice I have fine hair and I do this. The half up creates a bit of height on the top and I find when it’s curled the bottom half appears thicker. If I leave it just curled and down it’s completely flat at the top it looks awful like a triangle shape, if I put it up it just shows all the gaps in my hair!

Can you do mini Dutch braids with the top part of the hair - if you only pick up hair on the outer side of the plait it creates a softer look that is a bit "done" but not too severe or smart. You can do them with surprisingly short hair too and fasten them at the back with a Kirby grip.

For a casual look, I've seen a few people do 2 mini bunches with the front part of the hair - with mini claw clips or just ponytail bands or little clips. YMMV - I look like I was pretending to be my 1yo when I tried this!

As a pp said, big clips are in at the moment - you can use something like that for a half up-do as well and then loosen it a bit once it's up so it's not too scraped back looking.

Also, as soon I google any of this stuff my Facebook is filled with video about it, most of which are crap but there's the occasional good idea too.

You are over thinking this. It sounds like you do a great job.

I am the opposite of you. My hair was my best feature - loads of it, naturally blonde so no need to bleach it, straight so doesn’t frizz. But it doesn’t hold a curl for 5 minutes, which makes styling impossible. It was fine having long straight hair hanging loose when I was young, but I’ve spent my whole working life tying it back in a big fat bun. It’s a bit old fashioned, but you can’t do anything fashionable and edgy with my hair, whereas I’ve seen great short hair styles with whispy hair.

Could you go shorter OP? A cool layered crop, razor-cut to give choppy volume?

Sounds like you have perfect hair for a bob!

They do big claw clips for fine hair. There’s so much choice now. Could you do a half up style?

My hair was shit this time last year - it never grew back properly after DS, lots of fly away, it was really thin and greasy at the roots all the time. I got it all chopped off into a shorter bob, ditched the heat styling, started taking a good hair vitamin, and religiously only used sulphate/silicone shampoo and conditioner. I just accepted it would look a bit shit for a year, but I’ve seen a HUGE difference, it’s almost back to how it was & it was well worth the in between bit.

If it’s not growing there is definitely an issue, have you heard of GLOWWA, I use it and find it good but it takes 3 months to notice. Iron also takes a while.

You can get these ponytail thickener gadget things I saw them and they make a big difference to a ponytail. Lots of people use clip in hair or wigs too now. Good luck x