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Original poster

If left for an OW, is your ExLTPs/ExH still with them?

34 replies

DontMindTheStep · 22/05/2017 00:37

My exh has a wife and young baby. His wife is not happy with teen step children. His marriage looks rocky and he says "things are bad".

My DH's ex left him for someone at work. She seems happy.

I do think both are determined to stay with OW and OM. They re married later than we did (my hubby and me) largely because they broke up with the OW/OM and then got back together.

My DC would be (naively) 'happy' if their Dad's marriage fails because they hate the arguments, but they get very distressed at the thought of not seeing much of the baby. He talks this through with them - and I don't because I have little inside info!

Have your ex's marriages/relationships lasted with OW or yours with OM?

OP posts:
peppatax · 22/05/2017 00:48

I asked DP this today actually whether he thought it was better in an OM/OW situation for the affair relationship to work out or not.

I left XH after a short EA (like weeks) with now DP. We've been on/off at times (mainly due to stress of the fall out for me) but love each other and are very much suited. I wish we'd met under different circumstances but he makes me happy and I want to be with him.

needsahalo · 22/05/2017 07:20

My ex's relationship with the OW played itself out within 2 1/2 years. It might have lasted had she accepted he came with children. He walked away from them for about 18 months but finally saw the light and dumped her.

MirandaWest · 22/05/2017 07:25

My XH has been with the OW since before we split up 6 years ago and been married to her for nearly 2 years. Don't see any reason for them splitting up and I'd rather they stayed together really.

AliceTown · 22/05/2017 07:29

Still together and like Miranda, I'd rather they stayed together now.

Tearsoffrustration · 22/05/2017 07:35

Not together but she is pregnant by him - he has another GF - this is the 3rd one DC has been introduced to in 3 years Hmm

AltogetherAndrews · 22/05/2017 08:50

I'm not proud of how my relationship with DH started, it's a thing I did as a thoughtless younger woman, and would never do now, but we are still together and happy 21 years later

mrssapphirebright · 22/05/2017 09:50

I was the OW and my dh was the OM. We left our ex spouses for each other. We have been together 6 years , married 5.

Original poster
DontMindTheStep · 22/05/2017 10:12

Mix of outcomes then.
I'd rather ex stays with OW. I am happily remarried and can see I have a better match 2nd time round. Though my first husband was full of potential. His ego grew too fast with promotions at work, I think, and he was ruined.

I am curious about his "bad" relationship with his wife and how he has been a fairly absent dad to the baby - like he was with me. I am also interested, but hear nothing of, my DH's ExW marriage to her co-worker 'soul mate'. Bit of a slap in the face for my DH, that was.

I assumed they would stay married but wonder if the OW / OM situation makes the odds harder?

OP posts:
JuicyStrawberry · 22/05/2017 10:13

Miranda and Alice, can I just ask. Why would you rather them stay together?

Original poster
DontMindTheStep · 22/05/2017 10:15

Mrssaphire - did you fall deeply in love? Was it compatibility that has kept you bonded even though you had it harder, and had to leave previous relationships?

OP posts:
mrssapphirebright · 22/05/2017 10:31

DontMindTheStep - yes I fell madly in love, and yes, my dh is much more compatible that my exh.
My marriage to my exh had run its course, we both knew that and neither of us were happy and both had given it all we had. I think we were just riding it out for the sake of our dc. I guess you could call the relationship i had with OM/dh an 'exit affair', in that meeting him was a catalyst to me leaving. Me and OM/dh had known each other for a long time before we left our marriages though, so we were both sure of how we felt (if that makes any difference).

I guess it all depends on the individuals involved as to what makes a second marriage last, especially one that derives from an affair / heartbreak.

i know my dh and I have come across a lot more challenges in our marriage then my exh and i did - mainly due to the complications of a second marriage and how we got together so to speak. Its definately been make or break.

mrssapphirebright · 22/05/2017 10:32

i have read a lot about re-marriage etc and evidence seems to suggest that one has to heal from their first marriage / relationship in order to have a successful and happy second marriage. Made sense to me. Its all about baggage - emotional and logistical.

mrssapphirebright · 22/05/2017 10:34

For the record i know my exh would prefer that my marriage to dh lasted and was happy as he cares about the stability of his / our dc.

Original poster
DontMindTheStep · 22/05/2017 10:35

And yes I can see it makes a difference to be an exit affair and for a couple to know each other a long time.

OP posts:
AliceTown · 22/05/2017 10:45

They've been together a long time now. The wounds (and my ego) have healed. Them separating won't make me feel any better now (I waited years for "karma" to get them) and it would be disruptive for my children and their children together.

Original poster
DontMindTheStep · 22/05/2017 11:13

My ex had several affairs.
is remarriage less successful second time round because of affairs?

OP posts:
Original poster
DontMindTheStep · 22/05/2017 11:14

Obviously not in Alice's case.

OP posts:
Smidge001 · 22/05/2017 12:15

I think it depends on whether the affairs were a result of being in an unhappy relationship and the second marriage is to 'the one' vs whether the affairs are just a simple indicator of an arsehole.

Fink · 22/05/2017 12:23

No. They were together about 2-3 years and then he went almost directly on to the next one. I wish he'd settle down with someone or stay single as I hate dd being put in this situation. She still misses his ex (the OW), having built up a relationship with her. She was under 2 when he left me, about 5 when he moved on to the next gf. I can't see the current one (about 2 years now) being a 'forever' relationship for a variety of reasons. He was with me for 8 years, including 4 years of marriage. The gf before me was 7 years. I just want some stability for dd.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 22/05/2017 12:26

DH's exW stayed with the OM she left him and the children for. They married and only recently separated when he told her he was gay. They were together for nearly 25 years.

GaelicSiog · 22/05/2017 12:47

I'm convinced ex's wife is OW and OW's son is his, although they insist otherwise. Ex and I split for good about 2 months before DD was born, he moved in with OW a couple of weeks after DD was born, OW kicked out her ex for Ex moving in and her son is a few months older than DD. They're still together. I can't prove it, but it would make a lot of sense.

MirandaWest · 22/05/2017 13:28

I can't see what would be gained from them splitting up. I'm happily married now to someone I am better suited to, and he and his DW are better suited than he and I were.

Original poster
DontMindTheStep · 22/05/2017 13:42

Fink it sounds like he gets a version of the 7 year itch.

And Gaelic that is an incredible story! It is imperative that your DD knows if she has a sibling, surely? Can you not ask??

AndNone Gay - and so late on in the relationship! To be honest I think it's easier than just losing a spouse to a heterosexual affair.
Did you feel sorry for her?

I feel a bit of a heart tug that things are bad for my ex. I must be crazy!

OP posts:
Orlandointhewilderness · 22/05/2017 13:46

Yes. They got married on the 10 year anniversary of us splitting up.

GaelicSiog · 22/05/2017 13:52

Oh, I've asked, dontmind! Ex swears blind I'm wrong. Although when DD was born he swore blind she wasn't his daughter, then when she was 2 he decided actually she was his daughter and pushed for access. Now he swears blind he never said DD wasn't his and I kept my pregnancy from him and then denied him access. So him saying his stepson isn't his means nothing. They are certainly close, but then Ex has been the resident man for this child since he was a baby. Stepson is child number 3 for OW, she gets maintenance from her ex for child 2 and child 3, so I can see her wanting to keep it quiet to keep the payments if nothing else. She's like that. Hmm

They now have twins and a new baby on the way, so either way DD has half siblings. But I really would not be surprised if she has 4, not 3.