Can I use this space to be honest for a moment? Feelings are changing recently and not for the better.

[InAPickle17]

Quick background. 2 DSC, recently had a child of my own.

I have always had a very pleasant relationship with my step children. I still do in many ways.

But I need to just open up a bit, I'll expect some flaming, but I'm hoping posters can see that I am genuinely struggling and don't want to feel this way.

Recently my feelings about this whole set up are beginning to change. I don't know if this is my new normal or whether it's partly hormonal from becoming a mother myself.

But I'm finding myself wishing more and more that my husband didn't already have children. I find myself getting sad at the thought that my child's life will now also be dictated by exes and step children and everything that comes with a blended family. I find myself worrying that I will constantly need to defend my child's right to X or Y. And to be perfectly honest I just undoubtedly prefer the times when it's just me, DH and our DC here. I wish it could be like this all of the time.

Now I know it's me. I know it's wrong, really I do. I am saddened at myself for feeling this way and I don't know where it's come from. I knew all this before, I was happy. I don't want to feel resentful. But I do find myself being secretly disappointed when DSC are due to come round, looking forward to them going back to mum's etc...

I could be wrong, and I hope to god I am not, but I don't think the children are aware of this change in my feelings. We still have a good relationship, they still come to me with things and talk to me like they always have. I really do like to believe they feel welcome here and that practically I am a good step mum to them.

These thoughts are selfish, I understand. But what do I do? Genuinely if I'd have felt like this before I would have removed myself. I wouldn't have added to the family, I would have found someone able to give me what it is I now wish I had, a husband who doesn't share children with someone else as well. But its of course too late for that now.

There are a few issues which I think contribute to this. The main one being that the contact is so sporadic. It changes week to week, I feel dizzy at how often it changes. I feel like my life is just a constant are they coming are they not, never knowing from one day to the next. I just got on with it before but now it bugs me.

I also feel like my husband, not overcompensates but perhaps tries to treat my DSC 'best' when they are here if that makes sense? One thing that's been getting to me is bedrooms. He made sure my DSC had the best bedroom, kitted it all out, looks fab. But he doesn't seem to be bothered at all about our child's room or where that will even be (when he's ready for a room, we will have to jig some stuff around). I don't for a second want to take anyone's room away or expect my DSC to have less. But I feel like my DC is not going to have 'as much' if that makes sense? I want to discuss where his space will be in our house when he eventually needs it but it's just constantly batted off as not important or suggested he can just stay in our room for X number of years. I just want him to want the same for DSC and our DC if that makes sense? I want him to want to make a nice space for our DC like he wanted to do for DSC.

I'm rambling I know but I feel like I can't be honest with anyone. How do I stop going down this rabbit hole? Can I even? Why have these feelings suddenly manifested when they weren't there before?

I just don't know what to do.

Good news OP!

1. Your son will love his older siblings
2. In 3 yrs (or less!) the older boys will want to be out with their mates all the time so you'll be a nuclear family a lot.
3. Your DC will need their own room. Fact. It's just logic, they are there 100% of the time.
4. Let your DP compensate by taking the 3 kids out and spending QT with them.

Give yourself space as your hormones will be all over the place.

All the kids sound like they have good support in place. You sound lovely. Congrats on your baby x x

Hi,
I just read your post and my heart goes out to you. Having a baby is (obviously) intense emotionally. Can I suggest that as far as children’s rooms go, you try not to worry about that just now. Wait if you can until you feel more grounded (I remember that lovely, bewildering new mum bubble).
I don’t know if you had step parents growing up? I did, some brilliant and a few really hard work. You sound lovely and it’s great that your step children have a positive relationship with you. My son has 2 younger half siblings (his Dads) and they all absolutely adore each other and like me with my younger half brother- they’re all just brothers- no half. I’m sure all the children in your family will be the same. Would it be possible to approach children’s sleeping arrangements in a way that includes your step children? Children often have a very clear sense of what’s fair and given that any room given to your baby will be it’s only bedroom and you SC have another bedroom at their mums I’d be surprised if they aren’t on board. Also, it will make them feel respected if they’re included in the plans. Good luck. Blended families can be challenging sometimes, but all families can, but they can also be hugely rewarding and wonderful. Your baby is lucky to be born into yours x

@AgingDiscoQueen What a lovely post to OP, just had to be said.