Thinking DH needs to start paying more than 50% toward household stuff due to DSC

[Hugssss]

Me and DH have always just split things relatively 50:50 as we earn around the same.

We have a joint account that pays bills, household things like food ect.. and then we have our own separate accounts for our own spending.

However, I'm thinking of suggesting he starts putting more towards things. He has two older DC who are teens and are currently eating us out of house and home. I do all the shopping usually and it's ridiculous the amount they are getting through. I think DH should put some more in the pot to go towards the additional amount of food we are buying every week.

I think this is more than fair as I do tend to spend more on our joint DC for their hobbies, treats, little bits throughout the month from my own money ect.. as I spend the majority of the time with them.

It's annoying me that I seem to have less and less disposable money every month as DSC are getting older and wolfing their way through the cupboards all the time (here 50:50).

Yep definitely - you are subsiding them unless he pays more into the pot.

Yes definitely. So they are spending much more time with you and then you're the one paying for them? That sounds really unfair.

Sorry no I meant I end up spending more throughout the month on our joint DC as I'm with them more than DH (not DSC).

So I think it's fair DH pays more for his kids.

Just use the joint account when you are paying for hobbies etc surely?

I disagree with your reasoning. It should be balancing between his spending on DSC and your spending on DC.

DH should pay more towards DSC’s expenses. In fact, all of DSC’s expenses should be paid by your DH.

DH should pay more towards your shared children. Their costs should be 50/50 between you.

Can you ask your dh to go out and buy extra food for when your dsc are there? Maybe he'll realise how expensive it is then

When I lived with DH we split all bills and his children’s costs 50/50! I wish I had my time again. When we went out for meals I effectively paid for one child and he paid for the other. I’d change many things if I had my time again.

I suggest send hm with a shopping list of extras needed to feed the DSC. He'll soon realise just how much they cost!

Has has to pay 50/50 for his children by his first wife.
He has to pay 50/50 for his children by his second wife.
Neither woman should be subsidising the other woman’s child, unless she agrees to.
Does your DH’s first wife contribute to the cost of your DC?

You are being very reasonable to want your DH to pay for his children’s food and expenses and he should be paying half of yours and his children’s expenses too.

I don’t understand why your DH has never made sure that he is covering the extra food and any other extra costs associated with his dc and your dsc. He really shouldn’t have to be asked.

Absolutely. I was in a similar situation - precious DSC could only eat particular, branded food and his proportion of the shop was costing more than mine and DH’s combined. So I stopped buying his stuff and DH had to.

Why don’t you just pool all your money? The expenses are still the same, it seems odd in a marriage to ‘charge’ each other.

Sounds like the two of you need to sit down together and review and tweak your household budget. Expenses for your shared children should be divided 50/50 between you. Expenses for his children are his (as others have said, if it's 50/50 shared custody with their other parent then he's still only paying half of their total expenses). None of this will end up being exact, every day, but this is a a reasonable baseline.

I wouldn't bring the fact that you're currently paying more of the costs for your shared children as justification for asking him to pay more for the SC; both situations need to be addressed and adjusted. As far as your spending significantly more time with the children; it's hard to say - if you're a SAHP and he's out at work full time that could make sense. But as you said you earn roughly same I'm guessing you're both in full-time work? If he's not spending enough time or doing his share in terms of caring for the children, that's an issue to discuss and resolve too.

Not when that marriage includes significant expenditure on two children that only one party has brought into the marriage and the other party would have no rights to see them again should she and her DH separate.

So you are paying more for your joint children AND paying for his children?

He has it just fine, doesn't he?

Hand over the entire food bill to HIM just to even tjings up.

You are being made a mug out of.

Teens eat more than adults in this house any day.

I have 4 bottom less pits here.

I guess I just don’t understand this mentality. We’ve always shared money/childcare/housework. I don’t live my life with the expectation we might break up. If my husband came to the relationship with children or pets, I would happily share the money we earn together on them. Otherwise, what do you do, save all your own cash and spend it on yourself whilst your partner is using their money to feed/clothe their dependants? Feels a bit miserly to me.

@Brented so you're not a step-parent then?

I think @Paslaptis has given excellent advice and I’d follow that.

Yes he should be paying more, and doing more (of the shopping at least)

The amount teenagers can eat is crazy. Their needs have changed and your DH should be accommodating that financially, emotionally and practically. Whether that’s giving them (more) pocket money to get themselves snacks and shopping, or shopping himself, the onus shouldn’t be on you or at least just on you. Teenagers are growing into adult-sized people with some adult-like expenses, so it’s a change to the household economy that certainly needs discussing and for your DH to be accountable for.

Missing word, should be: “…or at least NOT just on you”.

You are tight OP. This is the set up in our house too except I earn more so end up paying for ALL food for DSCs and pit DC's and actually basically everything for our DC.

Absolutely. You should not be paying a penny to feed his kids unless they are also your kids.

Great that you choose to do that but don't call someone tight just because they don't want to pay for kids they didn't choose to have. Rude and uncalled for.

It's all very well anticipating how you might or might not feel about a situation you have no lived experience of but implying OP's stance is odd or miserly doesn't seem particularly constructive. I'm not saying the expectation is that they'll separate, I was illustrating the point that a step parent has absolutely no rights over the children you think they should be contributing equally towards. Add to that the numerous other sacrifices you'll already be making as a step parent and you might not be so happy sucking up yet more inequality in the relationship.

That doesn't make OP tight, it makes you sound like you're being taken advantage of.

Agreed. It also means if you split with your DH you and your DC are going to have missed out on all the earnings you could have saved for their future.