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Original poster

GET UP!!!!

28 replies

Jaxtellerswife · 18/10/2018 08:19

I have two toddlers and a baby on the way. We also have 13 year old SS 50% of the time. His dad works so I am the one ensuring he gets up for school. Except he won't. His alarm goes for over an hour and I am calling him every five minutes. He's a few minutes late almost every day and the situation is driving me nuts.
The step part of the story is almost not relevant except if (when) my kids are pulling this I will be much more 'assertive' getting them up.
Any tips? I feel responsible for a situation I can't control very well. And yes the school aren't happy either

OP posts:
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Aprilislonggone · 18/10/2018 08:22

If he is on his phone then WiFi off!!
Maybe a cuppa ready as an incentive?

willgiveitago · 18/10/2018 08:24

Could your husband support you by saying if he’s not at school on time every day he gets a privilege removed - like his phone or WiFi access? Then it’s not just you being the bad guy

LemonBreeland · 18/10/2018 08:27

I would tell him to get up once or twice then leave him to it. He is old enough to get himself up and to school. If he is late every day why aren't school doing something about it?

I also agree he needs consequences for being late to school.

colditz · 18/10/2018 08:27

His dad needs to be at home to manage this, otherwise what's the point of him spending 50% of his time at your house?

DDogMum · 18/10/2018 08:35

The best thing my mum used to do to get me up, was after a little knock, come in, loudly say good morning, open curtains wide (maybe crack a window slightly too), tv on, with a cup of tea.
Send the toddlers in!? Do you have a dog or cat who could leap on the bed?

Original poster
Jaxtellerswife · 18/10/2018 08:52

Well his dad starts work at 6am so that's not happening. He's here before SS Is home from school though.
School are trying, but they can't come round and drag him out.
He's not on his phone he is just being lazy.
I did have a go at the nicey nicey approach a while ago, drink and breakfast ready etc but he wasn't remotely impressed.
I can't leave him to it as I have to be out of the house at a similar time plus have two little ones ready.
Also currently in a high risk pregnancy which doesn't physically affect the problem but doesn't help with this stress.
He's been told about constant lateness, we've had meetings with the school (behaviours not great) and are working with them but he simply doesn't care.
He's a nice kid but 'teenage' stage has struck big time and changed him a lot.

OP posts:
DDogMum · 18/10/2018 08:52

Also, tell him he needs to be in bed half an hour earlier with WiFi off.
"Until you can spring out of bed in the mornings, you're showing me you need more sleep" - perhaps Dad could say that bit though x

Original poster
Jaxtellerswife · 18/10/2018 08:52

Haha yes I do have a dog and maybe the toddlers could sort him out Grin

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 18/10/2018 08:54

Can you change the time on his block trick him in to getting up?

MrsBertBibby · 18/10/2018 08:56

Does he do this at his mum's?

Ledkr · 18/10/2018 08:58

Does he do this for him mum?

All mine have done this and it's a total ball ache 😖 I agree maybe just let school deal with it and call him a few times then let him be late and in trouble

Original poster
Jaxtellerswife · 18/10/2018 09:05

His mum isn't there in the mornings so she's constantly phoning him to try and get him up.
The schools way of dealing with it is to lower his attendance mark and then threaten with a fine.
I know how I'd love to handle it but I'm not his mum and don't want to be the evil stepmother. Plus I really think his actual parents should be a bit more proactive about it somehow.
Left to me there would be no phone, no Xbox no nothing like that in the evening until an improvement but I can't just lay down the law. However I'm the only one physically here to try and deal with it grr.
His mum and dad both need their jobs though and can't change their hours

OP posts:
NWQM · 18/10/2018 09:32

Your plan sounds spot on. Does his Mum & Dad disagree? If so, why? As you say it needs to be everyone on board with the plan.

colditz · 18/10/2018 09:34

Hold on, so you are left in charge of a 13 year old but have no actual authority?

Sounds like you taking a hard line would be beneficial to him. Inform your husband that unless he follows your suggestions re sanctioning and earlier evening bedtime with no screens, you're going to invest as much effort into getting him to school on time as his parents do, ie very little.

WoodenCat · 18/10/2018 09:35

Make his Dad get him up - I know it’s early but if he won’t get up for you, the consequence is that he’s out of bed at 5am or whatever. Up, washed, dressed and with breakfast on the sofa by the time his dad leaves for work.

sar302 · 18/10/2018 10:19

Was coming on to say the same as @WoodenCat !

If he won't get up at your time, his dad gets him up at 5am. Every day he works. Until he can be trusted. Suddenly 7am with a cuppa won't seem so bad 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Jaxtellerswife · 18/10/2018 10:45

Yes that's true we could try that.
I've spoken to his dad just now on the phone and said I'm reaching the point of refusing to do any of it.
Thanks for the input all, I feel much calmer after a rant Grin

OP posts:
ondablobo · 18/10/2018 10:52

I think there needs to be an intervention! All three of you need to sit him down and explain that this is not going to continue.

His parents need to make it very clear that you have absolute authority on this when they are not around and if you want to be hardline then go for it! However they need to do exactly the same with him too.

NWQM · 18/10/2018 15:26

@ondablobo when I first glanced at your post I smiled as I imaged Mumsnet's Mob wading in & then thought all we'd need is my 6 year old when she's woken up bouncy.

Read it properly though and..... hear, hear!

Ilovetolurk · 18/10/2018 21:59

What time is he going to bed and getting up OP?

Firefliess · 18/10/2018 23:59

I think you need to be a bit braver about being the person in change of him. His dad's at work. You're in change, just do exactly as you'd do if he was your own child. He is, really -he's in your care. And whilst his actual parents aren't being much help it doesn't sound as if either of them would mind or undermine you if you try to tackle the issue.

So....

  • Sanctions for being late (phone removed for an hour fine pocket money, etc)
  • Get a timer on the WiFi so he can't be online at night
  • Praise and nice breakfast if he does get up
Or - last resort -
  • steal the douvet off him and put it in another room

I spent too long tiptoeing round my DSC and had a happier, less frustrating relationship when I did bite the bullet and parent them a bit more. Try to have some nice times with him too though, you need balance

Original poster
Jaxtellerswife · 19/10/2018 07:01

Ok, I'm a bit David Attenborough this morning, quietly lurking to see if his chat with his dad worked last night Grin
Fingers crossed.

OP posts:
Wonthe · 19/10/2018 07:04

It would now be the toddlers job to get him up every morning if that was my house.

Good luck today hope it worked.

Longtalljosie · 19/10/2018 07:16

Is he up? If not, turn the light on and take the duvet.

NorthernSpirit · 19/10/2018 11:03

TBH..... i’d stop pandering to him and make him learn to take some personal responsibility the hard way.

If he can’t be arsed getting out of bed, let him be late for school and suffer the consequences. He’s 13, not a small child.

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