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Original poster

Access at Christmas and new years

50 replies

Louw12345 · 23/10/2017 20:51

What arragements do you have around Christmas and new years

With your family and step children?

Do you have alternative Christmas day and new years eves?

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AnneLovesGilbert · 23/10/2017 21:55

We have Christmas, ex has new year. Her choice.

turkeystuffing · 23/10/2017 21:59

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3067578-Christmas-WWYD-who-is-BU

Welcome to my world.

Original poster
Louw12345 · 23/10/2017 22:19

turkeystuffing sorry but that was way to complicated for Me haha

OP posts:
Original poster
Louw12345 · 23/10/2017 22:22

I have always had Christmas day and new years ex has boxing day. This due to his minimum efforts at Christmas when we was together (ie out Christmas eve night and didn't wake up when kids got up)

New years eve he's never wanted them so I gave up asking.

However I think it's only right that we do alternative new years eve. But then should we have alternative Christmas days to?

OP posts:
sweetbitter · 24/10/2017 09:24

Last year we all had Xmas day together....as in me/DP/both sets of our parents, ex/her DH/both sets of their parents plus all the children and some other random family members. It was so nice we are doing it again this year. But obviously we are quite an unusual blended family in that we all get on so well.

Prior to last year, DSS would be with us until Xmas day morning or Xmas Eve night and then go to his mum's. We'd do Xmas on the 24th. There have also been two years when we wanted to go away to see family, and DSS came with us , we dropped him back at his mum's around the 27th. We are lucky that everyone is flexible here.

LegallyBrunet · 24/10/2017 12:05

My parents are separated and we've always spent Christmas Eve with my mum and then either spent the night at my mum's and gone to my dad's at about 10am on Christmas Day or gone to my dad's after Christmas Eve mass and gone to my mum's at 10am on Christmas Day and stayed the night. This alternates every year. We always spend Boxing Day with my mum as it's also my stepdad's birthday.

SarahH12 · 24/10/2017 13:58

We're never allowed to see DSD on Christmas day. We see her Christmas eve and drop off by 4 pm at the latest (apparently so she can wind down ready for bed as she's naturally super excited). Then we see her again boxing day from about 9 am until 6 pm.

New year's day/ eve. It really depends on what day it falls. If it falls on a day we normally see her then we see her, if not she's with her Mum. We don't tend to make a big deal about new year though and neither does her mum so the arrangements work.

Biglettuce · 24/10/2017 14:02

Yes alternate christmases.

Nightmare. Am actually going to leave. Thank god!

Trafficjammadness · 24/10/2017 17:48

We have the week before Christmas ex has them back Xmas eve, then they come down to us usually the day after boxing day and stay till news years eve.

We've asked to have Christmas day for years but told no

Trafficjammadness · 24/10/2017 17:48

Stay till news years day that should say

NorthernSpirit · 24/10/2017 18:07

My OH has a court ordered contact order (a route he was forced to go down as EW continually used the children as weapons and kept refusing or changing contact).

As per standard practice - judges award alternative Christmas Day and New Years Eve.

Justoneme · 24/10/2017 20:16

Christmas Eve through to 13.00hrs Christmas Day or
13.00hrs Christmas Day till 13.00hrs Boxing Day.

Alternative New Years.

Of course extra days before and after Christmas holidays

howtodowills · 24/10/2017 21:01

biglettuce... you're leaving DP? Or leaving the house over Xmas?!

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 24/10/2017 21:07

We used to have both - DH's exW didn't have contact (court order but she didn't want contact either). When DSS2 was about 15, he asked to go to his mum's on Boxing Day for the first time, and after that he did Xmas Day with one parent then Boxing Day with the other parent. He always wanted to spend NYE with us and his little brother though as we go to my parents' for a party every year.

We go to my parents' on Xmas Day too and he would come with us, and on years where he was with his mum she would drive him round to see us on Xmas Day to see DS open his presents, at my parents' house, before going back to his mums.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 24/10/2017 21:14

We've always done it the same. For Christmas. DSS is at his mums Christmas eve and day then comes to ours boxing day for the full day. He then stays the day after boxing day too unless his mums family has plans. The past three years he's decided what to do new years eve and had it with us age 11, his mum age 12 and us age 13. He will be 14 (obviously) this year so old enough to decide himself and we and his mum are happy with what he decides.

