To find my son disgusting

[thegreenlight]

I was put on sertraline after losing my dad two years ago - I have just come off them as they made me like a zombie, feeling nothing, and put 4 stone on me. I have stopped taking them but now I find my son (who has adhd and high functioning autism) absolutely disgusting. He’s 11 and screams and tantrums if asked to take a shower, leaves food waste all over his room, he was in the hot tub with his brother and kept spitting water even though I asked him repeatedly to stop (and WHILE I was telling him to stop) he leaves his clothes everywhere, refuses to lift the toilet seat and pisses all over it despite me asking constantly for him not to do it. When I was on sertraline I could cope with it but now it makes me rage. I’ve just told him to get out of the tub (he won’t so I end up shouting at him) his attitude stinks and I don’t like him very much at the moment. I’m NOT going back on sertraline (even though my family would probably love me to as I’m a compliant fem-bot with no preferences or demands when on it). AIBU?

I do think this is a really complex issue. Dealing with SEN is unbelievably challenging at times, coming of ADs is a perilous time for people. The OP is incredibly vulnerable at the moment and I don’t think a thread where some posters attacked her character was going to help with dealing with that. She is a person not a robot.

I admit I found the energy from her original post and even the title of the thread concerning at first. Concerning for the OP and for her son originally but the OP clarified her overall experiences very early on in the thread and her love for her child, her commitment to her child and her really nice sense of humour came through in those posts.

Observing this purely from what is written on this thread fwiw it does appear to me that the OP is cycling through emotions, as happens with withdrawal from medication and her thought patterns are reflecting this. That is the only reason I would see looking at how medication might help in the short term (tapering) with this change in the family.

As regards coming of ADs as it is with everything else in life, there is no one answer to these things. Trialling something and seeing if it works out then maybe trialling another approach is absolutely fine.

One of the things that cheeses you off is his hygiene op, you say he uses the hot tub, so perhaps it might just be easier in the morning to tell him to get in the hot tub for a few mins? Yes it's not soap but ita water and will cleanse him and perhaps relax him. Wetting the bed at night out some pull ups on him. Weeing on the toilet seat get a ping pong ball and put it in the toilet and make a game that he has to aim for the ping pong ball. Get some visual aids pecs for tidying up so it could be a photo of his Xbox and if he has tidied up then he can go on it. If he misbehaves on Roblox then remove the picture and say no Roblox tomorrow.

It's a sensory thing.

Have only read half, but maybe put him in the hot tub alone rather than with his sibling. The spitting won't matter then.

@thegreenlight I completely understand, I have a dc with similar issues but I'm 10 years further down the road. Their behaviour almost destroyed me and my marriage.
If you ever feel the need to vent or just want to talk, you're more than welcome to pm me.

Hats off to you as I know how soul destroying it can be.

Do you think her kids are reading this? You need to get a grip.

That’s not really the point

Hi OP, I have no advice but want to give you a virtual hug and ask you to look after yourself. You sound like a very overwhelmed but loving mother. We all lose our shit from time to time... Go easy on yourself x

Well that post got deleted so MN agreed it was unacceptable, thankfully.

As have your own contributions I see.

🤷‍♀️

(Mind you that probably going to get deleted as well)

OP, please ignore the perfect parents on here, giving you a hard time. Easy to do it when hiding behind a computer screen. Your life sounds very difficult, so please do give yourself some grace. My son is NT and I have shouted at him when he's being disrespectful. I don't know anyone who hasn't got angry and shouted when their children are being wilfully badly behaved. Nobody should have to be treated like cr3p in their own home, and that includes you! Sending you strength and hope you find something that works.

Hi all,
While we at MNHQ await a response from this OP to see if she still wishes the thread to go, we are moving it out of AIBU to SN Children. Please bear this in mind when posting.

The behaviour isn’t seen as ok. But “not ok” doesn’t mean it doesn’t sometimes happen.

The reason I felt a gender debate regarding the behaviour was not called for was that there were already sufficient core issues in play that OP was grappling with comments on, namely the ND struggles with her DS and her own struggles with coming off the meds. I was concerned for her in that situation as emotionally vulnerable and I really didn’t see what introducing a foray into whether or not her DS was also or wasn’t also “entitled” because of his gender was adding to help. It was just generating more heat on the thread.

People get on their soapboxes seemingly oblivious to the fact that there is often a real person suffering on the other side of the thread. It becomes more important to them to bang on with what they think is their brilliant analytical take, as though no real person is impacted.

Anyway I’m glad to see MN agree and have pulled many of the posts most blind to this. I hope OP is feeling better and gets some RL support.

I just wanted to offer a "keep going". I know how tough it is at times and I've only got one ND child to deal with. I would definitely definitely speak to your GP about changing meds. As I said in a PP my daughter had a horrific time with Sertraline and changed to Venlafaxine. She has blossomed on this and the weight she piled on quickly disappeared. I'm sorry you've had such a hard time on here from some people

Good afternoon OP .
It's another brand new day . I sincerely hope that your consultation with your GP goes well and that you feel heard and supported .
I also hope that you are able to filter out the awful sentiments of PPs whose comprehension skills are lacking and that you can feel the love and empathy from the rest of us (including HopeMumsnet) .
We wish you a better day and look forward to any updates you have the time or inclination to make .
x

I know that I was an absolute little shit from the ages of about 12-16 - puberty can be a real bugger for boys and girls!

It is important to tell the truth. To repeat the notion on here that "all 11 year olds are like the op's son" is simply false, it is predominately 11 years olds of the male sex. To state this fact is not trying to start some gender debate or argue, it is simply stating a fact!

You’re right, it’s a very important issue - one that calls for its own thread rather than being tacked on to a thread where that discussion is not going to benefit or make a difference to the OP.