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Step-parenting

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Original poster

How would you feel about you DP having pictures of his ex when there son was a baby?

38 replies

MulberryWillow · 14/09/2014 19:26

OH has a hard drive and today he got it out to sort. There were pictures of them he deleted but kept all ones with her and DSS. It makes me uncomfortable.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Pastperfect · 14/09/2014 19:28

Unless you have reasons for not trusting him it seems entirely reasonsonable to me

Brightbutchilly · 14/09/2014 19:28

Well often baby pictures are taken with one if the child's parents.

Also he may be keeping them for his son's benefit in the future.

She'll always be DSS's Mum after all.

EverythingCounts · 14/09/2014 19:28

That sounds ok to me, as he doesn't want pictures of her, she just happens to be in the ones of his son, which obviously he wants to keep. I would try and back off from this.

lk26 · 14/09/2014 19:30

My in laws have photos of my OH and his EX wife's wedding day still up in their house. They have been divorced 5 yrs. not one photo of me in the house. We have been together 5 yrs and have a child together !
At least they are on a hard drive and not on display. It's a past part of his life that he wants to keep so we as 2 nd partners just have to suck it up a any kids say

chocoraisin · 14/09/2014 19:31

totally normal. I have lots of pics of my DS1 with his dad. His dad is a twunt of the highest order, but for my DS's sake I keep them. After all, it's his early life and his dad was there then, so it would be wrong of me to pretend anything otherwise. My DP has lots of pics with him, his ex and their DC too. I don't think about it to be honest. We all had a life before we met and our DC are the evidence of that. I think you will probably have to learn to live with this one. IF my DP asked me to delete all my pics of DS1 and his dad I would be and then and find it extremely controlling tbh.

ashtrayheart · 14/09/2014 19:34

I still have pics of my xh with our children and dp has pictures of his xw and dd. I don't see the issue?

MirandaWest · 14/09/2014 19:37

I wouldn't have a problem with it. I think my bf is more likely to not look at photos that have his XW (and his DS) in as he feels it would hurt me in some way but obviously he had a life before he met me and I'm secure enough to know that he wants me now. If he went and saw his XW and had a photo taken of her and his DS and then put that on display I wouldn't be happy but that's not what he's doing.

micah · 14/09/2014 19:38

Lk 26- my in laws the same! Pics up from the first wedding, they didn't even come to ours!

Ex also has all her pics, and shoes them to sdc regularly. Apparently she's also shown them to my dc (mil took them round when I was working, she told dh she was just dropping sdc off) which I was fuming about.

I think pics of sds on a hard drive is ok. Poor dh has no pics at all of his kids as babies as he left with nothing but a change of clothes.

Vitalstatistix · 14/09/2014 19:41

so he deleted pictures that just showed her and him but he kept pictures of his son as a baby being held by the mother?

That's not unreasonable of him at all. Why should he throw away pictures of his child as a baby because the woman who bore that child is in the picture? She is and always will be the child's mother. The mother of his child.

I would be fine with it.

If he kept big romantic pictures of the two of them in his wallet, that would piss me off. But not a picture of his child with the mother of his child.

I suspect you will find it is about his son, not his ex.

DesperateDelilah · 14/09/2014 19:42

Totally fine. Not a problem so far? Anything else relevant you need to tell us op??

IndiansInTheLobby · 14/09/2014 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

batgirl1984 · 14/09/2014 20:12

Imagine if both partners did this. Then the poor kid would be posting 'there are barely any pictures of me as a kid. My dad got with a partner who made him delete all the photos with my Mum in, then my Mum got with a partner who made Her delete all the ones with my dad in. AIBU to be annoyed at the pair of them for being so under the thumb that they failed to protect my heritage?'

wheresthelight · 14/09/2014 20:15

mulberry I afraid I think you need to grow up. they are pictures of his child as a baby, babies are always held by someone. get over it or you will ruin your relationship!

connedbird · 14/09/2014 20:24

I think it's normal too. Although this kind of thing is hard to swallow. Without kids in the picture we wouldn't really be subjected to happy photos of our partners with their ex. As a stepmum you are supposed to just swallow those feelings.
You know it's okay to have these photos really, I think it's just a tough one to get your head around initially.

Ps. My husbands ex still has photos of their wedding day up in her new house 8 years after the divorce and with a new baby on both sides, both remarried. Now thats bonkers

micah · 14/09/2014 20:26

batgirl it's hardly heritage! I have no photos of me with either of my parents as a baby/child. I have none at all of me with my dad as he died when I was 9. It's never really occurred to me before now, to be honest, I'm certainly not annoyed at my mum.

Think about it too, I have no photos of me with my DC either. I have failed as a parent.

They're only photos.

gamerchick · 14/09/2014 20:27

I wouldn't care.

If he had photos of his ex nude and legs akimbo it might be different.

LRB978 · 14/09/2014 20:27

I have photo's of me and my ex, with and without ds. I have photos of me and my dp. I have photos of me and previous boyfriends. My dp has pictures of his ex. His ex has photos of him on her facebook (dont ask how I found that one out). The fact is, apart from me and dp, these are all from the past. They are good memories from his/my past. It doesnt mean that it is what either of us want now. If I wanted to be with my ex, that is who I would be with, I wouldnt be with my dp. Photos of the past are just that, they are not an indication of discontent with the present or an suggestion of problems in the future.

Spadequeen · 14/09/2014 20:28

You really need to get over this op. he and his ex have a child together, she will always be in his life, if you can't accept that, then leave now.

needaholidaynow · 14/09/2014 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlossyMoo · 14/09/2014 20:34

OP it is not a picture of his ex. It is a picture of his child with his ex. Totally different.

hollie84 · 14/09/2014 20:37

Of course he wants to keep baby pictures! His son will want to have photos of himself as a baby with his mum too.

You can't erase his past, especially as he has a child.

batgirl1984 · 14/09/2014 20:37

Micah, just because you haven't got them and perhaps wouldn't value them it doesn't mean they are not part of someone else's family heritage. I love pictures of young me and my dad. DH's young half sister loves pictures of anyone she knows now when they were younger, looking at them seemed to help her make sense of her place in the world / her complicated family when she was going through a rough adolescence. Fair enough its not for everyone but its not the place of someone who happens to date your dad to change the decision your parents made to have those photos.

Shedding · 14/09/2014 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redglasses · 14/09/2014 20:40

My DH has lots of photos in our computer photo library of DSDs birthdays, Christmases, holidays, with him his exw and their dd. I wasn't there at that point, I doesn't bother me, they're still memories of the good times for them.
My DSD has a bit in her room where she has put up photos of her parents together when my DHs exw was pregnant with DSD, when they were on a holiday etc. They are and always will be her parents, photos are just a reminder of the good bits in my opinion. Seeing them definitely doesn't make me feel uncomfortable.

whatsthemattermaryjane · 14/09/2014 20:42

I'd be worried if my DH didn't have any photos of his ex holding their DC as babies! It would show me something very unpleasant and immature about him if he would try and blank that out.

I have photos of my ex with our DD and one of the 3 of us together, DD treasures that photo!

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