How would you feel about you DP having pictures of his ex when there son was a baby?

[MulberryWillow]

OH has a hard drive and today he got it out to sort. There were pictures of them he deleted but kept all ones with her and DSS. It makes me uncomfortable.

That's quite a picture you painted there gamerchick

It would honestly not occur to me to mind this. I wouldn't even expect him to delete pucs of them together as a couple WITHOUT their DS. I wouldn't want them on display in our house, or as the screensaver on his computer, but absolutely no issue with them existing in an album or on a hard drive somewhere.

I didn't bother taking the pics of exh out of the multi aperture frames when I left him (pics of him with the kids i mean). It is several years later, I am happily remarried and the pics are still there. DH doesn't give a hoot, it's nice for the kids to have them there.

I still have pictures of myself and ex. One day ds will probably like them. It shows that we did love each other once and were happy when he was conceived and born

Exactly! I still have my wedding photos, a photo video montage my exH made for me upon our wedding anniversary, holiday pics of us as a family - goodness, literally thousands of them!

My DH negotiated for ages with his exW (via solicitors) and she eventually let him "borrow" the negatives of their family photos (pre-digital). He bought a negative scanner and now has photo memories of their life together too.

DH has also got a "makeover" pic of his exW that she sent him before they were married and were in a long distance relationship. As is usual for those type of photos, she looks stunning! He's shown it to his DD and will show DS when he's a bit older - they can decide if they'd like it one day.

Thanks for answering.

Hope you're okay MW

It really wouldn't bother me. In fact, I know DH has some family pictures stored somewhere as I know his ex does too. At the end of the day they shared a life once. You can't just erase that.

Now, if he had kept pics of his ex solo in her underwear or something then I'd understand your worries. But pictures of a family that once was - who he has a continuous link to? Not a problem at all.

I think pictures of his son with his ex (who is his sons mother) is totally normal and if it is only that which is concerning you then i don't think you have anything to worry about.

Slightly different situation but my DH's ex (who isn't the mom of DSS) passed away while they were dating. They had been in a relationship for 3 years and she was very close to DSS who was 5 when she died. There are photos in the house of both the three of them and just his ex and DSS together. It doesn't bother me because i know that she was (and to some extent still is) an important part of both of their lives. I imagine your DH feels similar and that they are important memories of his.

I think as long as they're stored away and not on display or looked at often, then I nothing wrong with it.

I have all the photos of my ex including wedding photos. My dp has the same. We don't look at them but they're tucked away and I would never destroy them.

I wouldn't want them up on the wall, but on a hard drive is fine. No problem. And I certainly wouldn't want to delete the photos I have of my DC with their dad. You can't erase someone out of your past.

Actually this was on my mind recently as DSIL sent DH some photos she'd come across and scanned in of his DD1 as a newborn. There's ones of DH and DSD, and of all his extended family holding DSD (first grandchild) but DH's ex isn't in any of them, which struck me as rather odd. DSD is a tiny newborn in the pics so her Mum surly wouldn't have been far away but DH's family do rather seem to have wiped her off the record. But not my problem really I guess. I wouldn't ask him to do that.

Well you say there were some deleted so maybe he deleted any inappropriate ones and kept the ones with just his son. I wouldn't have a problem with it.

1st picture taken of my DD was with her dad in the delivery room - I took it. 2nd picture was taken by midwife with the 3 of us. I gave ex the 1st picture (which wasn't easy as it is still the 1st pic of her taken & has special significance for that reason) & kept the 2nd. 1st pic is on display at her dad's, 2nd pic is on display in my home. They are photos that often prompt discussions with DD, asking about her birth etc. They are really important photos for her in getting a sense of how her life started - the idea that the pic I have in my hallway, showing the 3 of us just minutes after DD was born, making anyone else uncomfortable is such a bizarre notion to me. It's a historical record for my DD, a very important point of reference for her, along with all the other photos of a time in her life when her dad lived with her that she has no memory of. And tbh it's important for me to remember those times DD had with her dad too, because it reminds me that he did have a great relationship with her back when we were together & just because his relationship with her has changed, it doesn't diminish the bond they have & it's important for my DD to know that too.

If you have issues with photos your ex has that contain his ex, then I can only guess that you aren't emotional equipped to deal with the complications that come from having a relationship with someone who has a past of any kind, much less an ongoing connection to that past via a child. Unless there is more to this than just your feelings about photos, I can't see this being a healthy dynamic for either of you.