Thinking DH needs to start paying more than 50% toward household stuff due to DSC

[Hugssss]

Me and DH have always just split things relatively 50:50 as we earn around the same.

We have a joint account that pays bills, household things like food ect.. and then we have our own separate accounts for our own spending.

However, I'm thinking of suggesting he starts putting more towards things. He has two older DC who are teens and are currently eating us out of house and home. I do all the shopping usually and it's ridiculous the amount they are getting through. I think DH should put some more in the pot to go towards the additional amount of food we are buying every week.

I think this is more than fair as I do tend to spend more on our joint DC for their hobbies, treats, little bits throughout the month from my own money ect.. as I spend the majority of the time with them.

It's annoying me that I seem to have less and less disposable money every month as DSC are getting older and wolfing their way through the cupboards all the time (here 50:50).

Op it really depends on how much they are eating tbh and how much money there is floating around

I don't subscribe to the whole your married all one pot ect but then again there isn't a massive pay discrepancy between my money and his (I our earn my DH) so I don't mind doing 50/50 on food ect.

That said I can imagine it would grate if actually money was tight or the food bill was massively high, can you sit down go over budgets in going's and outgoings and see how much money is being spent and what it would be needed to equalise it ?

If you only have 200 per month after bills and DH has say 600 per month after bills (making numbers up here) I would be narked and trying to find a solution that was more fair in balancing this.

How much are we talking if there costing you £50 a week extra he's already paying 1/2 of thats £100 a month extra for you ..
Depends if you see them as your step kids and part or your family or just something that belongs to him .

I think you can love and care for your step children and be a great step parent and still have certain boundaries in place. Finances and expenditure is something that needs very clear boundaries in place.

I don’t think step parents are obligated to pay for their step children, that is the parents responsibility. There are plenty of other parental responsibilities that step parents don’t have for example: they don’t make decisions about how the parents want to raise their children, what school they go to, whether or not they participate in a religion, what age is appropriate to get their ears pierced etc.

Step parents can certainly add their perspective and may be involved in those decisions but ultimately it is up to the parents.

Having reasonable boundaries and mutual respect goes a long way with getting along.

When DSD was little I used to pay half as it was such a small amount that I didn’t want to argue over £5 here and there but now it’s like having an extra adult as she’s a teen and i have said to DH I can’t pay half on everything as it’s too much and it’s not fair which he did initially do a bit of “aren’t we a family unit” type attitude to but I’ve held firm on

I agree with this - because the cost is one thing but the extra planning, shopping, unpacking, cooking etc are tasks he should enjoy, too. 😀

Money and joint resources are such a bone of contentment in blended families and it doesn't need to be.

Since and I'm generalising here massively women earn less than their partners so what might be a little amount to the DH maybe a lot to the sm. if they are eating a lot and teens do and it's a extra £100 a month I would hope my DH would acknowledge this and do his fair share.

If it was reversed and I had the teens I would feel morally bad if I didn't chip in more and leaving my partner short.

Times are hard and gonna get harder.

One shared pot here ... everything in joint name and we know what is in the account and we have similar financial values so neither of us is likely to go out and buy a big expensive purchase that would be over budget; we don't need to 'ask' each other for day to day spending.

I appreciate it's difficult if you are in a blended family but I struggle with the idea that you are willing to share a bed with someone but not a bank account. . I would not be attracted to a 'big spender or tight fisted' man. Shared financial values/goals is essential to me.

Theoretically if I wanted to 'run away' I could drain the savings account .... as could my DH.

I do think he should contribute more, but I would have a think about the way you word it. "Wolfing through the cupboards" sounds resentful and as if you find them greedy, when the reality is that they just will eat much more than your own much younger children, and are at an age where it is reasonable for them to serve themselves food when they are hungry.

Yes - OP is missing out on two counts here - 1) subsiding DSC to her own detriment and 2) paying for her own DC’s costs by herself.

Her DH is doing pretty well out of this set up.

Ugh. Zombie thread. Apologies.

I would ask your DH to pop into the supermarket for extras for them on the way from picking them up, so as to be sure to get stuff they like.
I do this for the Christmas stuff I won't eat and wouldn't dream of wasting money on, has become a regular ritual

DH knows he is ripping you off - he probably want to carry on ripping you off. Have some strong words with him.

Seems a bit petty to be honest all the tit for tat expenses, we have a very relaxed shared financial situation though. It all just goes into one pot and stuff gets paid.

Eh? It's a common phrase! Teenagers do wolf down a lot of food some of em.

And that's great if that works for you. I have DSC and a shared DC with my DH. I work to save for my DC, I'm not using it to subsidise DSC. I already pay a higher mortgage due to the extra room, and contribute more to food etc. If DH insisted we paid 50/50 I'd be furious.

My H tries to get away with similar. Except he earns far more than I do on top.

I think he applies cake and eating it man in a stepfamily logic to all things financial. He tried to get me to split household expenses based on what he had left after paying maintenance, for example. Which meant that I - with my fat lower salary - would be subsidising his child maintenance. It’s not a shared household expense. In fact, I would be using the child maintenance I receive for my DS to subsidise the maintenance he pays.

I was having none of it. I don’t care that the SC cost him just shy of £1k a month just in maintenance. It’s not my job to compensate him for that - if he’s not as well off as he thinks he should be on his salary, that’ll be because he has made choices that come with large financial responsibilities. His cross to bear.

A zombie thread warning should really flash up before you type a message based on the date the thread was first posted, not just the last time it was posted on.

Because who checks the dates as they read a thread?

This is a great idea and I’m going to report your post to pass it on to MNHQ.!

Super idea👏👏👏