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Original poster

Childcare nightmares

32 replies

Bob345 · 29/10/2026 22:56

My LO is just 2 years old. Has always been a high sleep need child. Currently needs 14 hours and when with me sleeps for two hours in the day and 12 at night. Has just started nursery where they only have nap time from 1-2pm. Their sleep policy states that they will not try and force a child to sleep or wake a sleeping child up and that they adhere to each child’s individual sleep needs…
My LO struggles to be awake for more than 6 hours, and usually naps at 11.30 for two hours.
Their nap time is 1pm so I knew we would have some troubles when she started but thought we could adjust and seeing as their policy says what it does I thought it would be OK they would put her down earlier. They won’t. I’ve spoken with them about it everyday this week and they have still put her down at 1pm. Due to daylight savings she has woken up at 5am everyday this week so was awake for 8 hours before they napped. Slept for 45mins each day which I thought was weird but you know. New setting and all. Then today I asked if they could try and put her down earlier again as the deprivation is catching up to her now and she’s very emotional and easily upset. Said they tried and said she wouldn’t so fair enough. Then said they got her to sleep at 1.30. I saw on the app she woke up at 2 again. Then find out today that they woke her up…
I get that they have ratios they need to keep and stuff and so a staff member with sleeping children when others are awake is an issue but it seems so cruel to wake a toddler up who clearly needs the sleep? I feel so guilty she has to go there as it is and now shes not getting what she needs it’s just heartbreaking.
has anyone else been through similar? Will she just adapt to this?

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 29/10/2026 23:03

Thankfully your child is in a day nursery and not a nursery attached to a school, as our local Primary school nursery takes children from their 2nd birthday and they do not have naps.

Overthebow · 29/10/2026 23:05

Nurseries do usually have set times for naps in the toddler room as otherwise the children will miss lunch with everyone and also they often nap on mats in the room. I would question them waking her up though as it goes against their policy, ask them why they did this.

Original poster
Bob345 · 30/10/2026 04:49

It is a nursery attached to a school. I’m guessing it will be the same here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bob345 · 30/10/2026 04:54

It’s all a numbers game. They likely wake them up because they can’t keep a member of staff sat with them whilst they sleep due to ratios. It’s not the nursery staffs fault but it makes me so angry that our children aren’t getting their basic needs met because it doesn’t work with the system. This country is f*ed.

OP posts:
Overthebow · 30/10/2026 06:53

Bob345 · 30/10/2026 04:54

It’s all a numbers game. They likely wake them up because they can’t keep a member of staff sat with them whilst they sleep due to ratios. It’s not the nursery staffs fault but it makes me so angry that our children aren’t getting their basic needs met because it doesn’t work with the system. This country is f*ed.

Oh, yes if it’s a school nursery they likely won’t have much nap time if at all. They’re more like the stepping stone before school rather than a nursery for younger children. I don’t think I’d send my 2 year old to one j less it had a dedicated toddler room as the difference between a 2 year old and an almost 4 year old is big. My 2 year old goes to a private nursery and will go to school nursery the year before he starts school.

Original poster
Bob345 · 30/10/2026 08:18

Overthebow · 30/10/2026 06:53

Oh, yes if it’s a school nursery they likely won’t have much nap time if at all. They’re more like the stepping stone before school rather than a nursery for younger children. I don’t think I’d send my 2 year old to one j less it had a dedicated toddler room as the difference between a 2 year old and an almost 4 year old is big. My 2 year old goes to a private nursery and will go to school nursery the year before he starts school.

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They have a dedicated toddler room. They just don’t do what their policy says regarding sleep. I’d stay at home with her if I could but I can’t and I’ve already moved her from another setting due to her emotional wellbeing. A place that she hasn’t been to now for three weeks and she still wakes up everyday and tells me she doesn’t want to go there.