We're all pretty chilled with it though and its relaxed. We just keep with the Christmas day and boxing day thing now so we can all make set plans for those days

Original poster
Louw12345 · 26/10/2017 01:07

My ex has had boxing day (this only happened last year for the first time xoz he just hasn't been that interested) and iv asked for alternative new years eve over night so this year would be his. However I have had no definite answer.

I have never thought about him having the kids Christmas day due to the past the last 4 years of our relationship he would always go out christmas eve and sleep most of the day Christmas day. So I never thought he would make it special for them.

Is it hard not having Christmas day with them? I'm just preparing myself just incase it's something my ex asks for in the future.

OP posts:
NorthernSpirit · 26/10/2017 19:37

It’s no harder for you not to have Christmas Day with the kids than it is for a father who loves them and wants to spend the day with them. The father has as much right as you (if he wants to exercise it).

A court wound order alternative Christmas and NYE.

SarahH12 · 27/10/2017 18:30

I agree with Northern. Seeing it from the Dad's perspective, it really is rubbish him never being allowed to see his DD on Christmas Day. Even if it was alternative that would make things a lot more bearable.

Myview2 · 27/10/2017 18:59

We have the exact same arrangements every year, SD has Christmas Day with her Mum and Boxing Day with us where we basically have Christmas Day all over again but without the dinner! It works really well, I think it's nice to have festive traditions and those don't change for SD as the pattern is the same. We also have SD every New Year's Eve.

Original poster
Louw12345 · 27/10/2017 19:27

My ex has never stuck to an arrangement so I have been very reluctant to offer to change anything.

The year b4 last he didn't see them at all. And in my previous post was never awake when they was opening their presents and it's the only day they sleep in!

I can understand how people are saying it would be just as hard for the dad, I honstly can't see that with my ex (well couldn't see that). He is now with someone and she seems brilliant for him. We have had our ups and downs but if it wasn't for her I really don't think he would of ever really put the effort in with the kids.

My family and I always plan the next Christmas at that Christmas. So this year we are all at mine.
Although I would love for him to want them at Christmas (and I would never say no) I'm just wondering how I will cope with it. Or how they will cope with it.

I have spoken with my eldest and she said that will be fine if he ever asks but not this year maybe next year when their child is born. But not every year.

So it's nice to know she would like to aswell

OP posts:
swingofthings · 28/10/2017 01:16

Couldn't consider Christmas without my kids. Until ex got with his partner we made an effort for the day and spent together with his family but she put a stop to that so it became one has them Xmas eve and Xmas day until after 12pm and the other from noon (so for Xmas dinner) until end of boxing day. They are now teenagers and I've lost track of who they do dinner with for a few years and it doesn't matter so much any longer.

SarahH12 · 28/10/2017 09:28

swing surely you can understand why she put a stop to that? You have to admit that in a healthy relationship it would be incredibly odd and difficult to see your DP spending the day with his ex and not you. Sure it must have been nice for the DC seeing you both on Christmas Day but new relationships inevitably change the setups

howtodowills · 29/10/2017 07:03

swing - how do you know she put a stop to it? Maybe your Ex decided he wanted to spend Xmas with his DP, not his ex....

snowtippedmountain · 29/10/2017 11:55

Christmas Day we alternate, one year I get Christmas Eve and Christmas morning then the next year I get Christmas lunch/night.

We pass ds over late morning on Christmas Day but we do get on so will have a festive drink together and exchange gifts... This works well for us.

In theory we alternate new year but in practise I've done the last 3 as I don't like NYE parties!!

marvellouscreations · 31/10/2017 14:40

My DH has a court order for contact, and Xmas is
10am-630pm Xmas Eve with Mum this year
630pm Xmas Eve - 630pm Xmas Day with Dad this year

alternates each year so DSC get to see their parents at Christmas regardless. DH has just suggested to his ex that they start alternating New Year too ( DH hasn't had the kids at New Year in 5 years!) so it would be a case of whoever has the kids for Xmas Eve overnight, the other parent would have them for NYE so the kids get either Xmas or NYE with both parents every year. She never bloody answered about it but we'll see what happens next year!