Should my working adult stepdaughter contribute to bills and chores?

[Marigh20]

I have an adult stepdaughter who will soon be 21 my partner doesnt think we should be asking her to contribute to bills as she is working and is paying the finance on her car and needs money to be eating out with friends buying clotjes and paying for holidays with her friends, this is causing arguments as he allows her to do what she wants in the house and she doesnt do any household chores at all she expects to have her dinner cooked and her washing done and to do what she wants with her money, my partner cooks her meals and washes her clothes.
Am I being unreasonable that I expect her to contribute to bills especially when she is earning £1700 per month ?

Of course she should pay something.

Tell him that you consider her an adult so the bills need to be split 3 ways, he can pay her share if he likes but you won't cover her.

It depends whose house it is : yours, your partner's or is it a shared purchase/rental? The solution to the problem will depend on your answer

My 18 and 19 year olds pay towards bills and do any chores I ask. They want to be treated like adult members of our household, so they act like it. Definitely not an unreasonable ask.

I expect I will be asking my dds at that age and working full time to contribute, but I will also be mindful if they are actively saving for a deposit for a house for example. But I’m talking of my own children who I have brought up so if they turn out to be spoilt and ungrateful, lots of that is on me and how I’ve parented. So what lm asking there, is what is the history there for you all, whose house is it, how long have you lived together, who did her parenting etc?

He is failing her. He needs to be teaching her about money (budgeting, bills, saving). It is part of raising a child. It will teach her independence and will protect her to some extent from ending up in a relationship with a financially controlling man.

That's completely irrelevant.

when my children started working I asked for a small amount of rent and provided the basics for food. Snacks and extras they bought.
they did some of their washing but often I’d grab stuff if I saw it. However their room wasn’t touched and if it’s messy, dirty clothes on the floor that’s where it stayed.
if your H is cooking her food that’s up to him as long as he doesn’t expect you to do it unless it’s a meal you’re all eating together.

Hi sorry forgot to mention its my house so all the bills are paid by me and my partner

Your house your choice

Crosspost with your update. If it is your house, you sent the ground rules. But if your partner is making her food and paying her share of bills, I don't see why you would have an issue with it. How long have you been together and how long living together?

You said partner, not husband. Whose house is it and are there any other children?

I would expect her to be cleaning her own room, tidying ip after herself. Buying her own toiletries, drink and snack food. And i would also expect her to be saving and investing money.

She should be paying rent and doing chores. This is a DH problem. You need to take a stand here and give him an ultimatum.

Your house, your choice!

I wouldn’t want my adult child to be paying the same amount of money towards my house as me however I would take a token amount of them.

we have taken £100 off our adult child a month , this has enabled them to buy their first home this year as they managed to save a good deposit over the last 3 years.

I don’t make mine pay as they are saving for a house deposit - but they do their washing and they also cook meals for us (not every day but often). I don’t think she can have everything - she needs to do ‘something’!

Flat deposit I should say!!

Boom it isn't!

It is hugely relevant that it’s your house, I’m not sure why a poster above thought it wasn’t.

how long has she lived with you for and are you happy living with her?

If he won’t charge her then he needs to oat her share. Why should you pay for another adult?!

She has lived with us since she was 19, I also have a 15 year old in the house

I need money to eat out with friends, buy clothes and pay for holidays but sadly have bills to pay. Your partner is not helping his daughter by not preparing her for real life. Unless the plan is for her to never move out (sweet Jesus!)

I meant she should be paying whoever's house it is. Why should she live for free? She's a working adult.

Your house, she is essentially a lodger, you have no legal or biological connection to her! You’re not married! Charge her what you want or she can move out.

My adult children pay rent. It doesn't cover the cost of them living here though. If the bills were split equally they'd be shocked.

She and your partner are taking the piss.
Either she starts paying her way and doing her own cooking and washing or she leaves.
If your partner doesn't like it he can leave with her. You have a cock lodger and his waste of space daughter freeloading off you and this needs to end immediately @Marigh20

Why should she not?