All say dd is not asd but how do I explain her Beahviour?!

[Waitingforsleep]

Dd is 8. We have had her seen and Ados by two different teams. All conclude not asd.
But I don't know how to explain her behaviour when she needs so much extra support than others.
How do I explain that yesterday she went absolutely out of control at the park over a ball (we brought one between her and her brother and she was jealous we hadn't brought two) to the point she was hitting me, screaming almost being sick, foaming at the mouth... Surely this isn't 8 year old behaviour?
She can't wait for anything- is so impatient for anything. Argues with her brother all the time, is rude hitting him, getting angry for little things which she shouts and screams at, can't sleep if doesn't have melatonin.. panics and worries over things like bees.

I am not meaning how do I explain as I. To anyone else but to me. I just want to know what I'm dealing with!

I think where my worry has come from is that lots on here have said that they have had a dx of anxiety which turned out to be asd many years down the line and was the wrong dx it's all sounds so similar plus lots saying that it's hard to spot I'm girls and generally the lack of trust in Camhs I have,. Also the fact dd hides most of this from people so many cant see a problem I feel does t give accurate pictures to people assessing..

Not high risk but my dad and sister I have always struggled with and can see Asperger traits in and my son has sensory and speech delay too

Again i understand what you are saying but for me i seem to feel - and please don't flame me - if she is autistic that this is a
Life long disability and something i need to come to terms with whereas if she is anxious it maybe isn't going to be life
Long and maybe can be managed and even cured? I hope you understand but I think that's where my issue is I don't know what to come to terms with

Has she been seen by CAMHS?

I'm a little bit confused - has Camhs been offered to your dd? They would definitely be the best placed service to help with the anxiety. I know many people are suspicious of Camhs, but if anxiety has been diagnosed there are ways they can help - CBT and other coping strategies, even medication but that is usually offered as a last resort.
And I think yes, a person can be born anxious, or certainly born very vulnerable to anxiety. My oldest has a dx of anxiety, my other two do not.

Excuse the delay! Camhs did offer but never followd through with the plan I am unsure with them two as they have tried the blame game before and i dont like it. I try CBT too but it feels more than anxiety. She got so angry just as her brother was trying to tell her she had started her colouring book two days ago and she was adnament it was one. Both were beyond reason they hate being wrong, i thought she was going to stab him with the pencils!
she is always correcting him, what he says if he gets the detail or words wrong and that makes him worse too. its so hard to explain

I agree with polter about getting in touch with The Lorna Wing Centre. They diagnosed my dd,( now 13), last year. Prior to dx I read so much about Aspergers and veered between wondering if she had it all or being convinced absolutely that she had. The LWC are experts at identifying the less obvious cases and I would say that if they can't find it then it probably isn't there.

FWIW my dd's main problem is anxiety. She doesn't go to school due to school refusal and finds it very difficult to go to many places. She is also demand avoidant and becomes impossible to handle when she is very anxious; it can be impossible to reason with her logic and she continually moves the goalposts when I try to talk about her problems. Your gut instinct is telling you something. I think you should listen to it.

Thanks will get onto it

I'm part of a private diagnostic team. We assess people of all ages, stages and gender - however by default we seem to have become rather specialised in assessing girls.

On reflection, lots of these girls have either been given a 'no' diagnosis by CAMHS (often because they didn't meet criteria on ADOS - or sometimes because they DID meet criteria but somebody on the team conducted a school visit and watched from afar then concluded that they had appropriate friendships).

Also, they often don't get as far as going onto the ASD pathway because they don't get past the screening stage. Lots of girls on the spectrum present with very subtle traits - for example 'socially acceptable' obsessions that don't stand out as unusual unless you consider the degree of the obsession rather then the subject of the obsession.

I agree with other posters saying that perhaps your DD doesn't have autism because she may have standalone anxiety (or other issues). But I have to say when I read your post, I thought she had lots of red flags - judging by my own experience of diagnosing girls.

She may well have been given a 'no diagnosis' twice - but unless she's been seen by a team specialising in picking up girls, I'd be dubious. Sometimes one team will have taken into consideration the views of the other team, too - when I review paperwork as part of referral, I often see opinions biased by previous assessment and a seed of doubt sown about the parents which seems to influence subsequent assessors.

I also agree that referral to the Lorna Wing would be helpful because they will use the DISCO assessment. I trained at Lorna Wing and we find this assessment most helpful in diagnosing girls.

To the best of my knowledge, the Elizabeth Newson Centre specialises in PDA (and lots of girls have this on the spectrum) but they are 'full' and not accepting referrals at the moment.

Good luck with getting to the bottom of it - it's incredibly frustrating and worrying a process to be going through.