Another silly thread. What professionals would say if questioned under the influence of truth drug....

[StarkAndWitchesWillFindYou]

Sorry, I have no idea what visual timetables are for but it is the only thing I know how to do - autism advisory teacher

We set your IEP in secret because otherwise we might have to do something to raise our expectations of him - SENCo

I know your ds has autism but I can't diagnose because there are no resources to refer you to so come back in 6 months and we'll try again - paed.

I am not sorry I f*** you and your child about whilst you tried to secure provision for him. It is my job to save money and if I don't I get the sack!!

I should have done a proper assessment on your son for his stat assessment. I was too busy though so cobbled it together from year old information on file. - SALT

The early intervention is the parenting course. There is no early intervention directly available for your DS as nothing works on autism. Paediatrician - (didn't need truth drug though this is what he said).

Why on earth should i bother to return your calls when you're perfectly capable of googling it for yourself.

While we know that you and the school have many reasons for requesting 1:1 (for the past 3 years), we will continue to tell you you're all doing GREAT because we don't want to part with the cash. - Ed. Dept.

You know your child has autism. I know your child has autism. I'm not going to admit that your child has autism because I might be the reason we exceed the quota of children who qualify for a statutory assessment this year.

Oh B*Y H*L I didn't mean to answer the phone to you!

I dont see your child has ASD because I may be a SENCO but have no idea how to spot ASD- SENCO DD2

Im a sad and angry person so going to make things difficult for you - most proffessioanls!

Oh gawd I'm crying!

I should have never dropped you like a hot brick...i knew... You knew... And it's bitten me in the bum and I don't want to be accountable to you.. So I'll pass you on to a collegue.

Oh god why won't that arsenic go awayyyyyyyyy!

Shhhhhh... She's here again... And the file is bigger than mine!... Don't say anything... Don't look her in the eye for gawds sake.

Poo I recognise that handwriting on that letter.. What is it nowwwww

Oh - there's some nice ones too...

I'm convinced the odd (!) SW and community nurse has thought, 'Bloody Hell, I don't know how you cope!'

Ok you are right Mrs 2shoes.
we are trying to send you lovely dd to a totally unsuitable 6th form college to save money, all the crap about meeting her needs is just that, we know they are best met where she is, but come on that costs more.

god shes crying AGAIN!

Why won't this woman just pull her head in and be grateful for the provision we think is adequate for her child?

I am trying to look like I care but I hate my job and I want to take early retirement and run a tea shop/write a novel/go travelling

I know you've waited 9 months for this appointment and I'm the only person who can support your request for decent educational provision for your child but please will you hurry up and leave so I can have my LUNCH!

Am I supposed to be teaching / caring / assessing your child?

I can't be arsed to dx your kid cos it's got red hair and a squint

Do you realise that while I'm sitting here trying to find out what's wrong with that weirdo you've bred i could actually have been at international ASD conferences discussing my pet theories with other like-minded professionals.

With parents like those you can esaily see it's an inherited condition.

What's this asparagus they keep banging on about. Why are they making so much bloody fuss about something that's just a vegetable {confused]

Can i keep this assessment process going long enough without giving a dx / Statment so the kid reaches 16 and can be passed to Adult Services - and away from me.

This will hurt.

I wish you would wind you neck in and just teach your Son these symbols, even though they are far too advanced for the communication stage he is at - First SALT.

I will recommend parenting classes for you because if I an put you at fault it wont be mine - GP

I dont believe your DS has ASD, you are just a bad parent who does everything for him - GP again (though he has actually said this to me)

I don't give a fuck about your child. All I care about is my own job and the on-paper reputation of my department. You can all go and hang yourselves for all I care.
(pretty much NHS and LEA professional we've encountered, unfortunately).

You will be very relieved to hear that I am willing to recommend that you child has X, Y and Z support put in place as I believe it is crucial fro her development - unless the school ask me to say something different in which case I will completely forget we had this conversation recommend what they want.

Its obvious to me that your child has ASD however school don't see it so I'd better not trust my own professional opinion that I spent years training for and give your child a diagnosis...

Great thread!

I can think of a few things that would have been said to me earlier this year, when I was fighting tooth and nail to get my DS diagnosed, sort a statement for him etc.

Headteacher: I thought I was a hard-faced, stubborn, bitch, but you, lady, are something else!

SENCo: Fuck, you know more than me about the DDA / SEN Cop / your rights under law. Stop making me look incompetent in front of myLEA mates other professionals, bitch!

SALT: I haven't a fucking clue what to do with your DS, but if I keep banging on about vvisual timetables and social stories long enough hopefully you will stop bothering me.

LEA Exclusions Officer: Fuck off! Fuck the fuck off! Stop ringing me and emailing me and quoting legislation at me and CC-ing in my fucking BOSS with your rants that makeme look like an incompetent fool!

Faaamily - I think you are living my life!

Teacher - I know I said DS has never done this before until you came in to the class on a parents' visit (i.e. lie on the floor , legs in the air, eating his laces and not listening to anything that was going on) but what I meant was...fffffuuuuuucccckkkkkk....she's seen it ....I usually just ignore iit as we're used to it.....fffuuuucckkkk

EP - jesus christ, please stop banging on about a spiky cognitive profile and sending me research on improving working memory - don't you know the LA line is 'poor little autistic boy, he's achieving as much as he can, and school are very kind to him'

OT - oh, yoou''ve been to GOSH and got a diagnosis of Ehlers Danlos>? Now, when I said there is nothng you can do about hypermobility and that he definitely doesn't have Ehlers Danlos, I meant how the bollocky toss would I know anything about stuff like that, you should go and speak to a bloody specialist. We're a district hospital and we pretend to offer a service so the PCT doesn't have to pay for out of area referrals.

SALT - visual timetables, social storiies, pictures of faces anyone??? It's all I got and I'm a fucking specialist ASD SALT

LOL

excellent thread. its not just our (dont) care team obviously.

oh, i've thought on one!

SALT - i hate kids and have no idea what to do with yours especially, so can we make any home visits when he's at nursery?

EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST - i hate you and your entire family and am going to let the entire population of the small town you live in know it.

THE ENTIRE CARE TEAM - confidentiality? never heard of it.