I'm pregnant and no children of my own. My DP have been together 2 years, we don't live together but have been looking for a place.
4 months ago his DS 11 started staying with him one week on one week off. It was fine to begin with, but I noticed that his behaviour changed when his son was around. Understandably, he occupied by his son, I feel he does a little too much for him (everything), but he's distracted and telling him what to do most of the time. As with any child, his needs and wants shape our day (what we can and can't eat, when, what we can do with an 11 yr old and for how long (before he starts complaining and we have to come home).
My DP is kind, supportive, reliable, qualities I haven't felt in the past, and he adores me. I'm very lucky, however he's very traditional, is used to having quite a mundane life. I've always been creative, doing lots of fun and interesting things, living in different countries, exploring new places, I love the outdoors, dancing, yoga, listening to music, having fun, being free!
Generally his son is perfectly fine, never rude, but isn't very interested in connecting. He plays video games, reads comics, plays with lego, he's really no problem, although I do think he may be slightly on the spectrum as he doesn't have many friends or interests and only really talks in facts and can't really have a conversation.
I've always liked to experience new things, or just feel freedom and adventure every once in a while, but I'm finding we do nothing except watch TV. On the weekends without DS, we don't do much unless I organise it, I've found myself getting quite depressed, losing interest in the things I know I need to do to keep my spirits up, like seeing friends and going to the gym.
I think part of it is my partners fault, I think he likes to do less, but also the situation is that when DS is with us, we don't much. I just feel like I'm waiting around, keeping myself semi occupied while being there between their activities and then it's the end of the day. I feel like a babysitter who isn't being paid.
We've been looking for a new place to move in together properly, but we haven't been able to find an affordable 3 bed and as I work from home and it's causing stress to explain that I can't live in a 2 bed, work in the living room when his son will come back between 2 - 4pm each day. Right now we're staying together and I'm having to work on a tiny desk in the bedroom.
I know a lot of this is due to being pregnant. I think you really question all of this as part of the process. I'm booked in for an abortion next week as I don't think I can bring a child into this situation as I feel so unsatisfied and unhappy.
I have no doubt I would be a good mother, and that of course being a mother will bring restrictions to the things I can do, but I do believe it is possible to live creatively with a child.
I know we can bring excitement and have responsibility for our own happiness but I'm not sure I can be happy in this set up. It feels limiting and so very, very boring, like I'm wasting my life.
I realise I may sound very privileged and selfish, especially to those of have children, but the thing is, I do have a choice. I don't have to have children, and I feel it's really selling myself short if I end up just waiting around for children, never being able to do things that make me happy or keep me sane.
Please again forgive some of this messaging, I don't think I would have spoken in these terms if I wasn't pregnant, I used to be much more forgiving and patient. I feel like I'm fighting for myself and my child, and maybe that's natural at this point.
I'd appreciate your advice, thoughts or examples of where this has and hasnt worked