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Original poster

Mother's Day

30 replies

TickingTimeBomb2017 · 25/03/2017 12:10

What are your plans?

I'm particularly interested if you are a stepmum and you also have bio kids of your own from a previous relationship.

Essentially, I've been left to get on with it - by both my ex and DP (who has insisted he's having his daughter on mother's day... whole different thread).

I'm pregnant in the second trimester. Hormonal. Feeling deeply unloved.

It's going to be a bit shit really.

OP posts:
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Silverdream · 25/03/2017 12:18

I take it your partner isn't great on other people's feelings and quite selfish.
I can see why you're feeling down.
I'm cooking Sunday roast in the evening for kids and other half. I'm actually happy to do it as they're old teen and early twenties and this way I get us all together.
When they were young H helped them with a card and a bunch of tulips or something. We never go over the top.
Can you talk to him or is it not worth it.

Original poster
TickingTimeBomb2017 · 25/03/2017 12:43

I've wrote a long email for what it's worth :( He's taken his daughter out for the day and is avoiding me because he knows I'm upset.

OP posts:
chickenjalfrezi · 25/03/2017 12:57

This might not make you feel better OP and outing!

I'm a step mum, mum and expecting baby with DP. XH has DD tonight and supposed to have her tomorrow but we're picking her up early and having a day all together and DP will take us for lunch.

My step child doesn't have a mother here anymore so they make me a card and DP has bought a present for them to give (if they want to - if not he will give it to me from 'bump'). I know my mum has taken DD shopping to buy a little something for me but XH is pretty good and will probably have sorted something too, in addition to giving up his day with her.

So all in all, I am very lucky but I think it's more that XH, DP and DM are all very thoughtful and it's reciprocal - I make sure the kids all have sorted something for Fathers Day. It's not about what they 'buy' or whatever, it's about giving them the opportunity to treat mum/dad.

BlueBlueSkies · 25/03/2017 16:37

I am not really bothered about Mother's Day. Don't think I have had anything from my kids since they left primary school.

DSS is spending it with his DM, as she wants him there.

DD is with her DF as it is his weekend.

DS is at university, doubt I will hear from him.

DH and I will have a nice quiet day on our own.

ByAllMeansMoveAtAGlacialPace · 26/03/2017 09:53

I'm a step mum with no dc of my own. Nothing and no acknowledgement from my step dc. I always find this day hard, like I don't count.

SorrelForbes · 26/03/2017 09:57

ByAllMeansMoveAtAGlacialPace Snap. Me and one of my best friends (who is in the same situation) always wish each other (by text or PM) a happy WSM day instead!

ByAllMeansMoveAtAGlacialPace · 26/03/2017 10:01

Sorrelforbes that's a lovely idea!

So many women I know are amazing at mothering despite not being actual mothers.

Dollyparton3 · 26/03/2017 10:04

Step DC arranged for their dad to give me a card and flowers from them this morning, feeling very loved! They're with their mum as they should be today but lovely to think that they wanted to make an effort for me as well

SorrelForbes · 26/03/2017 10:05

It makes us smile anyway!

WhiskeySourpuss · 26/03/2017 10:11

They have eventually remembered so I'm having breakfast in bed

DD2 & DS are here & I will see DD1 later but she has messaged this morning to let me know my present is in her room so far I have flowers (provided by ex-inlaws - DD's have no contact with biodad) & chocs (provided by ex's new wife).

DS is going to his dads at 2pm as it's his stepmums first official Mother's Day as a stepmum so we share the day.

elQuintoConyo · 26/03/2017 10:36

I'm 41 but sent my dad's partner of 5 years a HMD text. She is a SM of sorts, but i'm old Grin i'm sure she'll be tickled pink.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 26/03/2017 10:39

DSS is on holiday with his fiancée but has text me this morning. Usually I get a gift and "mum" card from him, and then DS also gets me a gift and card.

ChristopherWren · 26/03/2017 10:49

I'm a step mum and don't have children of my own and lost my own mum a long time ago. I've therefore never had anything on Mother's Day, and don't expect anything. But for some reason I'm finding it really hard this year.....

TheCakes · 26/03/2017 10:55

I think with stepfamilies no-one knows whose job it is. My ex never sorts me anything, and neither does my partner. Their stepmum has in the past. I'm now thinking I should have sent them with something for her this weekend, even though really their dad should sort for her since he doesn't do it for me.
Basically, the men in our family are rubbish.
I know my mum took DS to get me something, which he'll give me when he gets home tonight.

