Appropriate funeral outfit for 14yr old

[pinkflamingoestweet]

We’re visiting the UK to attend a funeral and I need to buy something for my daughter to wear but I just can’t find anything suitable.

Would it generally be ok for her to wear black trousers and some sort of muted top? The relative is on her dad’s side and I don’t have much contact so I can’t really ask if there is a ‘dress code’ as such.

She’s a size 10 and about 5’7 so kid’s clothes don’t fit any more but I don’t want to get anything too ‘old’.

I wore something similar for my mother's funeral, as did my sister. W didn't buy anything especially. She'll be fine like that.

Unless they were very religious or conventional that will be fine. Very few people wear all black to funerals now. Muted colours are standard.
Sorry for your loss @pinkflamingoestweet

I’ll need to buy even the black trousers as she seems to live in jeans/joggers.

Unless it’s an especially formal family, smart new black jeans for a teen - or even very dark indigo- would most likely be fine. As it’s her dad’s family- does he have a sense of what clothing would be right? How formal was the person who died?

Anything smart and respectful will be totally fine.

Any dark trousers, skirt or dress is fine. A school uniform would also be fine if she has one.

Honestly, jeans and a quiet or subdued coloured top will almost certainly be fine, and some people actually specify that they would prefer people to,wear bright colours at their funeral! We’ve been to two of those.

It might be cold so you could look for a darker coloured dress, cardigan and a coat will possibly be needed. Dark tights and shoes, not trainers. Standing around after a funeral is normal!

I wore flared jeans and a cream sweater and cherry red DMs to my dad's funeral at 13. I don't think kids/teens are expected to wear extremely formal attire in most circumstances.

Absolutely fine. Dark jeans also fine. A lot of kids wear school uniform to funerals at that age, but I sport hate that feels weird if she’s coming from abroad.

Definitely not jeans in any way, even if they are black. Unless a person stipulated bright colours then it should be traditional black, that's respectful.

No, that’s very oldfashioned. The overwhelming majority of attendees at funerals now just wear muted clothing. Jeans wouldn’t be out of place.

Yes, black trousers and a top is fine. She doesn’t need to be completely in black, you rarely see that now.

Have a look in H&M. Youngish section bound to have something suitable she’d wear again at reasonable cost. My girls at similar age respectively wore a plain black and black and white polka dot jersey A-line / skater short dress and black tights to family funeral.

Next, H&M and Primark are great for this age and occasion.

I've two teens, DD2 doesn't do dresses so she had black wide leg trousers and a muted top with black converse she already had. DD1 only wears dresses, Next and H&M were great (yes to skater dresses). She had black tights, a and DM style black boots.
For the funeral in a church last spring, they both had their school coats. The summer one they didn't bother.

I would get black trousers as I think it's better to err on the side of formal for a funeral. Other than that I would go as formal and dark as possible within the constraints of her normal wardrobe. Not everyone would buy new clothes for a funeral and it's better to wear jeans (as long as they are clean and not ripped or tatty) than not go.

We happily wear jeans to mass on Sundays. However it's not OK for a funeral. Anything like school trousers, dark coloured trousers and a darkish coloured top, jumper, cardigan.
MY teen GS wears school trousers and a white shirt, no tie ( we've had a few funerals recently)

I've been to at least 30 funerals over as many years. Vast majority for people over 70 and nearly all very traditional people and ceremonies. Not one was everyone in all black or expected to be.

Apart from DH's mad aunt rocking up to his grandfather's funeral (her FIL's) in fuschia leopard print body on nothing I've ever seen has really been inappropriate.

Anything in a darkish colour will be fine. Including jeans if they are clean and smart ones.

@Nothungfunerals around my circle must be old fashioned then? We all would wear black, unless stipulated otherwise......and definitely not jeans.

Agree new black jeans is fine. I wore black jeans and dark green top to my mothers.

Why is black seen as the only colour that marks “respect”? It’s Victorian and started by Queen Victoria herself. Who honestly cares about that now besides the Royal Family and aristocrats? Most people wear sombre clothes but I’ve never seen anyone in jeans. A step too far really. It’s just better quality day wear that’s not overtly casual. Decent shoes preferably. My dc would not wear converse.

That’s brilliant thank you for all the opinions. School uniform would have been great but she boards and didnt bring it home.

I think I’ll take her over to Matalan/H&M/Marks and she can pick something she’ll feel comfortable in. Her 20yr old brother is wearing a blue shirt, dark blue jumper and chinos and the other men are wearing suits as they are a formal bunch, but equally they are very nice and understanding with kids.

Thanks for the reassurance ❤️

My DD (same age) chose the following for dad's funeral:

Black trousers
Matching fitted waistcoat
Matching formal jacket
Black satin shirt.

All from the women's section in Primark - cost about £70 all in. She looked great.

I am perhaps the wrong person to ask but I am of the opinion that a child should wear whatever they have and are comfortable in. I cannot get my head around shopping and spending money on something that will likely be worn once and not be them.

Edited to say unless of course they really want to go shopping and spend.

We have to buy stuff as we are away from home and she only has blue jeans, trainers, bright graphic Ts and logo hoodies available here, which aren’t suitable.

If we have to buy stuff we may as well get something she’s both happy to wear and feels appropriate in. She probably has things at home that would work but it was all a little unexpected. Still, I have lots of ideas to be able to guide her now.