Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

How do you deal with 'Non-believers'

26 replies

Frasersmum123 · 26/01/2009 10:19

I hope you dont mind me posting this here, but I thought I would get a better response here.

My DS is 2 next month and still isnt speaking. He is also very withdrawn and not sociable at all. I am seeing my GP tomorrow to discuss his development, and I mentioned this to my step-MIL, who is now going all out to convince me there is nothing wrong with him.

I am not saying he has A,B or C, but I am comncerned about his lack of speach and understanding, and my Step-MIL is exausting me in her efforts. I dont want to be rude to her, but my instincts are telling me to push for some kind of review.

Has anyone else had a similar situation - what should I do?

OP posts:
5inthebed · 26/01/2009 10:22

Go with your instinct.

I had to fight my HV and GP from my ds2 being 8 months old to be seen by someone, as I always felt there was something not quite right about him. He was dx with plagiocephaly at 10 months and ASD at 2.5.

Obviously not saying that that is what is wrong with your ds, but definately go with how you feel and not other peoples opinions.

trace2 · 26/01/2009 10:38

a mother usally knows

Go with your instinct.

sarah293 · 26/01/2009 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/01/2009 10:40

Go with your gut instinct and ignore step MIL (what's FIL like?).

Ask your GP to refer you to a developmental paediatrician.

silverfrog · 26/01/2009 10:40

definitely go with your instinct.

I do was battling to get my dd1 seen from when she was 8 months old.

She was diagnosed at 2.5, with the very thing that the professionals had dismissed all those months ago.

you are the person who spends most time with your ds. If you think there is something to be investigated, then chase it up.

TotalChaos · 26/01/2009 10:43

Nod, smile, ignore and avoid discussing the issue with her as far as possible if it stresses you out.

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 26/01/2009 10:51

Thanks everyone.

FIL has passed away, but he would have been alot more sensible.Step-MIL hasnt actually had any children of her own, but has 'worked with children for years and help bring up hundreds of children' (her words), but I just dont think that counts for anything against mothers instinct.

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 26/01/2009 11:06

i took my ds at 2 die to lack of speech to be honest at this age you will have alot of people his just lazy, boys are always slow, your worrying about nothing his still a baby i heard it all

but is till went and im glad i did i learnt not to discuss it with people who didnt understand as i had no answers myself

alot can change in a few months but always go with what in your heart best to get there early enough incase the changes dont come

my ds didnt talk properly until 2.5 and then that was just 2 words at 3.5 it was sentences so if id waited the waiting list would have been longer as he didnt get SALT until 3 anyway so took a yr

write a list to take with you with your concerns its easy to forget everything when you go in although they'll probably refer you ANYWAY ON THE LACK OF SPEECH sorry not shouting at you good luck xx

cyberseraphim · 26/01/2009 11:08

I would think that the fact that she is trying hard to convince you is proof in itself that there might be a problem. No one has ever tried to convince me that my second son is fine because he obviously is - whereas I used to get all those 'oh they all catch up comments' about my first son (ASD).

sphil · 26/01/2009 11:12

I had this when DS2 was 2 as well - it made me feel as if I was being completely neurotic and a 'pushy parent'. Tbh it did delay me in seeking support for him - I really wanted to believe that the 'doubters' were right! The withdrawn behaviour would cncern me more than the lack of speech tbh - or rather the two together. DS2 was like this at 2 - he was very much in his own world. He isn't now, even though he was eventually dx with ASD. But there's so much you can do early on.

magso · 26/01/2009 11:18

I agree with the others - trust yourself. I have found that family tend to confuse support with optimism. It may be to do with their own projected hopes for the child and not wanting to sound negative.

NotPlayingAnyMore · 26/01/2009 11:18

Do not react. If she asks why you haven't made a reaction, maybe asking why she needs one may open up a more positive dialogue.

(or not )

Either way, she is entitled to her opinion, but that's all it is: her opinion and presumably not a medically qualified one either.

