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Original poster

Am I the selfish one?!

47 replies

Childlessmum1 · 28/12/2022 00:55

Back in Jan 2022 I got back with my childhood sweetheart. He now has a 4 year old who is 'the apple of his eye'. She rules the roost and I don't get one single look in. I need advice on one of the many things that have occurred! He sleeps on my living room floor with her on a air bed and I'm not to sleep upstairs in bed because I look selfish or like I'm not interested (even after interacting all day) tonight she put my big quilt in her big tent and her dad had his blanket on the air bed and I was on the sofa with a dressing gown over me, she was cwtched in with her dad so I grabbed my quilt out of her tent and she screamed and he told me to leave it , watched me get back on the sofa with my dressing gown knowing full well the quilt will not be used!!! I told him I feel completely disrespected as I would never do that to him and quite frankly think it's poor parenting as he should have told her she's not using it so I am but after saying that he called me selfish and weird!!! I am loosing the plot over how I'm constantly last and can't even have an opinion when it comes to his child.
Should I just leave as I'm clearly not wanted and let him be sorry for loosing me?

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 28/12/2022 01:16

I would be taking the quilt and going to sleep in my bed straight away. If this causes problems then I would be seriously reconsidering the relationship

LHReturns · 28/12/2022 01:19

How recently did he become a divorced father? Is she with you every other weekend etc?

misssunshine4040 · 28/12/2022 01:23

Take the quilt and go upstairs and get a sleep. He is being utterly ridiculous.
Yea 4 year s should come first etc but just do what you want to do and get on with your life.
He has to parent his child not you step back and don't let him manipulate you

Aquamarine1029 · 28/12/2022 01:25

You're a fool if you don't end this relationship immediately. There is no fixing this disaster.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 28/12/2022 01:25

Why are you sleeping on a sofa??

AutumnScream · 28/12/2022 01:26

Wtf. Leave him that is ridiculous and wont improve. Grab YOUR quilt and get to your bed and tell him to grow the fuck up that you wont be dictated to by a four year old.

Eyerollcentral · 28/12/2022 01:27

You have been together less than a year, is he living with you? Not sure why you are all sleeping in the living room, but clearly you should have bedding for your own bed. And yes of course his daughter is the apple of your boyfriend’s eye, that’s as it should be. But you deserve a proper relationship.

lamaze1 · 28/12/2022 01:29

Has he moved in with you?

Regardless, this is a slippery slope and likely get worse. I'd end things now.

Chantelle302412 · 28/12/2022 01:35

Oh girl!!! I feel you!! Although I was on his sofa for the first couple months cause he didn’t have a bed in the spare bedroom but ever since I have our bed when the child is with us and r he squeezes in the single with the 9 year old.

i feel this, total disrespect unrealistic expectations and unfairness. It’s your home your rules if you want to stay in your bed with your quilt go and do so make a point that you will not be walked all over by him or his child in your own home. Mine swans off into said child’s mothers house for 15/20 mins sometimes and doesn’t even think about me and his now 1 year old who is well into getting Impatient in being stuck in her car seat by now so I’ve made my point and if he ever does it again I will either get me and the baby out and go to the door and knock it or I will beep my horn and I will do it again until he comes out.

its not about coming first it’s about making sure everyone’s needs are met in a realistic way which yours aren’t even being considered. If this continues I would seriously consider your relationship cause I’m 2 years and a baby deep and I feel as if my partners other child and how my partner treats him compared to my daughter etc is a deal breaker. So please don’t get as deep as I am without thinking about what you want from life cause I’ve learned Me and my child come second and not even equal to his first born.

misssunshine4040 · 28/12/2022 01:39

Chantelle302412 · 28/12/2022 01:35

Oh girl!!! I feel you!! Although I was on his sofa for the first couple months cause he didn’t have a bed in the spare bedroom but ever since I have our bed when the child is with us and r he squeezes in the single with the 9 year old.

