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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Am I over reacting ?

37 replies

Coldntired · 14/07/2023 14:48

Happy to be told yes.

DP and I together for 5.5 years, don't live together but see each other nearly every day and night.
I have 2 older dc that I have all the time, he has 2 younger dc 5050.
My youngest has a birthday ( 13 ) and we are all going for a meal.
DP wanted the meal early ( 6.30) so that he can drop his dc ( 11 and 8) back to the exw before 9pm. She doesnt like them out late and its " her night ", she is allowing them to come to the birthday meal. I wanted to book it later as I have older dc and we wanted to make a night of it.
I'm irritated that we had to book the birthday meal for early, but i'm mainly irritated that I will be clock watching all night worrying about his ex and his dc when its MY childs birthday.

They are 11 and 8 ?? Its not going to be a late night. Would it really have mattered and also why can he never disagree with the exw ??
Im really noticing the difference in how we parent just recently but I dont know if im over reacting or not..
If we are all a family now maybe I should be more understanding, but it sometimes seems like its always HIS dc that we make allowances for and not mine...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

suburbophobe · 14/07/2023 14:52

Personally I prefer to eat around that time but hey! This is a celebration!

I wouldn't be "clock-watching" for those kids at all. Let him deal with it.

Anniejameslastcallanniejames · 14/07/2023 14:53

I think there will always be a difference in how you parent and maybe that has to be discussed at a later point, however on this occasion its your childs birthday and its about her. Maybe you can have a nice lunch at home with some cupcakes or something before they leave. It’s sad because of their mum they’ll have to miss out but its not about anyone but your child on their birthday x

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 14/07/2023 14:54

You and your dc don't have to clock watch, take two cars and you can have a leisurely meal and your dp can take his kids home when he needs to.

Original poster

Coldntired · 14/07/2023 14:56

Well ive booked it for 6.30pm now and we are all going so I WILL be clock watching.
I guess if we arent ready to leave the restaurant he can leave and return later.

OP posts:

HeckyPeck · 14/07/2023 14:57

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 14/07/2023 14:54

You and your dc don't have to clock watch, take two cars and you can have a leisurely meal and your dp can take his kids home when he needs to.

I would do this and if you don't have 2 cars, he can drop his kids back then come back and collect you.

It's not fair for you and your DC to have your night ruined and I would hold firm on that.

HeckyPeck · 14/07/2023 14:58

Coldntired · 14/07/2023 14:56

Well ive booked it for 6.30pm now and we are all going so I WILL be clock watching.
I guess if we arent ready to leave the restaurant he can leave and return later.

I would leave it to him to clock watch. It's his problem if he ends up being late. Don't let it ruin your night OP!

Quitelikeit · 14/07/2023 15:01

I really don’t understand this. Why can’t you continue the celebrations after he has gone?

Or why did the other children have to come?

adviceneeded1990 · 14/07/2023 15:01

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 14/07/2023 14:54

You and your dc don't have to clock watch, take two cars and you can have a leisurely meal and your dp can take his kids home when he needs to.

This is exactly what I’d do. Seems like a mountain out of a molehill. He leaves with his DC when needed, you and your DC stay out later.

Quitelikeit · 14/07/2023 15:02

It’s your kid’s birthday so why bow down to the other kids and their preferences?

Seddon · 14/07/2023 15:03

9pm for an 8yo sounds pretty reasonable.

Who's idea was it that everyone had to come? Couldn't you just have a meal with your own kids?

clpsmum · 14/07/2023 15:03

I don't think 6:30 is early. Could you not eat it as that time and him take kids back and you and your dc make a night of it?

clpsmum · 14/07/2023 15:04

Coldntired · 14/07/2023 14:56

Well ive booked it for 6.30pm now and we are all going so I WILL be clock watching.
I guess if we arent ready to leave the restaurant he can leave and return later.

Exactly, good idea. You are over reacting. No need to your to clock watch it doesn't take two and a half hours for children to eat a meal and you can stay out with your dc surely

Ponderingwindow · 14/07/2023 15:04

6:30 is hardly early.

i also don’t understand why he can’t just leave and take the younger ones home while you continue the celebration. It will be plenty of time for a dinner and dessert. It’s not like young children will be interested or able to participate in whatever festivities you have planned for after.

Original poster

Coldntired · 14/07/2023 15:04

I'm not bowin down, we love his dc, we would like them to come too, we are a family. Its just if we can't agree on things then on THIS occasion I feel like the fact its MY dc's birthday should be the deciding factor.
Anyway, we will all go and then if he needs to drop them off he can. We will will continue.

OP posts:

JulieHoney · 14/07/2023 15:05

You are overreacting. His ex is being accomodating so the children can come to the meal. You do two cars so the 'leaving early" is on him, of you go home by taxi later. You and your children relax into your evening.

Original poster

Coldntired · 14/07/2023 15:06

Yep Im over reacting. Thank you. Its fine.
We will carry on and do as I said above. 🙂

OP posts:

Seddon · 14/07/2023 15:08

So you want these kids to come because they're 'family' even though they're meant to be with their mum. She's agreed, on the condition they're home at a reasonable hour for the little one. Yeah I don't think you have any reason to feel put out here. You had the chance to continue with your own plans and have them fit around you.

Lovingitallnow · 14/07/2023 15:36

I think you can sometimes get worried about setting precedent but at the end of the day relationships aren't court cases. So it's ok to say yes we did that last time but it doesn't really suit, or I'd like to do it differently etc. As you say, it's not a. Oh deal it's just the concern that it's setting the tone for the future. And at the end of the day even if you set a tone you are within your rights to change it if it no longer suits.

Louoby · 14/07/2023 18:48

I think your over reacting, it's not an unreasonable time to eat. If he suggested 4:30/5:00pm then yes that's rather early. Ned time, just don't invite them 🤷🏻‍♀️

RegainingTheWill2023 · 14/07/2023 18:54

I think it's actually a good example of give and take.
Your dsc's dm agrees they come fir the meal out of the schedule and your agreeing to get them back at the time she asks.
You can choose to see it as a winning compromise or see it as capitulation. I know which would be better all round.

Redlarge · 14/07/2023 18:56

clpsmum · 14/07/2023 15:03

I don't think 6:30 is early. Could you not eat it as that time and him take kids back and you and your dc make a night of it?

This. I think sc mums 'demands' are more than reasonable

determinedtomakethiswork · 14/07/2023 19:07

Everyone is being reasonable here. You and your kids can stay out later and your partner can take his kids to their mum's. However, if he regularly makes you all prioritises his own over yours, then you need to consider whether you should be together.

CurlewKate · 14/07/2023 19:14

Why would you be clock watching? You enjoy your meal with your older kids. He can leave early with his if it gets a bit late. He can then come back-or not-as he chooses.

YukoandHiro · 14/07/2023 19:16

If you want young kids in attendance you've got to eat early. Struggling to see the bigger issue here.

If you wanted to do something with just your kids and your DP you should have told him that

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 15/07/2023 09:31

You have made your child's birthday all about him and his children. Maybe ask yourself why you felt the need to do that. I would have booked with what my child wanted, they would have to work around that. If they couldn't make it then it would be a shame but that would be the end of it. Concentrate on your own children and let him worry about his.

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