Newmother8668 · 26/03/2017 11:36

My DH has his son on both weekends that it's Father's Day and Mother's Day, of which he spends at his parents' house and not our home. DH and I don't really like how busy it is on these days and a bit of a nightmare to do anything, so we voted to have "family day" with just the two of us and our LO by taking a day off work every other month and spending the whole day as a family.

gingina · 26/03/2017 12:17

Your 'D' P sounds like an insensitive arse.
Why is he insisting on having his Dd on Mother's Day? Surely she should be with her mum? And why is he 'leaving you to it' when you obviously need him. Maybe you need to have a strong word with him!!
I got lovely cards in the post from the DSC and my own dc will be back early from their dads any minute now. I don't care what they get me, I just want to be with them.
My parents are coming for dinner later.

Bluebell878275 · 26/03/2017 12:43

SD is with us today..have asked if she wants to go back to mums early but doesn't seem bothered. Her mum has always declined having her if it happens to fall on our weekend. I know SD has made her something but nothing for me. I wonder what I'm doing wrong..maybe she just doesn't feel that way for me or she feels it would be disloyal to mum. Makes me sad either way..I'm invisible.

swingofthings · 26/03/2017 15:16

I never expected my kids to be with me the whole day on Mother's Day. I would be a bit upset, maybe, if I didn't see them at all, but as long as I see them morning or evening, enough to wish me a happy mother's day, it really isn't an important enough day to make a big fuss about. I'm not sure what the issue is from the OP. What do you mean by 'left to get on with it'? Get on with what? Was it is your expecting from him on this day rather than any other?

I am also surprised that a SM would expect acknowledgement on this day. I have read enough threads from posters here complaining that they are not the kids mum and therefore should have to pick up duties relating to the kids, so don't see why they think they should be getting a card. Saying that, it is lovely that some SC would consider today a day to also celebrate their SM, which clearly show that they are being treated as they would their own kids.

It made me wonder if my kids got a card for their SM. I never thought about it, assumed they didn't, but maybe they do. I wouldn't be upset if they did.

chickenjalfrezi · 26/03/2017 15:26

You'll probably find swing that the SMs sad at not having acknowledgement are not the same SMs that complain about having to pick up step child duties. There's not a 'one size fits all' SM stereotype at all.

WhiskeySourpuss · 26/03/2017 15:31

Swing my DS's stepmum picks up a lot of mum duties & it's very obvious she cares for DS as he does her therefore she deserves recognition & appreciation for that my DD's stepmum however was the complete opposite (no longer in contact) so never got the recognition or appreciation as it wasn't warranted.

There are 2 very different types of stepmum out there

Rizzo03 · 26/03/2017 18:28

Just wondering, do any of you get a card or anything from your step children? I know I'll never be the same as their actual mum but we do have them more so it would be nice at some point to get something but I guess I'm being unrealistic??

Newmother8668 · 26/03/2017 19:03

Nope, but I'm from the disengaged lot. However, I used to get my Stepfather a Father's Day card, made him his favourite foods since the age of 8 and would get him a small gift from my allowance money every year. I loved him like my father and still do.

MissPoogy · 27/03/2017 08:41

I have DD and DSS. DSS went to stay with his mum as he wanted to be with her. He signed card to me from him and his sister but other than that I stick with SM.

I would hope DH ex would allow DSS to be with DH on father's day too but she passes her new hubby of as another dad so let's see.

I only get cards of DSS since having DD. It's a tricky one as on one hand you don't want to be pushing yourself on them as another mum but at the same time you don't want to treat step kids differently. So my card says wonderful mum and wonderful step mum.

NannyGR · 27/03/2017 09:47

My ss celebrated mothers day with his mum last weekend as they had a family day with nan too! He also asked my dh if he could get me a card and present as I am his step mum so it still counts! (His words completley) so I was greeted with a lovely step mum card and gift and spent the day with them both at Wembley!! Feeling very loved!!

Rizzo03 · 27/03/2017 09:59

Don't get me wrong I don't expect a card or a gift I have my own children to do that and they should solely concentrate on their own mum but to come home moody, not speak to me at all get jealous because my dd is cooking tea a find a bit disrespectful but what can u do apart from moan on here lol