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Step-parenting

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Original poster

6 year old SD waking up every 2 hrs

40 replies

ohdearohdearwhatsnext101 · 31/12/2020 00:04

Hi all,

My step daughter (6) wakes up every single night she stays with us (holidays and every other weekend).

She goes to bed at about 8pm then wakes up at around 11pm then about every hour and a half until 6am. Sometime over 5-10 times a night 😫.

When she wakes up she says she's scared and she wants daddy to tuck her in. Sometimes she's not even really awake, she's half sleepwalking!

When she's with mum she wakes up & gets in bed with mum.
We can't change this as mum doesn't care as it doesn't bother her.

Is it habit? Attention?

Anyone got any tricks or advice of what we can do? 🙏🏻

OP posts:
EstellaHanclay · 31/12/2020 00:16

Can she get in bed with you? If her mum won't change that then that's what she's used to. Work with it, she'll soon grow out of it.

Original poster
ohdearohdearwhatsnext101 · 31/12/2020 00:29

@EstellaHanclay I can't sleep if she's in our bed, it's just too small 😭

OP posts:
YouBoughtMeAWall · 31/12/2020 00:33

@EstellaHanclay

Can she get in bed with you? If her mum won't change that then that's what she's used to. Work with it, she'll soon grow out of it.
I wouldn’t be so sure! My 11 year old still comes in with me! Hmm

OP how does your DP feel about it? Could you agree that he deals with it every time and just returns her to her bed each time with no fussing?

Original poster
ohdearohdearwhatsnext101 · 31/12/2020 00:37

@YouBoughtMeAWall trouble is I just can't sleep if she's in bed with us😣 trust me I've tried!

OH and I are just exhausted as she sometimes doesn't settle and we don't get to sleep until 2-3am when she stays.

Just looking for potential solutions/opinions that's all 😊

OP posts:
YouBoughtMeAWall · 31/12/2020 00:39

Oh I wasn’t suggesting she come in with you, I was quoting a PPs post. I don’t think she should come in with you. I think your DP needs to return her to her bed every time and maybe he should get into her bed with her and settle her.

solittletime · 31/12/2020 00:40

Put a mattress (or her mattress) in your bedroom next to your bed. After years of sleep problems this is what enabled us all to get a decent night sleep,

Original poster
ohdearohdearwhatsnext101 · 31/12/2020 00:43

@YouBoughtMeAWall ah I see now- sorry!

Yes he does do that currently but it's exhausting for both of us as we don't usually get to sleep properly until 2 or 3am, then she's up at 6! 😫

OP posts:
Dcadmam001 · 31/12/2020 01:58

Try a sofa bed /mattress on floor in your room. Tell her the deal is she goes to sleep in her room then if she wakes up she can get up and come sleep on the mattress in your room. It worked for us - at least you get some sleep

Witchymclovely · 31/12/2020 06:12

Ignore it, just make sure you have a stair gate in place. If she calls out go to her once and settle her. Do not stay! Do not get into bed with her! If she comes into your room just take her hand and silently lead her back to her room and keep doing it. This will be difficult to break as mum parents differently. We had the same problem but she needs to self soothe, it’s important she’s 6. I’m assuming everything else is ok? No learning challenges? If so it’s just a phase, good luck.

Decadentdolphin · 31/12/2020 06:13

When she's with you I'd go to bed when she does - so at least you bank a bit of sleep before the night time shenanigans start. Also could your DH get a mattress on the floor in her room? If she's a wakeful child it's sometimes just finding a way to survive the night. Also make sure she's not having a lot of sugar through the day (especially afternoon and evening) - that can really mess with their sleep. Also try and physically tire her out with a walk or run around the park.

Witchymclovely · 31/12/2020 06:16

Do not sleep on a mattress on her floor! But the no sugar and exercise is a very good suggestion.

RedMarauder · 31/12/2020 06:20

OP is she really sleepwalking?

If so she is probably anxious so when she wakes either your DP needs to sleep on her bedroom floor OR she needs to sleep on a mattress on your floor.

Her mum likely allows her to co-sleep so her mum gets some sleep.

Donotgogentle · 31/12/2020 06:23

DS went through a stage of this, he was anxious.

