Am I over reacting ?

[Coldntired]

Happy to be told yes.

DP and I together for 5.5 years, don't live together but see each other nearly every day and night.
I have 2 older dc that I have all the time, he has 2 younger dc 5050.
My youngest has a birthday ( 13 ) and we are all going for a meal.
DP wanted the meal early ( 6.30) so that he can drop his dc ( 11 and 8) back to the exw before 9pm. She doesnt like them out late and its " her night ", she is allowing them to come to the birthday meal. I wanted to book it later as I have older dc and we wanted to make a night of it.
I'm irritated that we had to book the birthday meal for early, but i'm mainly irritated that I will be clock watching all night worrying about his ex and his dc when its MY childs birthday.

They are 11 and 8 ?? Its not going to be a late night. Would it really have mattered and also why can he never disagree with the exw ??
Im really noticing the difference in how we parent just recently but I dont know if im over reacting or not..
If we are all a family now maybe I should be more understanding, but it sometimes seems like its always HIS dc that we make allowances for and not mine...

Yes to taking two cars. Or change it to lunch?

This. It's up to him now

It’s sad because of their mum they’ll have to miss out
Wtf? It's mum's time with her children. She has said fine to them attending the meal. She has asked that the younger age is taken into consideration. What is she doing wrong, exactly?

It’s her night not your dps. Your dcs birthday is never going to be his exs priority, why would it? But she is letting the come out to dinner, she just wants them home by 9. This isn’t your dp failing to prioritise your dc, it’s him not being silly enough to get a favour from his ex for your dps birthday and thinking he’d say it’s not good enough and needs more, when 9 is a perfectly normal home time!

It's not the children's preferences that are being bowed down to.

9 seems fair. If it's her night typically then she can state what works for her children.

If you don't want to make allowances maybe you shouldn't have invited SC.

Ultimately it's your DPs responsibility to get them back and you should try to relax for your DC.

Do t clock watch. That’s their fathers job. He can leave with the kids when he needs to. I don’t think the mum is being at all unreasonable saying nine pm for an eight year old. You either want them there or you don’t.

I wouldn't have invited them at all if to suspect it will affect your child's enjoyment of the evening.

You*

Your child’s birthday - you make the arrangements to suit you and them and if sc can’t come so be it !

My first thought is 5.5 years and you don’t live together? Hmmmmm.. not sure you have any say in the matter unfortunately..the ex probably doesn’t look upon your relationship as anything Inparticular if you’re not even living together.. you’re just the girlfriend .. sorry don’t mean to sound harsh.. but in her position I wouldn’t be letting my kids out late either♥️

I think it will be fine. You'll all go, have a nice time and he can drop his kids back off. When your a blended family there has to be give and take on both sides. I have kids with my ex and if it was me I probably would just have swapped a day so dad could have them that night. But hey ho it is what it is.

6.30 isn't early, you wouldn't be eating 7/7.15pm