I don't want to go and visit - aibu?

[SushiMayo]

PLEASE NOTE THIS IS IN THE STEP PARENTING SECTION

DH's ex lives some distance, a round trip is 3 hours. I have two teen DSC and me and DH share one younger child. They live with mum the majority of the time and come here every other weekend and half the holidays.

Eldest DSC got a job at the weekends so that means they stopped visiting every weekend. Youngest DSC still comes. DH instead take youngest DSC back on Sunday and they all go out for Sunday lunch.

Anyhoo DH is moaning as its been 3 months of this now so what 6 weekends and I haven't joined them. I've used the time to spend time with DC on my own. I don't want to give that up as I rarely get time quality time alone with DC due to working .

Aibu?

PLEASE NOTE THIS IS IN THE STEP PARENTING SECTION

I guess part of me is thinking its what 3 hours every two weeks that they spend together. It's probably a good idea they can talk without me there. But yeah maybe I should pop along every so often. Thanks everyone

YANBU. That’s a long drive with a toddler, will SC now never come over? It should be mixed really as in SC comes to you every so often and you join the Sunday lunch every so often (if they are working I assume they’re no longer a child)

How old is the oldest dsc?

If they are working at the weekend, I’m guessing 16~18yo?
Then it’s also part of them growing up. So rather than looking at ‘you only see this CHILD a few times a year’ etc… I’d be thinking ahead on how contact could look like when they start Uni and have their own life.
Incl the fact that yes it’s great to spend time together as a family (all siblings together in particular) but it’s likely that it won’t happen as often iyswim.

I think once very few months is not an unreasonable ask.

The eldest child and your young child should get some time together ( not that you have to go too)

Personally yes, I think you are. Going maybe one in 4 so you spend time as a family would be nice if you can’t bear the thought of doing it more frequently. That’s only once every couple of months.

Only if there are 28 weeks in a year.

I think you should go occasionally. It gets easier as they get older, it will also give you shared things to talk about as a family, which again helps. Maybe do something as well as lunch with older one.

I guess the eldest SDC are still coming to you in the school holidays?

Have they asked for you to attend?

Tbh, your DH can take your shared DC for Sunday lunch without you being there.

If it was me I'd probably put in an appearance every 4 months or so.