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Original poster

I can't cope any more [sad]

67 replies

PeachyClair · 04/01/2007 20:45

I just don't know what to do. Sam has spent another full day in meltdown. he tried to break ds2's hand earlier, he tried to COOK ds3 yesterday (we haev the cooker isolayted though so not possible). he growls, bites, snarls all the time . He has taught ds3 to piss on me by clapping when it happned as an acidnet, he spits at me if I go near. Dh can't help, his intervention doesn't have its normal effect and he's at work anyway. we cannot go out without him biting someone, or runninga way and if we do we get insults thrown at us for not stopping him crawling, snarling or whatever. I even had to interrupt writing this post because DS2 was screaming as DS1 had broken into his room and was acting like an animal, pouncing and growling.

I know there are other awful things on here tonight and I'll probably get yelled for posting this but I am in tears, feel despearte and just don't know what to do.

He attacked 3 times whilst this was written

OP posts:
wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 04/01/2007 20:50

I don't have anything useful to say but didn't want this to go unanswered (((hugs)))

TeeCee · 04/01/2007 20:55

No-one's gonna yell at you babes. I'm sat here in floods of tears for GGG and could only bear to click on a thread like this, in special needs, at this time.

I have absolutley no idea what to say to you, no way of helping, I'm just here to listen if you need me, xxx

MegaLegs · 04/01/2007 20:57

Oh Peachy - noone will yell at you. I have no experience in this department but wanted to let you know we are listening. I'm sorry, as a user of the sn boards I feel I should know more about you and your situation.

SpookyMadMummy · 04/01/2007 20:58

Oh peachy... have a (((hug)))
DD1 has a streak like your son... so I know.. kind of... how you feel.
If you want to chat on MSn feel free to add me...sewing mad [email protected] (delete spaces keep lines)
(((hugs to you)))

2shoes · 04/01/2007 21:21

can't offer advice but can send loads of cyber hugs.

brandy7 · 04/01/2007 21:24

oh peachy poor you and i dont think that other thread about autism helped you did it. no advice, hugs though and hope sam will settle later for you and you get some rest or is that not likely to happen

Original poster
PeachyClair · 04/01/2007 21:49

I've just got baxk- i the meantime, I sam used his youngest brothers head as a battering ram on a closed door; bit me ; pinched me; smasshed up my room; kicked me in the head; puta carrier bag over my head and tried to strangle me.

We can't do this, he's going to kill us. He TRIED to kill us. he's 7 now, what about 18?

OP posts:
brandy7 · 04/01/2007 21:51

omg peachy! is this a meltdown that ive heard about or is this normal for sam?

Original poster
PeachyClair · 04/01/2007 21:54

its the worst meltdown he's had.

he's as if nothing happened now, although his brothers and I were badly sdhaken- at one point I was screaming in fear down the phone to Dh who couldn't get down to us as he is imany miles away at work, as he came at me with a heavy torch.

Im being silly I know.

OP posts:
SpookyMadMummy · 04/01/2007 21:58

Peachy,... you are not being silly... this is a big thing happening to you all and you are quite right to be concerned about this behaviour...

Soapbox · 04/01/2007 21:59

Peachy - that sounds horrible

I know nothing about Sn, but what are you supposed to do, when he gets like this?

You need to protect your other children and yourself, but how are you supposed to do that - especially when, as you say, he will get bigger and stronger with time.

Is there a route where you could medicate when he gets like this, so that the worst of a full blown meltdown is staved off a bit?

brandy7 · 04/01/2007 22:02

peachy i dont know what tosay to help you. will he evnetually fall asleep, he must get so exhausted and awful for the rest of the family. i moan about my eldests boys normal teen tantrums but i just cant imagine how it must be managing sams meltdowns

Original poster
PeachyClair · 04/01/2007 22:02

hes Ok now, right back down. doesn't seem to get what he did wrong, tho I did get a brief hug. SS won't give us help as they don't recognise HFA as a Sn around here.