i feel this, total disrespect unrealistic expectations and unfairness. It’s your home your rules if you want to stay in your bed with your quilt go and do so make a point that you will not be walked all over by him or his child in your own home. Mine swans off into said child’s mothers house for 15/20 mins sometimes and doesn’t even think about me and his now 1 year old who is well into getting Impatient in being stuck in her car seat by now so I’ve made my point and if he ever does it again I will either get me and the baby out and go to the door and knock it or I will beep my horn and I will do it again until he comes out.

its not about coming first it’s about making sure everyone’s needs are met in a realistic way which yours aren’t even being considered. If this continues I would seriously consider your relationship cause I’m 2 years and a baby deep and I feel as if my partners other child and how my partner treats him compared to my daughter etc is a deal breaker. So please don’t get as deep as I am without thinking about what you want from life cause I’ve learned Me and my child come second and not even equal to his first born.

Why are you putting up with a situation that's making you so unhappy? If drop off takes 20 mins and you like it then why are you going along?

Lilithslove · 28/12/2022 01:44

I honestly cannot understand how things have got to this point. Did you not tell your partner to fuck off the first time he ordered you to sleep on the sofa?

You say "my" living room floor. If this is not a typo and he's doing this in your own house rather than a joint one then tell him he has to move out. He clearly has no respect for you.

mackthepony · 28/12/2022 01:45

Finish the relationship

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/12/2022 02:26

Aquamarine1029 · 28/12/2022 01:25

You're a fool if you don't end this relationship immediately. There is no fixing this disaster.

Very very true.

Thingiemajig · 28/12/2022 02:43

Take the quilt and sleep upstairs in your bed. Ignore any screaming, don’t interact with either. If he wants a camp out in the lounge that’s his choice. The man clearly lacks boundaries for his child and respect for you. Please leave.

dolor · 28/12/2022 02:56

Run AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Coyoacan · 28/12/2022 02:57

I'd like a parent who knew how to persuade their child to do what they should do without it being a drama. But your partner seems to have forgotten that part of being a parent is teaching our children to be considerate of other people.

Newestname002 · 28/12/2022 03:01

Really OP, why are you putting up with such disrespectful behaviour - especially in your own home? 🌹

astralpiano · 28/12/2022 07:48

Utterly ridiculous. Sleep in the bed and loose the man.

Tirediam · 28/12/2022 07:51

This is ridiculous! Is it your house ? Either way I wouldn’t be sleeping on a sofa for anyone

frazzledasarock · 28/12/2022 07:52

I would be telling him to sleep in his house with his child. And I’d stay firmly at home in my house in my bed snuggled in my duvet.

like hell would I be shivering on a lumpy couch in a dressing gown instead of getting a good nights sleep.

LTB. He’s a shit dad and a shit partner, why on earth have you even entertained such ridiculousness? Why is he dictating to you how and where you sleep in your own home?

BrewandBiscuit · 28/12/2022 08:01

This is very weird OP!

lunar1 · 28/12/2022 08:07

Who's house is this? It sounds like yours. Sleep in your own bed with your duvet and send him back to wherever he lives.

DriftwoodOnTheShore · 28/12/2022 08:27

lunar1 · 28/12/2022 08:07

Who's house is this? It sounds like yours. Sleep in your own bed with your duvet and send him back to wherever he lives.

Yup. Out they go!

Navigatingthroughlife · 28/12/2022 08:33

Rules the roost at 4? Wait till she gets to 13 if he’s too soft now run as it’ll only get worse

bluepen12 · 28/12/2022 08:56

This is madness. I would get him to see the child somewhere else until he learns basic boundaries and respect, that's for 1. Has he not got his own flat?

  1. She is only 4. There are multiple problems ahead and his attitude makes things much worse
3, children's needs come first, not their wants! She was cosy and warm. She didn't need to take your quilt to her tent. I wouldn't allow the bedding to be dragged through the floor. She must be having her own quilt or blankets she could use.

They both walk over you and you dont have a say in your own house. This is disaster waiting to happen. I wouldn't tolerate it. And who is he to tell you where you are allowed to sleep.

No no and no
Sorry Op