TotalChaos · 26/01/2009 11:21

completely agree with magso (again! I seem to be agreeing with you an awful lot lately [grinb]). People mean well when they tell you nothing seems to be wrong and discourage you from getting the professionals involved.

bubblagirl · 26/01/2009 11:24

to be honest not one child is the same so we all have experiences of something to share that will not happen to another child

some talk over night in sentences some dont talk at all some take months to learn to talk etc we all have an experience and the ones that have seen the positive side of 2 is still a baby my son started talking over night or little billy didnt walk and just run out the door one day

everyone has a tale to tell but this then comes in to what you believe i believed there was more to it with my son so went on my instincts listening to others is great but is also delaying times of getting help its easy to come off a waiting list but can take ages on it so best to be safe than sorry im glad i went you will hear alot of his ok's and his a typical boy always a bit slow as this is from people who have had the positive experiences but no child has exactly the same experience so do what you feel best for your child

lingle · 26/01/2009 11:44

It's harder for the older generation because differences were not diagnostic material in their day.

Don't let either family or the professionals stop you from being in charge at any point.

cyberseraphim · 26/01/2009 11:58

I agree high end of the SN spectrum conditions were not diagnosed in previous generations - but also many children in those days, with what we now call ASD/GDD/Downs Syndrome disappeared into institutional care at a young age so the older generation may have grown up thinking differences were very rare because they did not see different children in their communities and schools.

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 26/01/2009 12:19

I just wanted to add that my MIL is only in her 50s and she is a nurse!

OP posts:
cyberseraphim · 26/01/2009 12:41

Sorry - was not trying to make you feel old or that there is definitely a problem - there might not be . All you need at this stage is to be supported in your decision to have some further investigation done.

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 26/01/2009 13:27

Thanks cyberseraphim

OP posts:
Phoenix4725 · 26/01/2009 17:16

go with your feelings i had to battle with the oh hes lazy child , dont givethings to him make him ask and the best one are you sure you know wht your doing bare in mind my son was my 4th child , oh this was all from my gp fromround 6 months

eventually i got him seen bt devlopment padetrcian and in hoscase there was a problem but does not meaan your will have but you will feel better for asking

kettlechip · 26/01/2009 19:58

Go with your instincts - I got a reaction of "Oh, for God's sake" from IL's when I referred a virtually non verbal ds to a paediatrician at 2.0. It did bother me but I ignored it and am glad I did.

It's far better to have him checked and you feel reassured, then listen to others and waste what could be valuable time. He's still young, plenty can change, but it's far better to be in the system should you suddenly need help.
Good luck!

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 26/01/2009 20:43

Thanks everyone, you have all made me feel so much better, and you are all so right - I do know my own child better than anyone and I am going to listen to my instincts and do my best as a mother to get what my DS needs.

I think it has been the reaction I assumed I will get that has put me off so far, and I do feel very guilty about it, but we are off to the GP tomorrow to talk about his peanut allergy but im going to talk to him about it too.

My MIL just has this was of making me feel neurotic, plus she always knows someone who was 100 times worse that you etc etc!

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfGhosts · 26/01/2009 20:47

I ignore them and go with my own instincts.

Glad you have decided to talk to gp.

It costs nothing to ask, it doesn't hurt in any way. And if nothing is wrong then fine, you're reassured. BUT. If something is the matter, then the sooner it's identified, the sooner he can be helped.

And since asking for an assessment won't give him any form of asd or ld or gdd or what have you - there's only really one thing to do, isn't there?

TotalChaos · 27/01/2009 08:32

when you see GP - if your DS doesn't point to show you things that interest him or things he wants, or have any basic pretend play (e.g. put things on his head like a bowl as a hat, or pouring a pretend cup of tea from a toy teapot to toy cup) then flag that up as well.

and completely agree with Hecate. The assessment process and SALT are not in anyway intrusive or bothersome to a child - from their point of view it will just be looking at book/picture/playing with a nice lady. It's us parents that find it stressful!!

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 27/01/2009 09:50

Thanks Hecate and TotalChaos. No, he doesnt do either of the things you mentioned, but I am very aware that I dont want to go in with a list of all the things he doesnt do so that it looks like I have already made some kind of diagnosis.

I will let you know how we get on.

OP posts: