Are you friends with your DSC on FB?

[concretekitten]

i currently am but I'm considering removing her or setting it so she can only see limited things for the following reasons...

1. she's not old enough to be on there and I don't agree with it so feel like a hypocrite having her on my friends list
2. her mum has access to her profile so can log on to it and see my profile. In the past I've been 'stalked' by her mum on fb and received abusive messages so now her, her boyfriend and all her close friends and family are blocked.
3. I constantly have to be really careful about what I put on there. Not that I'm ever shouting obscenities or anything but I feel I'm having to be extra careful n I'm not free to say what I want.

I only accepted her friend request because I didn't want to upset her.

Last weekend (non contact weekend) we went to visit my grandad in hospital, he lives near the seaside so whilst we were there we went for a (very cold but pleasant) walk on the beach, took some lovely pics of DD playing and posted a couple on fb.
Last night DSC came and DSD was in tears because we went to the seaside without them.
It wasn't a day out, we were visiting my dying grandad which wasn't really a trip for DSC to come along on.
I feel like I shouldn't have to sensor what I put on fb in order to save the feelings of a child who shouldn't even be on there.

What would you do?

The easiest option is to set her to an aquataince only and then post to friends audience only. Easily solved and no one is upset. You could always do the odd post that she can see too, which will make her think your not blocking her just going on FB less.

My DSD is the same age, oh n she also follows me on Instagram but I don't use it much so not such a big deal.

Yes I'm sure she would be upset if I delete her. She's not on there all the time but when she does go on she always checks my profile and comments and likes most of my posts / pics.

I might see about restricting what she can see.

This is one of the reasons I think she shouldn't be on there, she's not old enough or mature enough to handle what fb can cause. It can be a great way to reconnect with people you haven't seen in years, share things with family you don't often see, feel close to friends at the other side of the world etc..but we all know the arguments, abuse and upset it can cause.
I wouldn't mind so much if her mum had been responsible with it, she didn't even set her profile as private so any weirdo could look at her pics and message her, it was me who went on and changed her privacy settings.

That's not great, it's a dangerous place for young children, especially girls. Well done for sorting her privacy settings out :-))

I'd put her on the restricted or acquaintances list.

We had a drama last year because of my sc being on my Facebook and his mother using his account to stalk. A friend of mines ex wife moved kids abroad to breach a contact order and I posted something about it and she assumed I was talking about her when I wasn't (but when you're the princess of the world why wouldn't you assume everything is about you lol) all he'll broke lose and her son blocked me, well she did and told me it was his choice. Whatever. He has since tried to add me to his facebook again but OH and I have agreed I should not accept. I can't be dealing with facebook drama. And I don't want to have to justify or edit anything.

Weirdly it never impacted our relationship when he was here, I think the kids are under pressure to interact with me in a way that she approves of, everyone could do without the public nature of facebook interactions in these circumstances

I'm friends but set my setting to "friends except ESS YSS" so they don't see anything, (or rather there mum doesn't see anything).

I'm friends with my DSDs. Though their own DM's a bit of a Luddite and doesn't do FB so not too worried about her seeing details of our lives.

You can put your DSD as an acquaintance and set it so your posts and photos are only visible to friends. She won't know you've done that. She'll just think you don't post much. But you'll still be able to see what she posts, which isn't a bad thing if she's young and not very clued up about social media yet. And you'd still be able to message her if you ever wanted, or she could message you.

Should add, I have found the messaging function in FB a nice way to send DSD a message wishing them luck in an exam or something at times when they're not with us.

One is, and he's on the restricted setting as his mum has access (as she should)

Thanks, well after messing around on fb for what felt like forever, I managed to set my future posts to 'friends except DSD', I didn't even know you could do that.
We do often message each other on fb so wouldn't want to delete her completely but hopefully this will prevent future problems x

I've done that with DSD's Mum . Pretty sure she knows I've done it though...she keeps asking me if there's something wrong with my Facebook because she can't see my friend lists...

I just don't want her seeing what I'm up to all the time. Not that I've got much to hide but I can totally imagine her showing my page to her friends / family and having a good bitch.

My DSD doesn't have an account yet but it probably won't be long. How old are you supposed to be have a Facebook account according to Facebook? I think I'm going to say that I don't agree with it and refuse to be her 'friend' until she reaches that age.

DH bought DSD's iPad and iPhone so he controls the parental settings on them and I don't reckon he'd allow her to access Facebook from them anyway which means she wouldn't be able to get on it when she's with us.

I was, but not anymore.

I found it quite intrusive, and got fed up with all the dramas being played out on it (so I've actually blocked ex-partners etc)...all the best its a minefield on there!

Storm you're supposed to be 13, DSD's mum set up an account for her when she was 7! But she rarely used it until recently at 9.
I know I'm going to sound really old now but I think they should be still playing with dolls at that age, not posting selfies of themselves pouting!

My DSD (11) doesn't have it yet but I am dreading when she does for these reasons. I think she'll not want to be pals as I have a very distant relationship with her mum and they will want to be friends together. I feel for you. Is she friends with her dad?

Yes she's friends with her dad but he rarely uses it and never posts anything.
He agrees with me that I shouldn't not post things because of DSD, he also thinks it's ridiculous that she's even allowed on it but his opinion counts for nothing

V silly and annoying situation. Also condolences about your granddad. Just do what you think is right. You can always make up an excuse like you don't believe in unmoderated internet access for under 13s so you're not going to do it with her. Then fingers crossed by the time she turns 13 she won't be able to think of anything worse than being friends with any of you!!

brithtreddress ha yes good point!
I've noticed tho that she's not friends with her mum, I do wonder what reason her mum gave.
You're right about unmoderated internet access. DSD has messaged me on fb at 11pm on a school night. Wtf is she doin awake at that time n why is she being allowed her iPad at that time?
Of course I just didn't reply because we would just get "why has concretekitten messaged DSD at 11pm on a school night?"

I reckon just say you've reconsidered and will be friends when she's 13. Say a woman at work has a 13 year old and told you that was best (white lie). Pretend you're super square and worried about getting in trouble with fb xx

When I was on FB I wasn't friends with DSD. We are pretty similar ages (I'm about 7 years older than her) and it's a bit weird, I act all sensible in front of her.

My DSD 4 was allowed a facebook account from age 9 by her Mum. Unfortunately my partner won't do anything about it including wanting to know her password etc.

My general reasoning is that I don't put anything on facebook I wouldn't mind anyone in the whole world seeing. That way, I can't be caught out. It does frustrate me that DP's ex has blocked me, DP and all his family but she still effectively has access to all our profiles through DSD.

No for your exact reasons. Plus I think it's unfair for SS to see DS doing things without him especially as his mother never takes him anywhere.

Do you think that hiding the life you have with DP and DD when DSD's not around is the only way to go though? Maybe DSD is old enough to see that sort of thing on FB and for you to explain to her that she does fun things when she's at her mum's and that you and DP and DD do things together too when she's not around.

Even if you hadn't been visiting your grandad, there's no reason why you shouldn't have taken DD to the beach when she wasn't with you.

All depends on the relationship and whether there's a lot of tensions really. But in an ideal world there's no reason why you shouldn't share your pics of the seaside with FB, including DSD and she accept that you get up to things without her sometimes.