All say dd is not asd but how do I explain her Beahviour?!

[Waitingforsleep]

Dd is 8. We have had her seen and Ados by two different teams. All conclude not asd.
But I don't know how to explain her behaviour when she needs so much extra support than others.
How do I explain that yesterday she went absolutely out of control at the park over a ball (we brought one between her and her brother and she was jealous we hadn't brought two) to the point she was hitting me, screaming almost being sick, foaming at the mouth... Surely this isn't 8 year old behaviour?
She can't wait for anything- is so impatient for anything. Argues with her brother all the time, is rude hitting him, getting angry for little things which she shouts and screams at, can't sleep if doesn't have melatonin.. panics and worries over things like bees.

I am not meaning how do I explain as I. To anyone else but to me. I just want to know what I'm dealing with!

Can't offer any help I'm afraid but am interested in replies as I'm in a similar situation although ds is not too bad at home and all his problems/ meltdowns are at school

She is currently screaming the place down now over who is going the toilet first! Ok so today and yesterday she is over tired but it's still extreme!

Why did they rule out asd and what did they suggest instead?

It's not your job to explain behavior with a reason it's the professionals job to look at what causing it. So I'd ask them. "Ok, her extreme anxiety and anger can't be explained by ASD, so what do we do now and who else is going to assess her for underlying difficulties causing this?" Then wait for a reply. I very much doubt they'll just say it's perfectly age appropriate behaviour!

In the meantime keep a diary. What she's cross about, what was happening before, during, what you did, what did and didn't work and anything she said about the situation afterwards. Present this at not appointment.

I have done all of this and no one is listening. I'm exhausted :(
They all give same dx anxiety. Say she talks to people is social able basically does not fit criteria which I can see too. But I need answers I need to know.
I even mailed daphne keen but she said not to come as I may get same dx. I'm so confused!
The ball incident - we were playing happily I got the ball out and accidentally called it her brothers ball, she was so jealous and I tired to explain its a family ball. She said how jealous she was. She wanted to escape further away from daddy to talk to me was really in a panic. I took her off but she could not accept that it was a family ball. Kept saying over and over buy me one now! She kept trying to hide it though when she saw people looking as she gets embarrassed about losing her temper. I tried to cuddle her she fought me off.
Eventually I gave her two choices to play or go back to the caravan we stopping in. I had to make her go back and the. Sat her in her room in bed, got her DVD player out and have her a drink and chocolate. She said she didn't deserve it :(
I told her she did deserve it, I understood she was struggling with the situation and going to her room was not a punishment but something she needed to do to be calm. We hugged and she was fine. Apologised hours later.
My heart breaks :(

Ive been told by a pychologist that the Ados is only a tiny part of the diagnoses.

They did other things too, saw her a few times but how can get someone to see? Who can I go to? :(

I don't know if the Elizabeth Newson Centre could see you privately?

Isnt it there for pda though?

In a way, have also heard good things about them and female dx, also atypical presentations.

I have heard that DISCO is a better assessment for girls.

Think they are £3000 though, any others? She just keeps getting anxiety based

No not me..
They can't be taking it seriously as there has been no help or plans to help since

Yes I agree zzz but no one wants to know and for me I find it hard when things that make her anxious sound very similar to being on the spectrum I kee thinking well is she anxious as she has asd?
Things like dislike of change for example and taking things literally
It doesn't help she is so good at hiding it which means everyone thinks I'm bonkers :(

No support in place at all but luckily school have been really good with her which is great but then even they talk about her being on the spectrum at times too which confuses me

Yes I agree they are symptoms of anxiety, sorry if I'm not understanding but are you saying that being anxious about these kind of things doesn't mean she is autistic? There is no plan in place to help her and I'm reluctant with Camhs if they offered. Who would help?

I thought anxiety under pinned asd which is why I keep thinking she is anxious due to ththe symptoms of autism iyswim

Ok but with the knowledge that yes she is anxious how do I know it's not caused by symptoms of asd and as such would need to be identified and supported ?
I'm really struggling To understand how you can be just born anxious and if so how to deal with it / explain it etc,
How old are your two ?