Help with formal outfit for a funeral

[roamingcat]

Hello,

I have a funeral coming up but because my workplace isn't particularly formal, and I don't look great in all black, I don't have anything to wear! I'm going to need to buy a new outfit, coat and shoes and wanted to use this as an opportunity to invest in a couple of nice pieces which I can wear for future formal events.

I was thinking of a black midi dress and liked the following from nobody's child:

https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/black-velvet-atlas-midi-dress-d241974blk?queryID=15745a2c25811881b2bc454ebf0d5d34

https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/black-tiered-charlie-puff-sleeve-midi-dress-d250427blk?queryID=cee35dca3e7808364315d4b45aefb2dc

https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/black-tiered-clara-midi-dress-d250377blk?queryID=cee35dca3e7808364315d4b45aefb2dc

What do you think? Then I was thinking of buying a dark navy formal coat (if I buy black I don't think I'll wear it that much), and some dark flats. Please share any suggestions for a good quality navy wool coat and flat shoes which would go with the dresses I'm thinking of. Thanks all!

That's good advice and very true.

Sorry to disagree but I would not feel comfortable wearing white to a funeral. Muted colours other than black (navy, aubergine, dark purple, dark burgundy etc) are fine, but white?? No!

I wouldn't have any issue with white shirt, dark jacket or cardigan, dark trousers or skirt. White trousers/skirt/jacket would stand out. However, thinking back to my Dad's funeral I couldn't tell you what anybody else was wearing. I was just glad to see them.

Another option is a charcoal grey.
I also don’t suit black, I have some things in my wardrobe though as I sing and have to wear black for concerts, plus funerals.
I have been to a lot of funerals and I always wear black or dark grey. Apart from the funerals where a colour has been specified, the vast majority of people have been in black for every funeral I have attended, from the very formal services, to the more relaxed non religious ones. At the formal ones everyone has been in black or off black (coats or men’s suits in deep navy or charcoal type of thing).
I have a couple of dresses that work for funerals, one warmer than the other for chilly Winter services where you might be outside in rain or sleet at a graveside. I do have a classic black coat.
An option is to wear black or dark grey trousers, with a white or cream shirt, and a black or grey jacket or coat, black shoes. Copying menswear for a funeral basically.
Coat wise I would get as classic a shape as possible, so a simple belted wrap or a slim tailored shape, in charcoal, black or navy. I find my dark grey coats work over more colours than anything else though.

The last funeral I went to I wore a navy top and I got that from a charity shop with navy trousers that I already had. People do wear different colours nowadays. Black is not the only colour. I agree lots of people actually do not suit black .If you are going for a dress I would advise having a look in charity shops. They seem to have a lot of navy and black in at the moment. I have a lovely warm dark red coat and I wore that and the only comments I got were along the lines of how cosy I looked. Colour can be used especially as the last few funerals i have been to were all about the life of the person was the most important issue.

Most people don't suit all black. If you don't, I wouldn't buy a new black dress if you can avoid it. I would probably buy a black (or dark navy or charcoal) skirt that I could wear with a similar top at the funeral, and then I could get some more wear out of them as separates in the future.

That must differ though. I've never been to a funeral where black isn't the norm.

I have this https://www.jasperconran.com/collections/winter-sale/products/emily-pintuck-full-skirt-shirt-dress?_pos=2&_fid=4e5a7508c&_ss=c&variant=44109231358186

And this https://www.karenmillen.com/jersey-ponte-georgette-mix-maxi-dress/BKK15495.html?color=105

Both bought to wear at recent funerals.

No, I agree. It would be the all-white outfit that would get to me. White teamed with something dark would be fine.
When a friend died a couple of years ago, her wish was for everyone to wear bright colours. I had a beautiful deep rose check jacket so I wore that over black trousers. When I got to the funeral, I was horrified to see that the other mourners, admittedly mostly quite old, had ignored her wish and were all in black. I felt really conspicuous and out of place, even though I had done nothing wrong. In fact, apart from her closest friend, I was the only one who had honoured her wishes. Thinking about it, I consider it disrespectful to ‘do your own thing’ when someone requests a particular type of dress for a funeral.

