Help with formal outfit for a funeral

[roamingcat]

Hello,

I have a funeral coming up but because my workplace isn't particularly formal, and I don't look great in all black, I don't have anything to wear! I'm going to need to buy a new outfit, coat and shoes and wanted to use this as an opportunity to invest in a couple of nice pieces which I can wear for future formal events.

I was thinking of a black midi dress and liked the following from nobody's child:

https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/black-velvet-atlas-midi-dress-d241974blk?queryID=15745a2c25811881b2bc454ebf0d5d34

https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/black-tiered-charlie-puff-sleeve-midi-dress-d250427blk?queryID=cee35dca3e7808364315d4b45aefb2dc

https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/black-tiered-clara-midi-dress-d250377blk?queryID=cee35dca3e7808364315d4b45aefb2dc

What do you think? Then I was thinking of buying a dark navy formal coat (if I buy black I don't think I'll wear it that much), and some dark flats. Please share any suggestions for a good quality navy wool coat and flat shoes which would go with the dresses I'm thinking of. Thanks all!

OP if you do go black, pearls are acceptable mourning jewellery, some earrings and a necklace would lift your face if black drains you.

I think those dresses you're leaning towards are too frilly and lacy for a funeral, I think you need to go more formal business dress in style, rather like men dressing smartly for funerals are usually wearing a dark suit.

I wouldn't wear any of your choices to a funeral, especially in January. There's also the risk that once you've worn a dress to a funeral, you won't want to wear it to a happier occasion.
A smart coat is a good investment, but any sober colour is fine.
The finery dresses that a pp linked are more suitable for a funeral, if you think you'd get the wear from them. I used to have a plain long sleeved charcoal dress that I bought for work, and it became my funeral outfit with a black cashmere cardi. The cardi was just a cardi, but the dress - I associated it with sadness, so funerals only from then on. Coats and separates don't seem to take on the emotional weight so much.
Oh and someone mentioned pearls, good shout.

ZW COLLECTION MIDI GODET DRESS - Anthracite grey | ZARA United Kingdom with a black blazer might work

CREPE MIDI DRESS - Black | ZARA United Kingdom

I just have a smart pair of Tesco black straight leg trousers. I borrowed a black blazer from my oldest DD. In the past I have bought outfits for a wedding never worn again. I can't afford to do that on my pension. My last funeral was a hot sunny day last year. I bought a black midi dress m and s in a charity shop,wore black sandals. I'm very pale skinned, hair blonde/white..I don't suit black. Agree with others the dresses, first neck too low and others more suited to a party. Next wedding, I shall hire an outfit.

yes you need sleeves, even in summer churches are chilly. something simple and dark coloured. then buy a nice dark longish wool coat, the nicest you can afford. you see the coat much more than the outfit at a funeral.

At my daughter-in-law's funeral recently very few mourners wore black attire, it is not necessary. Wear anything quiet and unassuming.

Formal suits / clothes should be worn by all.

I don't own anything formal so I've worn black trousers with a smart top. If it's winter I've worn my usual padded coat. The only time I've ever bought something especially for a funeral was when my Mum died and I binned it straight after as I couldn't even look at it. The main thing is what you are wearing is clean and smart.

I’ve got the atlas nobody’s child one and it is really nice. I think it is more of a going out dress though.

All the dresses you've listed seen a bit too party-ish for a funeral tbh.
I have a couple of things I've worn to funerals over the years. I have a classic black Jersey wrap dress from Boden with a grey jacket which is one of my go to's, or a pair of black trousers with a smart white shirt/t shirt again with the grey jacket. I also have a patterned silk scarf in grey/black/white/cream - I only wear this to funerals.

I've unfortunately been to quite a few in the last 5 years - I'm attending one on Wednesday too. Most people just turn up in smart clean clothes of muted colours.

