I will never take ds to another party

[DorothyL]

Horrendous, I really need to accept that it doesn't work

Feel awful!

Never say never. As they get older the parties and the children change and a small group party when he's older may work well for your DS. Obviously I don't know your circumstances but have seen that with DC before.

Pool, bouncy castle , nothing structured - ds lost it and screamed etc

Happens at every party tbh because he gets overwhelmed and feels out of control

He always thinks he wants to go but then doesn't enjoy it

I feel he won't get invited again in a hurry

I'm ok now and he's in bed thank you for asking

I'm sorry just feeling a bit drained! And cross with myself because I still
fall into that way of thinking sometimes "why can't he just be normal" - it's another reason not to go to parties because it illustrates too much what other boys his age are like!

That's a great way of looking at it. I had a chat with ds today and said to him that maybe we won't bother with parties and he seemed okay with that.

I'm just sick of apologising to parents

((hugs))

My dc1 only wanted the party bag. Can you simplify the transaction to give birthday card / receive haribos without the awful interval in between?

Sympathies.
It's hard, and often it feels like it is about everyone else but ds.
I hate it when he isn't invited
So people invite him and I hate that I almost feel grateful
Then I hate that he has been invited because he sort of wants to go, but doesn't 'get' parties.
Then I hate having to decline invite or hate going because ds spends whole time clinging to me, signing home.

I think the idea of going just for a little while (cake and party bag!) is a good one, and might try that next time

Hazeyjane your post sums it up so well

I'm sad when he's not invited but going is torture

Really feel for you. We've had an awful day of it today, mostly due to party.

Sorry to hijack this, but I saw it and thought I'd ask your opinion.

My DD turns 5 soon and she has a boy with autism in her class who we will be inviting. (Whole class invited) I told her this on Friday as I happened to be speaking to her. She seemed unsure as he melts down at parties. We didn't get time to continue the chat as children came out.

But I want to know what would help at the party. We are having a party entertainer / magician. So a structured but exciting main activity, then a 20 minute disco followed by cake and party food.

I imagine the disco to be the hardest part to deal with. Is that right? How can I make the whole party easier for them? I would like to tell the mum some ideas when I give the invites out. I'd really like her to feel welcome.

Thanks so much PotterGoose, I will keep those in mind. I know he has seen the entertainer before, he came to preschool at Christmas, so it won't be a first encounter and I have pre warned the entertainer who was lovely.
The schedule I can do, the only thing I can think is that the disco is in the middle and that will be the tricky bit. I think I will ask his mum if she wants me to get some colouring / sticker stuff for him to do in the kitchen area while it's going on. Do you the she will be offended by that?

Colouring/sticker stuff for those who want quiet might be more diplomatic. Maybe even ask her if she was planning on staying and you were looking for an extra pair of hands at the colouring table if she was available?

Ds2 loved small parties and hated big noisy ones.
He also loved his own parties (which were small and themed)

Blossom not surprised today was awful a bad party experience is the pits. Ds2 has had such good party experiences that the bad ones really threw me into confusion.

Discos were always wrong for him, as too noisy and all over the place
whereas musical bumps and musical statues were fine
any sort of treasure hunt (simple) was enjoyable

and food had to come quite quickly or he got very upset at the hanging around

Also random games with water pistols and balls didn't worked
but dressing up was a great success, and "themes"
craft worked (although he is not at all crafty and has poor motor skills) so little tasks went down well, colouring, making something simple, jigsaw, quizzes, matching cards, finding things, structured activities

winning and losing went down v badly.

Soft play was fine for him, he liked squeezing through tunnels and being pummelled!

I always stayed. He once ran off at a "loud"bowling party, so I realised it was best , although he thought he would enjoy it.

my ds hates parties. the last childrens party he went to was 3 years ago and was absolutely awful. The set up was similar to the one your child went to. He sat around the back of the bouncy castle trying to get the pump to turn off! Too much noise, too many noisy (happy) kids darting about and bumping into each other (him included) and he hates physical contact. He disliked kids eating food and putting half eaten cakes etc back on the plate (Mr food and hygeine). We had practised saying thank you for having me to the mum (party host). We queued to say goodbye and he said beautifully 'thankyou for having me'. I was chuffed. Then........ the mum said 'did you enjoy yourself?' ---- (we hadn't rehearsed this bit). My Ds then shouts in her face as she hands him the party gift bag 'ITS THE WORSE PARTY I'VE EVER BEEN TO AND I HATE YOUR DS'. He then chucked the gift bag back at her and she burst out crying. I apologised and had every parent glare at me and ds. I was embarassed and angry with ds. We got in the car and said why are you crying I said 'thank you for having me like you told me too'.