I usually wear a dark coloured ditsy print dress that I already had and add a black cardigan unless the dress code is no black and it looks fine.

Condolences on your loss. As an old friend used to say ‘nobody’s going to get off their horse to look at you’ but agree it’s nice to feel appropriate. I am wearing camel or a navy coat over black trousers and a black polo to a close relatives funeral next week. Buy what you’ll enjoy and wear again.

I'm sure it really doesn't matter what you wear, and I say this kindly as I too have a funeral to go to soon. No one is really going to be that interested in what you're wearing. As long as you're smart and feel comfortable. Sorry for your loss

When I went to my father's funeral, it was so devastatingly sad that I couldn't bear to ever wear the outfit again.
This might be something to bear in mind, op, before you design an outfit around the funeral. X

Families often give advice. Some request that black is not worn. If you are going as part of a business, there ought to be an employee nominated to be the point of contact for arrangements, rather than dozens of people individually.

It is quite normal for people to say they don't want their funeral to be sombre.

I think the first one of your suggestions is the best of the links I've looked at, but, that seems a lot to spend on a dress for a funeral. As others have said, a simple pair of black trousers would be much cheaper and seem to be the most commonly worn attire at funerals I go to.

If you already had a navy coat, then I'd say it was fine to wear. As others have said, what people wear is less limited than it used to be but, if you are going out to buy a coat specially, then I'd get a black one. Black is still, overwhelmingly, the most usual colour at funerals.

It really depends on whether you are mourning or not. Those mourning typically were dark clothes (usually predominantly black).

However, only those directly related to the deceased or very closely associated to the deceased mourn the dead. Others are there to show respect, support and commiserate. Dark / black attire is not necessary for this.

Formal suits / clothes should be worn by all.

I have a funeral dress from Boden. Here's a couple.

https://www.boden.com/products/cornelia-ottoman-dress-navy

This is probably ok:

https://www.boden.com/products/naomi-relaxed-jersey-dress-black

I usually wear this which is from boden, they have a few similar in black and dark grey
I put black tights and a black blazer over it

This comes in black and is heavy fabric and flattering

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The velvet one is a good option since it would be suitable for most seasons with tights shoes or boots and jacket or coat in winter or sheer tights and wrap in milder weather.

the others look too summery for me.

I have one above knee black dress which I have worn to every funeral in the last 18 years worn with black tights, as well as initially to other more social winter occasions with bright tights.

i think everyone needs a funeral dress.
and a black coat.
I can go to any that happen without sartorial angst

@ElaDIAM I'm a priest so I've been to a lot of funerals. I'm based in the south of England so maybe there are regional differences. I've worked in the city and in tiny villages and it is rare to see everyone in black. The bereaved really will not notice. What they will remember is that you came and you care.

However, only those directly related to the deceased or very closely associated to the deceased mourn the dead

What ?

Anyone can mourn anyone. You don't have to be 'directly related' or perceived to be 'very closely associated'.

What an odd thing to say.

Others are there to show respect, support and commiserate. Dark / black attire is not necessary for this.

Unfortunately I've been to quite a few funerals in the last 2 years. People from different walks of life and different traditions and backgrounds. People overwhelmingly wear black, whatever their relationship to the deceased.

I mean, it isn't necessary, in that, no-one's going to turn you away, but it is very common practice.

However, only those directly related to the deceased or very closely associated to the deceased mourn the dead.
^
What's odd about this? The deceased are mourned by the family, friends and loved ones. Who mourns someone they don't know? Attendees at a funeral fall into 2 camps

1. those feeling loss at the deceased;
2. those showing respect and support for the living.

The former mourn their loss. The latter don't.^

If you have a John Lewis near you and you are lucky they might still have one of these coats in the sale (there’s only size 20 left online): https://www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-anyday-maxi-top-coat-navy/p112180633.

I bought it in the sale just after Christmas and it looks much more expensive than it was. I’m also tall and it’s a perfect length on me. It comes up big and I sized down.

I've worn black trousers, top and cardigan, and jacket in black/muted colours (but have black coat if it's cold). I think black with a splash of muted colour somewhere is fine - people should have more important things to think about than worrying about what you are wearing.