OP posts:
QueenEagle · 04/01/2007 22:04

peachy - I don't know what to say but wanted to post something. ds3 has mega tantrums and I know how hard they are - your ds's are tons worse by the sounds of it so it's understandable you feel helpless and miserable.

Wanted to say thanks too for posting your support on my thread.

Original poster
PeachyClair · 04/01/2007 22:05

Soapy there is medication but the Paed won't prescribe it. We buy it but its quite expensive and the sources- well unless I can get it where I know where its from i don't feel so comfortable, you cant get it in a pharmacy, only on E-bay. Its called melatonin, its a normal hormone that asd kids often lack, it is the hormone that makes you feel tired when it gets dark. Sam doesn't really sleep you see, its been after midnight this week. I find that if I give a half dose it calms him too, like a sedative.

OP posts:
brandy7 · 04/01/2007 22:06

oh im glad hes settled now peachy. try not to sit and ponder on the evenings events or you wont get any rest. is dh home soon, at least you wont feel so alone then

Original poster
PeachyClair · 04/01/2007 22:12

dh comes home at 5.30 am, I am trying to get ast it- need choocy LOL but on a diet and determined not to give in.

badly shaken actually. Used to meltdowns, not like this. I'm going to have to make sure SS give DS a place on the summer scheme this year.

OP posts:
luckylady74 · 04/01/2007 22:19

peachyclair - my heart goes out to you - what an awful situation. My son has aspergers and i have had moments when i've sobbed on the floor with my other 2 thinking how on earth can i handle being pissed on/bitten/headbutted and so on. Thankfully we've had a 2 weeks of just talking about it rather than doing it - still mortifying with the the general public but less dangerous! No advice except isolating him in a room if possible to give yourself a minute's breath-i'm afraid, but much sympathy.

brandy7 · 04/01/2007 22:26

peachy, have a cup of tea and try and relax or the alternative have a large alcoholic drink. i hope sam sleeps all night for you and that you get some rest.

hope youre not sitting there and getting upset,ireally do feel for you and offering you no advice at all

Jimjams2 · 04/01/2007 22:55

Peachy- do you have social services help? I only ask because I'm currently applying for them to fund a safespace (I know I go on about them all the time), but it strikes me that it could be somewhere you could put Sam to calm down where he can't hurt himself or his siblings. It takes forever (of course- social bloody services), but it might help.

Ask for a referal to a clinical psych as well- I doubt she/he'll be able to tell you anything new, but it helps to be recognised by the system when you're applying for stuff.

Original poster
PeachyClair · 04/01/2007 23:02

SS don't 'do' HFA here JimJams, we don't qualify, also the house is rented so we can't do anything to it (we lost our house years back, long story but partly related- dh got too ill to work from lack of sleep / stress which caused severe depression but anyway)

OP posts:
Jimjams2 · 04/01/2007 23:06

Safespaces are completely removeable- they don't alter the house at all- think of a tent errected inside a room.

How about applying to a charity. David And Victoria Beckhams might fund you (they're my next port of call after SS), or maybe the Eliefar foundation.

Original poster
PeachyClair · 04/01/2007 23:18

have you got a link to anywhere that sows them jimjams?

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Fubsy · 04/01/2007 23:29

Sorry I cant help Peachy, but I felt so angry when you said your SS dont "do" HFA. What the hell does it matter what the label is its how a person IS that matters.

From some of the threads Ive read, (and personal experience unfortunately) any diagnosis seems to be ptretty arbitrary anyway, and depends on who you saw, and what label they fancied sticking on your child at the time. Im sorry, that doesnt help, but I get really mad with paeds who bung a label on a kid then the parents think it means they will get treatment X and it will all go away.

Surely SS need to re-examine their policies and address peoples needs rather than their labels

Fubsy · 04/01/2007 23:35

Oh and Jimjams, what is a safespace? Just wondered in case it was something I could recommend to a family.

I spoke to someone yesterday who had got a beach wheelchair through the Beckhams organisation - before that Id never heard of it. They sound worth contacting - the person i spoke to had been contacted personally by Victorias Mum, and found them very helpful after they had been let down by another charity.