Please don't overthink this - charity shops or Vinted may be a good find for a black jacket or coat.
Tbh attending is the main thing.
Sorry for your loss x

Look on ebay.
I bought a dress and hat and I'm 5' 10''

Things seem to be taking a week to come though.
I would look for a jaegar dress and coat if you want it to last. Plenty on there due to WLD.
(lots of people keep a funeral outfit).

That is what I'd call formal.

To be honest I’ve never worn black to a funeral. I’ve worn charcoal grey, navy and very dark green or bright colours when requested by the family. I wore a charcoal grey suit with a wine coloured blouse to my mothers funeral. A white blouse is perfectly acceptable - let’s face it most men will wear a white shirt with a dark suit and tie.
Personally I think it’s more about the style than the colour i.e. no thigh high splits or plunging necklines…..

Yeah I would just wear normal clothes and get a decent coat that you would wear again. Doesn’t have to be black coloured.

Sorry for your loss x

I love the first dress, I have a very similar one which I wear for all sorts of different occasions and would probably wear to a funeral if I had one coming up now.

You don't have to wear black though, certainly not solid black. At my MIL's funeral a cousin who was very close to her wore olive green, and at my aunt's funeral one of her daughters wore a black, white and bright pink dress. They were both quite conventional people who wouldn't have been trying to shock or be disrespectful.

If you want smart, flat shoes have a look at Gabor. I have some ballet-pump-style shoes from them that are the most comfortable smartish shoes ever.

Sadly Ive been to more funerals than I would wish. I only remember two outfits - one was from about thirty years ago and the woman looked very elegant (helped that she is almost 6 foot tall and very slim) in an ankle length black wool coat and a beautiful wide brimmed hat. The other was a more recent funeral where someone wore an indecently short skirt, bare legs (in December) and had a very low cut top. Not remotely appropriate funeral attire.

I went to a funeral last week. I wore a long dark grey fine pleated skirt from Massimo Dutti that I have had for years, you could wear in summer or winter. in this instance I wore it with a grey cashmere sweater and a black Will jacket from Sezanne that's a smart shaket type style tights and boots. All these things are staples in my wardrobe. For summer funerals i have a structured 1950's silhouette black embroidery anglais button down dress from white company. Noone will notice anyway and most funerals seem to be none black these days.

You can wear anything at all provided it's reasonably kind of 'conservative'.

I think a really good black, navy, or grey coat is a solid investment with loads of re-wear potential. If you get that right then there's a lot less pressure on the rest of the outfit.

We've been to a couple of funerals over the last 18 months and it seems that most people now dress soberly rather than in black. For one I wore a black and burgundy floral dress from Grace & Mila and the other I wore black trousers and a predominantly black and cream shirt, topped on both occasions with a black three quarter length raincoat. Others were in dark colours (navy, green, dark burgundy, dark grey).

I think in your case I'd be leaning towards getting a dark warm coat, which you say you would prefer, and get some inexpensive dark trousers with a dark light knit sweater. Not necessarily just for funerals but items that you could wear again.

The first dress is the most funereal (though I wore a tiered black dress, with underblouse with black lacy sleeves, to my mother's funeral - but it was May) and will also do duty as a formal dress. Do not wear a navy coat with a black dress - they do not go well together. A navy dress will do as well as black, too.
Supermarket black or navy pumps will be fine if you do not wear formal shoes. Not knowing your budget I cannot advise, really.

Unfortunately, I had a lot of close family deaths in the last few years with some of them being unexpected and others as the result of lengthy illness.I needed black clothes for 2/3 day wakes, a private family funeral and 2 large open funerals.
I got great bargains in very classic black Hobbs, Jaegar and Goat/ Atelier dresses, all bought from Vinted.I bought a new black Jaegar coat from Vinted which I'm getting great wear out of and bought some plain black trousers and sweaters from Boden.
Culturally, I need to wear black clothes at funerals and going for classic designs has worked really well for me.It's quite possible to buy barely worn dresses for a fraction of their original value.

Yes, and there is always some outside standing about. Layers !