Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

what do u say when p[eople comment on your DLA?

35 replies

misdee · 18/05/2005 16:44

as we've had a few comments 'oh your well rich' 'you must get load sof money' 'itsbalright for you' etc etc. just want people to see past the finicial help we get and see the big picture.

OP posts:
Fio2 · 18/05/2005 16:47

I have had that much stick about it even off my in laws that i dont even mention it any more. Soemtimes SIl will comment and I just say rather obnoxiously, it is given for a reason, that reason being that our life is affected completely. I cannot work and I cannot socialise as i would wish to

why cant people get a fucking life

Dingle · 18/05/2005 16:47

Well let's be blunt here, would they swap their child for yours? What would they rather have a healthy NT child or the crap that we have to encounter day in day out!!

Although I have been lucky,I can't say I have ever had anyone comment.

expatinscotland · 18/05/2005 16:47

you mean people actually have to audacity to make comments like this to the parent a special needs child?

i'm gobsmacked!

i can't imagine someone thinking it' an enviable position to be in or that it's money for nothing.

that's truly shocking.

Cristina7 · 18/05/2005 16:47

I'd be tempted to say "do you wanna swap?" but instead explain that it barely covers the taxi rides. We get £60 a month for DS (who is profoundly deaf) and we use the money to get taxis to and from Waterloo and the hospital where he has his hearing tests. It's a long way from home and he needs to be in a good mood to perform on the rather boring tests. When he had private speech therapy i used to point out a session was £80 an hour and he had them weekly.

Fio2 · 18/05/2005 16:50

I hate the 'well she gets money for her" (being my dd) and i think, so????

sorry for swearing , it is winding me up even thinking about it. My Auntie used to have a go at my Mum for getting it for my sister aswell. Some people just 'cant see' what a carer does. She used to say my Mum sunbathed all day ffs

Original poster
misdee · 18/05/2005 16:51

the kids sleepsuitas can cost upt £40 a time, dd2 knickers cost me £3.50 a pair, dd1 school dress is £22. i cant buy cheap clothing unless its !00% cotton and the seams are scratch free. cant buy cheap food due to colourings and dd1 reactions.

dh has a mobility car due to his heart problems, yet we get people saying its a 'free' car.

OP posts:
Gwenick · 18/05/2005 16:52

Don't have a SN child but if I did and I got comments like that I'd probably ask them if they wanted to pay for the 'extra' stuff I needed to buy/pay for, and whether they'd be willing to look after my child for 1 whole day (without me there to help them)

Original poster
misdee · 18/05/2005 16:52

oh, and bathtime routine can take over 1hour.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 18/05/2005 16:52

'fuck off' sounds appropriate to me

Fio2 · 18/05/2005 16:53

I know a 'free' car that costs you 160 a month out of your much needed benefits, which i will have to get a crappy little job to cover the loss

sparklymieow · 18/05/2005 16:53

I have the 'oh you get two lots of DLA, and have two cars, you must be loaded' yea right!!!! Cost me a forture in petrol because they can't walk that far, costs me more in clothes because they fall. etcetc.

Davros · 18/05/2005 16:53

Misdee, as if you haven't got enough to worry about! Arses! I had someone once say to me I was lucky to have a Blue Badge but I think they were quite embarrassed when they realised what they'd said. I agree, if it comes up then the suggestion to swap would send them running! Otherwise I think I'd just ignore it and don't mention it, its none of their business. Fio, what charmers your lot sound.

Original poster
misdee · 18/05/2005 16:54

me and mieow actually hear it sometimes from other sis. drives me mad.

OP posts:
sparklymieow · 18/05/2005 16:55

Littlesis thinks its fine to comment on it regularaly!!

Original poster
misdee · 18/05/2005 16:56

anyone want my life? you can all of our benefits, but you have to be on call 24hrs a day, 7 days a week and have to worry lots

OP posts:
Gwenick · 18/05/2005 16:56

hey misdee and miaow - why not arrange a 'girls day out' for just the two of you, then turn up at your sisters house with ALL of your kids, leave them in her house and tell her you'll be back later to pick them up

Fio2 · 18/05/2005 16:57

I have aged terrible. i am 27 and feel about 50

Gwenick · 18/05/2005 16:57

oh and don't leave her any money to do stuff with them either

Twiglett · 18/05/2005 16:57

how about this

do a spreadsheet and list out every single extra expenditure you have on a monthly basis due to the SN you have to cope with (down to prescription charges etc)

then put a line with the extra income you get through DLA

take the expenditure away from the income and bold and enlarge the answer (which I assume would be a negative figure)

print it off

roll it up and put it in a postal tube

next time SIL, or other idiot, makes that kind of comment, get out your postal tube (here's one I prepared earlier)

and ram it where the sun don't shine

Original poster
misdee · 18/05/2005 16:58

same here fio, feel a lot older than 25.

OP posts:
sparklymieow · 18/05/2005 16:58

I feel about 60 atm

Dingle · 18/05/2005 16:59

There are a couple of thing that have stuck in my mind here.

I remember when dd was only a few months old, an a few of the girls I used to work with came around to visit. One girl was also on MAT leave and had just had a baby girl. We got chatting about our intentions of returning to work and I can remember the guilt, the shame almost of saying that because we'd got dd's DLA I could afford to stay off of work. Just a f**king well! How many jobs,not only fit around 2 young children and 2/3 SN appointments most weeks!!

If dd continues to qualify for DLA in October, and especially when she starts school, I admit that financially, it probably won't be worth my while going out to paid work. But I will put all this SN experience I have to good use somehow. I may go into school and help some of the other SN children, or I may try to develop my card making to increas fund-raising for the DS group- after all I wouldn't want to be a burden on society, would I!

Fio2 · 18/05/2005 17:02

I really cant see how we are a burden on society. I always worked before I had dd and my husband pays into the system. i look at it as some sort of tax relief that we are paying ourselves it would cost society more to look after my child if I wasnt here to do it, lets face it

Gwenick · 18/05/2005 17:03

actually perhaps we should send all those living with DLA out of the country along with all of these immigrants - after all apparently neither group do anything for our socity

Dingle · 18/05/2005 17:06

I did mean that as sarcasm Fio! Sorry, I must admit not to being very literate these day, OK I am no genius, but I did come out of school with qualifications, and to what use has this done me! I feel almost trapped, most other mums at least have the option of working or being a SAHM. I feel that has been taken away and my brain is drying up rather quickly!