OP posts:
Arbourimage · 30/10/2026 08:23

If the 2 year old needs to much sleep why is the wake up time 5am? What time are you doing bedtime in the evening?
Unless a child literally falls asleep a nursery setting is not going to do a separate nap time and make an effort to get a child to fall asleep outside the nap time. They have ratios to work on, one workers doing nap time for one child in a separate space is unsafe for the rest of the children.
I’ve never heard of a nursery that did nap time at 1-2, the vast majority of childcare settings I’ve ever come across all do nap 12-2pm and winding down from 11:45 so you could switch settings but it’s a lot of disruption just to make a 2 year old nap for longer when they will be naturally reducing their sleep needs going forward anyway.

Arbourimage · 30/10/2026 08:25

Bob345 · 30/10/2026 04:54

It’s all a numbers game. They likely wake them up because they can’t keep a member of staff sat with them whilst they sleep due to ratios. It’s not the nursery staffs fault but it makes me so angry that our children aren’t getting their basic needs met because it doesn’t work with the system. This country is f*ed.

It was your choice to use a preschool setting with higher ratios though. You could use a nanny if you wanted one on one care, or a find a specific childminder with less children. It’s not “the country” forcing anything on you.

Hatetagsinclothes · 30/10/2026 08:31

Other nurseries aren’t all like this so I would move her if it is that much of an issue.

LumpkinPumpkin · 30/10/2026 08:37

Arbourimage · 30/10/2026 08:25

It was your choice to use a preschool setting with higher ratios though. You could use a nanny if you wanted one on one care, or a find a specific childminder with less children. It’s not “the country” forcing anything on you.

Show quote history

Yes, or even a private nursery. My kids’ nursery would let them sleep as long as they needed. I think this is a lack or research/understanding before committing

Original poster
Bob345 · 30/10/2026 08:40

Arbourimage · 30/10/2026 08:23

If the 2 year old needs to much sleep why is the wake up time 5am? What time are you doing bedtime in the evening?
Unless a child literally falls asleep a nursery setting is not going to do a separate nap time and make an effort to get a child to fall asleep outside the nap time. They have ratios to work on, one workers doing nap time for one child in a separate space is unsafe for the rest of the children.
I’ve never heard of a nursery that did nap time at 1-2, the vast majority of childcare settings I’ve ever come across all do nap 12-2pm and winding down from 11:45 so you could switch settings but it’s a lot of disruption just to make a 2 year old nap for longer when they will be naturally reducing their sleep needs going forward anyway.

The fact that you’ve never heard of a nursery that does naptime 1-2 is irrelevant since that’s what this nursery does. If they had the nap schedule you just described, there would be no issue here since that’s our home schedule.

Not sure if you are aware that children don’t just sleep when they need to and if they’re awake it means they’re not tired? If it did parents wouldn’t be pulling their hair out over sleep. When they get too tired their bodies flood their system with adrenaline and cortisol to keep them awake, since it thinks that the reason they are not sleeping must be because it’s unsafe, they then find it difficult to sleep when they are able because they have adrenaline and cortisol in their system. Thus perpetuating the sleep deficit, causing them issues with emotional regulation and lowered immune systems.

I’m not asking the setting to adhere to her exact routine at home. I’m asking that they stick to their own policy, and to not wake her up when she is sleeping.

Thanks for your input.

OP posts:
Arbourimage · 30/10/2026 08:40

LumpkinPumpkin · 30/10/2026 08:37

Yes, or even a private nursery. My kids’ nursery would let them sleep as long as they needed. I think this is a lack or research/understanding before committing

Show quote history

Yes ours did too. But then the other half of the parents complain that the nursery won’t wake their child up as they want them tired for a 7pm bedtime! Sometimes they can’t win.
The schedule and care is never going to replicate the routine at home though, some flex will always be needed.

Arbourimage · 30/10/2026 08:44

Bob345 · 30/10/2026 08:40

The fact that you’ve never heard of a nursery that does naptime 1-2 is irrelevant since that’s what this nursery does. If they had the nap schedule you just described, there would be no issue here since that’s our home schedule.