You can’t bully (or indeed stairgate) a child out of anxiety.

We put a mattress next to his bed anc lay next to him when necessary, that way we all got enough sleep. My view is you need to help with the emotions causing her to wake up so much. She’s a 6 year old child with divorced and remarried parents, there’s a lot going on for her.

lyinginthegutterstaringatstars · 31/12/2020 06:53

Just tell her to go back to bed and then to stay in bed. If absolutely desperate give her an iPad or equivalent to use. She should be able to deal with two different sets of different household rules at age 6 ( mums house rules and dads house rules)

Witchymclovely · 31/12/2020 07:14

@Donotgogentle the stair gate is for the stairs! STAIR GATE! If you sleep in their room or let her into your room you are sending mixed messages and that’s unfair. You can be firm and fair.

Donotgogentle · 31/12/2020 07:20

Just don’t agree with your approach Witchy.

Witchymclovely · 31/12/2020 07:35

@Donotgogentle that’s fine but you understand the stair gate is to stop her falling down stairs (sleepwalking) rather than lock her in room?!? I think your approach is very kind but if you succeeded you got lucky babe Wink

Donotgogentle · 31/12/2020 07:36

Yes, thanks for clarifying re the stairgate!

EstellaHanclay · 31/12/2020 11:12

I hear you OP, honestly I do. I get kicked in my ribs nightly by the youngest and can never get a full night's sleep.

The problem in my experience though is inconsistencies in her routine. There's no point trying to get her to sleep in her own bed all night if at her main home she has a different setup.

So given what you've said, I would pick out of these options personally:

  1. When she wakes she gets in your bed and one of you sleeps in hers/ the sofa.

  2. A mattress or put up bed in your room for her.

  3. buy a huge bed that fits you all comfortably.

Even the most die Hardy cosleepers grow out of it. Flowers

lcdododo · 31/12/2020 11:18

@EstellaHanclay

I hear you OP, honestly I do. I get kicked in my ribs nightly by the youngest and can never get a full night's sleep.

The problem in my experience though is inconsistencies in her routine. There's no point trying to get her to sleep in her own bed all night if at her main home she has a different setup.

So given what you've said, I would pick out of these options personally:

  1. When she wakes she gets in your bed and one of you sleeps in hers/ the sofa.

  2. A mattress or put up bed in your room for her.

  3. buy a huge bed that fits you all comfortably.

Even the most die Hardy cosleepers grow out of it. Flowers

This. You can't change what she is used to
aSofaNearYou · 31/12/2020 11:25

Do you have a spare room? Honestly I would ask your partner to sleep elsewhere during her visits and have him deal with it entirely.

yankeedoodledandee · 31/12/2020 11:28

She should be able to deal with two different sets of different household rules at age 6 ( mums house rules and dads house rules)

This isn't about rules, it's about insecurity and anxiety. Children don't wake multiple times in the night because they are not following rules.

Grobagsforever · 31/12/2020 11:46

My six year old went through a phase of this. We made her a 'nest bed' on the floor of our room. After a few months she grew out of it.

Boomclaps · 31/12/2020 11:48

@Donotgogentle

DS went through a stage of this, he was anxious.

You can’t bully (or indeed stairgate) a child out of anxiety.

We put a mattress next to his bed anc lay next to him when necessary, that way we all got enough sleep. My view is you need to help with the emotions causing her to wake up so much. She’s a 6 year old child with divorced and remarried parents, there’s a lot going on for her.

This!!! If she’s not used to being on her own she probably is scared and her dad needs to meet her needs. End of
Youseethethingis · 31/12/2020 12:29

9 year old DSD still doesn’t sleep through, zero self settling skills whatsoever.
DH has tried all sorts over the years but her mum doesn’t think this is a problem so he’s pretty much given up now. It’s definitely the sort of thing that requires a bit of co operation between the parents to have a hope of helping the child.
My worry is that we are now heading to a position where she might not want to come anymore for overnights if they can’t both fit in a single bed anymore (she’s very tall for her age, wears age 12 clothes) or puberty makes it too embarrassing to be unable to sleep without your dad.
Waiting for the magical day where she just grows out of it, but I suspect it’s still a long way off and it’s actually therapy she needs to get to the bottom of why she gets so upset Sad

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