Aaaaand into school refusal we go! :-(

[Ineedmorepatience]

We have been trying to avoid this and have repeatedly told the school that not supporting Dd3 properly would lead to school refusal!

So they have repeatedly ignored us and allowed her to fall apart!!

Nightmare! [ sad]

It will be a medal tomorrow polter if I can get through the meeting without either shouting or swearing at somebody!! Its getting harder each time!!

Ineedmorepatience sorry to hear this. My dd is dyslexic and really struggles with school. or so it seems. She has had two days off so far this term and we are not yet a month into it.

She always has an 'illness' but basically getting her in once she has decided is impossible.

She has a fair bit of time off and getting her into school is hard sometimes.

You have my sympathy.

My dd is Year 5 and I am worried about high school, I am not sure how she will cope with being where she needs to be with correct items etc. I am sensing it is going to be a huge problem for her.

I did a diary of the best and worst things about the school day (always best first ) and typed verbatim what DS1 said on the run up to tribunal when DS1 was still in school.

EOTAS is far more complex but, unfortunately, actual, rather than predicted, failure is the 'benchmark'. As far as I am aware, full time education is only required following exclusion. If a child can't attend because of 'stress' (GP can't officially sign off - need a hospital doctor) then the child gets 5 hours per week. Plus expect the hounds of hell to be released. But, 3rd time around, we had a fantastic tutor who put her job on the line and refused to play the LA game and provided a statement to tribunal that DS1 could not cope with m/s.

Good Luck Ineed. if dc wants to keep a diary then would it work to just record it - voice or video whichever she prefers?

If they start promising stuff make them put a timetable on it, and a person responsible for each item.

How about going in with a blank table to complete with headings like
Action, To be done by, Date for completion. Even if it is only you who is filling it in, you can send all the people on the to-do list a copy the next day.

You may have to drill down - if they say something like 'all staff to be aware of stims' write down who will take charge of telling them, how they will capture new staff and supply staff, how they will check that they remember a term later and whether you will get a chance to approve the description of the stims.

Above all, the LA will be hopping mad if they don't get this right now, as full time 1 to 1 tutors will cost the LA the earth - and they won't know that the LA will have to cough up for that, but you do....

So drop that in to give them an incentive!

Good luck with the meeting. Surely after this they will no longer be able to maintain their stance of no problems.

Well, we will see one !! I am taking the SALT report from the SA which I bet no one has seen I have highlighted (in bright pink) all her areas of difficulty and what they should be doing to support her!! Last ditch attempt!!

Well as expected they just made out that staff had followed procedure and they couldnt understand why Dd3 feels like she didnt know what was happening!! So she had to sit there with 6 adults in the room and hear them saying that basically she is not telling the truth!!

I asked the HOY to go with her to the teacher and work through the issue otherwise she is going to school refuse every time she is timetabled to be with him!They said why didnt you suggest that we could have done it on Tuesday!! Fgs!! I am trying to get my autistic school refuser to school and get to work and do your jobs for you!!

I said I wanted every staff member to have a copy of the highlighted SALT report . They said it is on the school system but that they will send it round again.

Anyway she went in ok and we will see what happens!

'Well as expected they just made out that staff had followed procedure and they couldnt understand why Dd3 feels like she didnt know what was happening!! So she had to sit there with 6 adults in the room and hear them saying that basically she is not telling the truth!!'

Okay, so the ONE explanation you have for her behaviour is denied to be possible. What was THEIR reason then?

Not a clue star !! I know for a fact, if she had been in trouble and told she was getting a detention on Monday she would have melted down on Monday night! Not Tuesday morning when the email came!!

I just feel sorry for her!! It must have really upset her to sit there and listen to that!!

Once again she is blamed for school refusing because she has not understood what it going on and I am blamed for not telling them how to do their jobs in order to prevent the school refusal!!

It just about sums up our relationship with the education system!!

I cant wait to pick her up, I just hope she hasnt been upset all day again like she was on Tuesday!!

She cannot be blamed for school-refusing. That is just absurd.

Write to them giving them her reason for not being able to attend school. Confirm that she had to hear 6 professionals undermine her explanation, and then ask them outright, that if they are denying that to be the reason, what explanation are they therefore giving. Ask for the response in writing.

Do you know what star I know you are right! But I will wait and see what she says when she comes home! If she is still upset I will but if the HOY has helped her sort it out, I might just let it go and see if we can get him on side to help a bit more!!

But my guts are telling me not to accept this anymore!!

For sure Ineed It's all very easy for me to make cannonballs for you to fire but no-one will be firing back at ME will they?

Hope you figure it out.

HA!! I like that

Yes I hope we figure it out too because that is the sad part, Dd3 actually wants to be there, she likes it!! But she becomes overwhelmed very quickly and they are not spotting the signs or even admitting that she is struggling!!

I have a feeling this maybe a long journey!

The HOY didnt take her!!

feeling for you ineed. I know you can draft emails but here is the only gift I can send and I hope it makes you feel better

'dear HoY My dd says that you have not yet had a chance to organise the promised session we discussed between you, dd and x.
Could you let me know when you will do this, as it would help dd, and me, to have an exact date and time in this very stressful period. I assume that,with dd's distress now leading to school refusal, that this will be as soon as possible and certainly in the first half of next week. I am concerned that, if we do not hurry, dd will refuse to go to school for an extended period and leaving the LA to provide care and full time home tuition'

Only ugger can do an ugger-translation, but roughly it translates as
'You bastards have already broken your word but I am on your case.
Give me an exact date and time for Monday or Tuesday, or you will be responsible for a downpour of manure from everything and everyone I can find whilst I come up smelling like roses who have benefitted from a great feed of nutrients'

Really hope this helps

I have a child who needs a nappy changing. Tell me the school and I'll stick it straight in the post.

Thanks all, I know I should use the term unable to attend school due to anxiety but it doesnt roll off the tongue when I am stressed!! I will try harder.

senvet I will use that email thanks, I will change it to monday though as she has the teacher who upset her on Tuesday! And I can see more stress if she hasnt been able to work through this!

LoL ouryve If you dont mind I wont name the school! They are already starting to hate me and we have only done one term!!

Right I will go and compose an email so the HOY can have a friday night MNSN treat