Not sure if you are aware that children don’t just sleep when they need to and if they’re awake it means they’re not tired? If it did parents wouldn’t be pulling their hair out over sleep. When they get too tired their bodies flood their system with adrenaline and cortisol to keep them awake, since it thinks that the reason they are not sleeping must be because it’s unsafe, they then find it difficult to sleep when they are able because they have adrenaline and cortisol in their system. Thus perpetuating the sleep deficit, causing them issues with emotional regulation and lowered immune systems.

I’m not asking the setting to adhere to her exact routine at home. I’m asking that they stick to their own policy, and to not wake her up when she is sleeping.

Thanks for your input.

Show quote history

It’s not irrelevant, it’s pointing out to you that many childcare settings, arguably the majority of them do an earlier nap time so you aren’t forced to use this setting if it doesn’t suit you.

You seem overly obsessed with your child’s sleep, it’s a very PFB symptom but in no time at all your child will not be napping. Their sleep will ebb and flow and they will not nap for the same amount of time predictably every day, and no it doesn’t mean their system is “flooded with cortisol and adrenaline” it means they are an older toddler not a baby.

MCF86 · 30/10/2026 08:52

She will adapt to it given time, I'd probably try and shift the home routine up more in line with theirs for consistency otherwise it'll be a battle every holidays/return to school.

They should be following their own policies though. If they can't past a certain time or something, that needs to be reflected in what they are telling parents when they join.

Original poster
Bob345 · 30/10/2026 09:02

Arbourimage · 30/10/2026 08:25

It was your choice to use a preschool setting with higher ratios though. You could use a nanny if you wanted one on one care, or a find a specific childminder with less children. It’s not “the country” forcing anything on you.

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It’s not this country forcing me to do anything no, but my options are limited and we had a childminder but she was being shouted for developmentally appropriate behaviour, amongst other concerning things, and she didn’t like going there, so we had to remove her. There are not many other options where we live and give their policies and the meetings we had with them this place seemed like the best fit. Their policies do not align with their actions.

My comment about the country is that this is not an isolated issue and that childcare is highly underfunded and understaffed. So they’ve had to make it work in the safest way they can but they are not running in a way that is optimal for children and I feel that in the very small about of time that children are children for, everything should be optimal for them. Sleep is a basic need.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bob345 · 30/10/2026 09:08

Arbourimage · 30/10/2026 08:44

It’s not irrelevant, it’s pointing out to you that many childcare settings, arguably the majority of them do an earlier nap time so you aren’t forced to use this setting if it doesn’t suit you.

You seem overly obsessed with your child’s sleep, it’s a very PFB symptom but in no time at all your child will not be napping. Their sleep will ebb and flow and they will not nap for the same amount of time predictably every day, and no it doesn’t mean their system is “flooded with cortisol and adrenaline” it means they are an older toddler not a baby.

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I don’t have the option to move my child.
Im not obsessed with sleep, I am seeing the detriment that too little sleep is having on my child in real time. If my child was getting through their day with no impact, great, but they’re not. I can’t wait for the day they don’t need as much sleep, but right now they need more than they are getting. It’s as simple as that. My child is suffering, and I want to do everything I can to alleviate it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bob345 · 30/10/2026 09:24

MCF86 · 30/10/2026 08:52

She will adapt to it given time, I'd probably try and shift the home routine up more in line with theirs for consistency otherwise it'll be a battle every holidays/return to school.

They should be following their own policies though. If they can't past a certain time or something, that needs to be reflected in what they are telling parents when they join.

Thank you for being the only person that actually responded to my post with an answer to my question, which was essentially ‘Will this be OK?’

I do plan to change the home schedule.

OP posts:
Goldenmimx · 30/10/2026 09:28

This would really stress me out OP. My DD is similar. At home she’d happily nap for 2 hours plus. When she started at 14 months she still needed two naps a day and ordinarily she would have napped at 11 for first nap but nursery had nap time as 1. She did adapt but it was bumpy. They’d never wake her though and so she usually has about an hour and a half and I have seen children napping before the usual nap window.

