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Original poster

Help save me from horned hoofdom by Saturday

77 replies

FrannyandZooey · 20/09/2006 18:44

Just bought strappy sandals

Feet are skanky, what is the miracle product or the secret regime I should be following, please? Plus, what colour toenails? Will either be wearing cream and black dress, or chocolate brown and black dress with black trousers

OP posts:
Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 20/09/2006 19:23

I am tempted by fuchsia myself

Will have to run it past MrsBadger of course

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Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 20/09/2006 19:24

and mazzy if I am not mistaken you are suggesting I piss on my feet

well thanks a bunch

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MrsDoolittle · 20/09/2006 19:26

chocolate brown toenails definitely!!

mazzystar · 20/09/2006 19:32

but i thought you were queen of the lentil-weavers and embracer of all things homespun? 'tis only natural after all.

seriously there may be a cheaper alternative to flexitol available at the chemists if you ask them they may know. but don't get fobbed off with anything that has less than 5% artificial wee in it.

may we ask what is the occasion, i never go out these days so live vicariously via other people's social lives

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 20/09/2006 20:25

Chocolate brown toenails with black shoes? OOh oooh I used the new emoticon! I am now thinking plum toenails, maybe?

Mazzy I do very little to deserve this lentil weaver title you know. I am a normal lady with painted toenails and stuff. I never piss on my feet, ever.

It is my birthday next week and this is a meal out with my girlfriends to celebrate it. We go out once a month or so and use it as an excuse to get fairly dressed up - we all have children the same age so it makes a nice change from the usual Mummy activities.

OP posts:
cod · 20/09/2006 20:25

Message withdrawn

SSSandy · 20/09/2006 20:26

Don't know about p*ing on your feet etc. Re toenail colour, how tanned are your legs/feet?

Twatcod · 20/09/2006 20:28

are you ther?
i ahev thigns to do
washing
food
phone clals

ect etc

colditz · 20/09/2006 20:29

Soak in the bath, scrub feet with a plastic pan scourer, but not hard enough to hurt. SMOTHER them in aqueous cream or similar, put sports socks on and go to bed. It works.

colditz · 20/09/2006 20:30

I would go for plum nails with black shoes.

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 20/09/2006 20:33

Cod I am here

you twat

what do I have to do?

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Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 20/09/2006 20:34

Colditz thanks for hints and seal of approval re: plum

SSSandy, my legs are not tanned.

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Twatcod · 20/09/2006 20:34

lol
an accurate insult

  1. make appointment with a CHIRPODIST not a pedicure ist. this is serious. or fi oyu cant then go to shcoll . say you need your ahard ksin removing
  1. use flexitol( costs a fortune in boots0 twice a day till then adn thereafter
lulumama · 20/09/2006 20:37

soak feet in hot soapy water with , then scrub with pumice stone, slather on loads and loads of foot cream pop on some thick cotton socks and sleep with socks on!!! not very alluring, but your feet will be thankful!! and dark plum toe nails !

Twatcod · 20/09/2006 20:37

aha
may i say as a twat and as a horned hoofer in extremis thaty that doesnt work for serious cases

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 20/09/2006 20:41

I am not sure how serious my hoofdom is. I would say on the moderate side rather than extreme.

I cant afford chiropodist right now but will get flipping bothering flexitol wee stuff

Now. Will someone tell me what thread I missed and why it was removed, pls? By email if it is really too too shocking.

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Twatcod · 20/09/2006 20:44

mad owmna clling twig a twat
adn just LOOK now at me

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 20/09/2006 20:48

Why was twig a twat? Cmon I need details

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Twatcod · 20/09/2006 20:48

cos she gave a resoned response to a mad woman

mazzystar · 20/09/2006 20:53

f&z my chiropodist only charges £10.50. its is certainly a no-frills service but feet are smooth as the proverbial baby's bum with no peeing on them required. but if only moderate then flexitol alone should help.

snowleopard · 20/09/2006 20:53

Agree with plum/deep ruby red nails, or alternatively, with that outfit a creamy polish would be nice (probably calling itself "champagne" or "ivory mist" etc.)

A handful of sand is very good for hooves - if you have a sandpit or a handy beach you could save some cash - just rub sand all over rough bits quite hard, then yes I would do the cream in socks thing, it does work. You forget about it after a while. Palmers cocoa butter for me.

squarer · 20/09/2006 20:54

Ok.
Mars and Cod up there with the gods with the Flexitol advice but they missed something important.
Soak your feet in warm water with a good splosh of distilled vinegar in it first. Scrape off hideous stuff and add flexitol. Twice a day if you can muster it, but deffo flexitol twice a day if you can't.
I'm hoooof now. Seeya!

SSSandy · 20/09/2006 20:57

If you've got white feet poking out under black trousers, personally I wouldn't do plum or deep red nails. That "champagner" sounds more like it to me. Especially if you haven't been all that sucessful scraping, creaming and socking and whatever else you're doing to your feet, don't want to draw too much attention to them.

SSSandy · 20/09/2006 20:58

Just checked my own feet

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 20/09/2006 20:58

Good lord you need to be quite dedicated from the sounds of it

I only want them to pass muster in a dim light in a restaurant

I am not planning on any toe sucking shenanigans or anything you know

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