I don't want to go and visit - aibu?

[SushiMayo]

PLEASE NOTE THIS IS IN THE STEP PARENTING SECTION

DH's ex lives some distance, a round trip is 3 hours. I have two teen DSC and me and DH share one younger child. They live with mum the majority of the time and come here every other weekend and half the holidays.

Eldest DSC got a job at the weekends so that means they stopped visiting every weekend. Youngest DSC still comes. DH instead take youngest DSC back on Sunday and they all go out for Sunday lunch.

Anyhoo DH is moaning as its been 3 months of this now so what 6 weekends and I haven't joined them. I've used the time to spend time with DC on my own. I don't want to give that up as I rarely get time quality time alone with DC due to working .

Aibu?

PLEASE NOTE THIS IS IN THE STEP PARENTING SECTION

YANBU

Not at all, not your kids. I might occasionally join them if I felt like it, but certainly not every time. The contact time is for their dad not you

My SC is an adult now , but I would have gone too by now OP . Once every six weeks sounds ok to me . Sorry I know it’s tough

Your husband barely sees his kids (every other weekend is what, 14 times a year? And some holidays? Brutal.), so he must strive to spend as much time with them/the one who still sees him, he should be desperate to have one on one time.

I would have thought he’d appreciate some time on his own with his DC.
I think I’d probably make an effort to go sometimes with him, as you are a family but I totally get that you enjoy one on one time with your DC too.

I would agree to going along every few weeks. How are you going to maintain any sort of relationship otherwise. Do they see their younger step sibling? Surely sometimes you all have to be together?
You don’t need to go every week though.

My mum used to go every other time (so once a month) to see her husbands daughter. He went every other weekend (4 hour round trip) and picked up his dd. Stayed with his dm who was in his old town.
Worked out well as a compromise that mum went every other time.
Could you come to a compromise along those lines?

Presumably the Child's father could take them to see their step siblings....?

It's a lot to expect a young child to spend 3 hours in a car. Who moved away him or the ex?

I think you should compromise and go every few weeks. Otherwise you're not a family are you, you're two separate families with a toddler in the middle.

understandable that you don’t want to travel, but why isn’t your husband taking the youngest child with him? The siblings should have time together.

Every so often is not unreasonable. It would also help your shared child develop a relationship with their half sibling.

I'd have gone by now but I love going out for Sunday lunch. I also love being with teens.

Does your dc ever go with your dh on this Sunday trip? If not, how is he going to have a relationship with his eldest brother?
I'd have thought having a bit of a rota between dh taking dss2 by himself, dh taking dss2 and your shared ds, and sometimes you going too so all your dh family have Sunday lunch together at times.

I think you should go now and again because otherwise you'll never spend time as a whole family. I assume your child never goes with him either.

I can see why that would bother your husband.

Are people missing the fact that the stepchild has been with them all weekend and this is just the 6 hour jaunt OP is declining?

The youngest stepchild has been there all weekend, this is a trip to see the eldest.

And it's a 3 hour round trip not 6. 90 minutes each way @Obeast .

Personally I think your joint DC should meet up with eldest DSC at least once a month. You can go or not, that is irrelevant here, we are talking about 3 DC who share a parent, that parent needs to consider their DC's relationship.

For what it’s worth op, as I got older and started staying less my step-mum occasionally visited me when my dad did (maybe once every couple of months). I’m really grateful she did. It helped us keep/grow our relationship. At that time I wasn’t mature enough to understand why this was important.

It does mean that their half sibling never sees the elder, a compromise maybe, 1:3

Yanbu

Half sibling not step sibling. The youngest sees them anyway and the eldest stepchild isn't really that bothered, I think the age gap is a factor there. I could suggest that perhaps though maybe every few meetups and I can use the time to have me time

Yeah I'm thinking he could take the little one every so often. I'm still not needed

That's a good point