I would definitely say something about your situation but appreciate you have already. Given that it’s early days at the new setting could you consider alternatives? I appreciate it’s really stressful and disruptive to do so but I completely agree with you that a lot of 2 year olds still need a decent chunk of day time sleep to be happy and healthy

EmeraldShamrock000 · 30/10/2026 09:33

It is unusual for a toddler to have a two hour day time nap. I don’t think mine ever sleep in the day as toddlers. They didn’t need much sleep.
She will get used to it.

Original poster
Bob345 · 30/10/2026 09:46

Thank you. I’m sorry you went through similar. It’s just heartbreaking to see them struggle.

Im really happy with everything else at the setting, they’re really lovely and my child loves going there. It’s good to know that your child eventually adapted, brings me hope. I’m just a stressed out mama who wants nothing more than her child to be happy and healthy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bob345 · 30/10/2026 09:47

Goldenmimx · 30/10/2026 09:28

This would really stress me out OP. My DD is similar. At home she’d happily nap for 2 hours plus. When she started at 14 months she still needed two naps a day and ordinarily she would have napped at 11 for first nap but nursery had nap time as 1. She did adapt but it was bumpy. They’d never wake her though and so she usually has about an hour and a half and I have seen children napping before the usual nap window.

I would definitely say something about your situation but appreciate you have already. Given that it’s early days at the new setting could you consider alternatives? I appreciate it’s really stressful and disruptive to do so but I completely agree with you that a lot of 2 year olds still need a decent chunk of day time sleep to be happy and healthy

Thank you. I’m sorry you went through similar. It’s just heartbreaking to see them struggle.

Im really happy with everything else at the setting, they’re really lovely and my child loves going there. It’s good to know that your child eventually adapted, brings me hope. I’m just a stressed out mama who wants nothing more than her child to be happy and healthy.

OP posts:
Bitzee · 30/10/2026 09:51

DD slept 2 hours a day at nursery until well over 3 years old. And 12 hours at night. Nap time was also fixed at 1pm. I don’t think it’s unusual at all! I don’t get your point about childcare being unstaffed though or how that’s relevant. DD’s American daycare managed to get them all sleep for 2 hours and they were at way higher ratios than the UK. Isn’t it easier for staff if they’re all asleep?! But that aside, I would forget about asking them to put them down earlier. It’s not reasonable or realistic- they’ll be doing activities and then serving lunch. I would keep at them to not wake her up before 3pm and to let her sleep. That’s a perfectly reasonable ask. Fix your routine at home and get a groclock maybe to stop the 5am wakes. If she needs 12 hours at night it should be 7-7 then she won’t struggle to get through to 1 before napping.

Thunderdcc · 30/10/2026 10:46

When my two first started nursery they would nap for 3 hours on a Friday to catch up.

Our nursery put them all out on sleeping mats in the main area. Then as they woke up they would slide the still sleeping ones to the edge. If they were tired enough they would sleep through whatever was going on in the afternoon.

It sounds like the problem is the separate sleeping area? A nursery without that might work better for you.

Goldenmimx · 30/10/2026 14:24

Bob345 · 30/10/2026 09:47

Thank you. I’m sorry you went through similar. It’s just heartbreaking to see them struggle.

Im really happy with everything else at the setting, they’re really lovely and my child loves going there. It’s good to know that your child eventually adapted, brings me hope. I’m just a stressed out mama who wants nothing more than her child to be happy and healthy.

Show quote history

I know the feeling. It will get better. And hopefully they stop forcing wake ups- that would really annoy me too. Maybe if they start to see the tiredness creeping up in the afternoon it will click for them to allow the nap to run its natural course. It’s good that you and LO are happy with the setting in every other way though

MCF86 · 30/10/2026 14:27

Bob345 · 30/10/2026 09:24

Thank you for being the only person that actually responded to my post with an answer to my question, which was essentially ‘Will this be OK?’

I do plan to change the home schedule.

Show quote history

People do like to ignore the question if it means they can have a pop at an OP!
For extra reassurance, albeit anecdotal, I used to work in a day nursery many moons ago. It was very inflexible with routines, they all ate/slept on the same schedule. I didn't love that, but do have to admit it would very rarely take long for children to settle into it.