Aibu

[Navigatingstepparenting]

My partners kids have started only coming every other weekend when my children are there. When they aren’t there they don’t come. Whe thy are there all they do is stay awake most the night gaming, sleep until 2/3 so we can’t go our (as he feels guilty leaving them home) and then they go again Sunday. They never know what they want for food as they choose etc. anyways I have just been to Florida with my kids, the ex wife asked when I was going and basically said it was to prepare her for backlash from him as we weren’t around. Well he has been great messaging and didn’t make me feel guilty, didn’t drink however when his kids turned up for both the two weekends and again he was stuck on all day etc and he was bored (he actually said apart from seeing them he had been alone) he was then drinking and I toot bomabrded with messages.
Anyways we fly back today and I have asked if this weekend as my kids are at their dads could he ask his to not come. I want a conversation with him about our weekends and how we need to put rules in place to be fair on all the kids and ultimatly if his kids decide to stay in bed all day we need to just go out with mine as we can’t be couped up all weekend or I will take my kids out. I also would like the weekend just the two of us as o haven’t seen him for 2 weeks and I don’t have jr in me to be dealing with his kids. I ultimately am at the point I will just stay at my own house. Aibu.

YANBU

Oh I recognised your username. I'm glad you went on the Florida holiday WITHOUT him but I honestly have no idea why you are still with this man. He's extremely controlling and a lazy father by all accounts.

So he’s an alcoholic who abuses you and his ex when he has nothing better to do? And his kids disrupt yours?

I’ve read your other posts and honestly can’t understand why you are with this man. Your posts sound very resentful of your partners children. You and your partner have separate houses, so just stay at your own house with your own children if you don’t like that his children come over every other weekend. If he drinks and becomes verbally aggressive when he’s alone, is that really someone you want your children to be around?

I’ve just looked back at some of their posts, I’m baffled. In one they have been together 6 years, in others 7. The gender of the children changes. They live together, live apart…. Strange!!

I just don’t think you get to decide to have weekends just the two of you when it sounds like you have at least 4 kids between you.
If you do actually live together and he wants to stay in with his children and you need to take yours out then do it, he shouldn’t have to leave his to be with yours.
In the long run consider if this shag is worth it because it doesn’t sound like anyone is really thinking of their kids best interests.

Your poor children.
Why are you putting this alcoholic and his children first?
You need to make better choices for you and your children.

He doesn’t drink when I’m home, he had an issue but since last September doesn’t drink. But being away and his kids how they are he got drunk. @Merrymoonagewe don’t live together. Thing is he wants to go out, he hates being stuck in doors all day but feels he has to stay in because it’s not fair on them that when they eventually wake at 2/3 in the afternoon he’s not here.
@Teawithfrenchtoastthen coming every other weekend works great for me. This weekend should have been a weekend they don’t come because my kids are at their dads but one of his kids decided to.

his youngest picks and choices when she comes. She seemed to come every weekend when I wasn’t here and got everyrbinf she demanded. They take the piss out of him and it’s not fair.

They take the piss out of him and it’s not fair.
Honestly every single thread you post...you are so horrible and full of hate to his kids (especially the younger daughter).

Just stop. Nobody is happy in this weird relationship.

@BudgetBusterhe has openly said that they come over the two weekends I wasn’t and they wanted this takeaway and at the shop he couldn’t afford to do food for himself for the week as they wanted this and that. But he doesn’t have the courage to say no, but if I am there and say no it helps him out. When I am there with my kids it’s easier for him to say he wants to go out and actualllybleave the house on his day off; but when I’m not he was made to feel guilty. Their mum asked me when I was away and I thought it was to stop them going but no she messaged and said she forced them to go and she was hoping he would take them out just them but it didn’t happen. He has complained she was whinging collecting the girls that he should have woke them up and forced them out.
then my fan was missing from our room, and he was like I have it to her whilst you were away. I have said it’s not acceptable when I’m here she’s never complained but as soon as I ain’t she’s complained. It’s pathetic!

It's not pathetic. He loves his kids.
It isn't your shared room, it's his room in his house.

What's pathetic is you going over every weekend, dictating what happens and then coming online complaining week in and week out about his kids.

You absolutely should not be with this man.

If you don’t live together, why are you staying at his house when he has his DC, and taking your kids? I don’t understand.

Agree.

his youngest picks and choices when she comes. She seemed to come every weekend when I wasn’t here and got everyrbinf she demanded. They take the piss out of him and it’s not fair.

His child being in his home isn’t taking the piss out of him and his children don’t need to operate on a schedule that suits you. It doesn’t matter if he sees his children every weekend!
Expecting his children to fall in line and only see their dad when you have your children and not when you’re “free” is crazy.

I agree with this. I can't see the point of dating this man and resenting the few hours a month he bothers with his kids.
You could be happy instead of this nonsense.

Everything about your posts is toxic to your partners children @Navigatingstepparenting , you 100% resent them. It’s not your job to say no to them when you’re not even living in the same house. You decide what happens at your house with your own children, he decides what happens at his house with his children…and if he’s not willing to put boundaries in place then that is his choice. The children aren’t “taking the piss” they are visiting their dad who lacks boundaries and any form of parenting by the sounds of it.

Stay at your house with your kids. Permanently!

@Bluenotgreen me and my kids stay there Friday and Saturdays, Mondays and Thursdays. He will stay at mine usually Tuesdays. My kids have a room there when we stay.
@BudgetBusterhe says it is our room.

@Merrymoonage they take the piss because they are only turning up to get things. The turned up when I’m not there to get takeaways and this and that. The eldest turns up when she wants money for Roblox and now she wants him to buy her a computer for her mums so he has said is she comes XYZ then he will so she’s now doing that. He is buying them. And she laughed about it this morning on the phone to her mum when I was still there he had left to go work: apparently the plan has worked. I did record jr all to show him. They use him to get what they want and then won’t see him for months. Then he expects us to all go abroad next year. I have said I will but I will also be taking just him and my kids on a seperate one as he said to her last night you won’t have good WiFi there. It’ll be hot and she was already complaining. He has said he thinks we will only go once with them and they won’t want to again

I feel so sorry for all the children living in this shit show.

You recorded her phone call with her mother? You need therapy

@BudgetBusteri only recorded the bit wheee she was saying how their plan had worked. Because he otherwise wouldn’t believe what I was telling him. He has now decided not to help towards the computer.

Me too.

I can’t get my head around it at all.

Why are you obsessed with mentioning the times they go to their dad’s house when you aren’t there? You pitch up to their dad’s house, with your kids a significant portion of the week, of course they want to go when you’re not there. Why are you making that an issue?
Why do you have such an issue with him buying his children a bloody takeaway, but going on and on about wanting him to do days out for you and your kids, and activities and holidays?
You seem obsessed with competing with his children and trying to constantly get him to divert his attention and money to you, and away from his children. It’s all so pathetic.

You need to stay home and have your kids in your house when you have them for the weekend and he needs to stay in his home when he has his! He also needs to start parenting his kids and saying no. They’re taking the mick because he is allowing it. He also shouldn't be letting them stay up all night and sleeping all day. As a mother, i would not want kids in this mess.

It’s not the first time you’ve recorded his kids though. There was that sleepover, remember.