I will cut a long story short here. My DP has a DD4 from previous relationship. Both DSD and ex are autistic and DSD also has learning difficulties.
My DP and I have DS1 together and another on the way. The ex allows DSD to do pretty much what she wants - chocolate for dinner, ipad 24/7, whatever she wants she gets basically. She is non-verbal and still in nappies (mostly down to the fact neither parent has really attempted to potty train her).
Obviously we have different rules in our house. But my DP says he feels he is constantly battling with DSD and it is causing frequent meltdowns. He feels guilty because he only sees her 2 overnights a week and wants to enjoy his time with her. While I understand this I also feel we need to follow some rules as an example to our own children. Some things will always be different for DSD with her autism but I feel there needs to be some basic ground rules for everyone to adhere to. Am I ridiculous for not allowing a child to have chocolate for dinner in my house??
Problem being - I’m the only one that seems to enforce them and slowly and feeling more like the wicked stepmum when at the core I have nothing but good intentions. I’m tired of feeling like I parent DSD more than her actual parents and if they don’t want to provide her with some structure then why should I - it’s exhausting and I get no thanks for it. I would like to disengage from the situation as it is really causing me stress and anxiety but I worry about my children growing up and the impact on them. Will they see it as double standards? Why is mum setting rules for us and their sister can do what she wants? This is a real worry for me. Any words of wisdom or advice on how to proceed would be appreciated.