Any suggestions for a 14-month-old waking hourly through the night since she was 3.5 months old?

[InkyWink]

Have a 14mo who wakes pretty much hourly from midnight until she's up for the day at 6am, or earlier(!)

Details:
-she is breastfed
-she sleeps in her cot and has done since birth
-the room is temperature controlled
-this has been going on since the 4 month sleep regression
-the sleep consultant I paid a lot of money for said to do cry it out, which I did, but my child lost her voice from crying and I felt it was wrong to continue
-she is not consoled by ANYTHING when she wakes, except being breastfed back to sleep. Not cuddles, rocking, co-sleeping, NOTHING
-she generally has a long lunchtime nap now, sometimes with a short one in the morning particularly if she was up very early

I haven't moved her to her own room as I'm up so very, very frequently to settle her. And just to reiterate, she will not co-sleep so this is not a solution,

I am so tired and run down, catching every bug around, and also worried that she is not getting the rest she needs.

Any suggestions?!

How well does she eat during the day? Mine were the same (except we bedshared) and eventually started sleeping longer and then finally through the night when I night weaned. If they hadn't eaten well in the day I'd offer an emergency banana but I made sure the banana was kept upstairs so no excitement about going to get it.

What time is her bedtime? Is she having a decent meal before bed?

Controversial but I would cut the breastfeeding. It’s obviously fine to breastfeed at that age but equally they don’t need it so if she’s waking hourly to feed in the night like a 4 day old baby I would be cutting it out for both your benefit.

She eats very well, both at home and nursery.

I have been thinking about stopping breastfeeding at least at night, but I worry I won't have anything to settle her with.

Have no idea how to stop breastfeeding, she seems much more interested in it than other babies her age we see at playgroups etc.

What actually happened when you did cry it out? What age was she?

In my experience they don’t accept other methods because you’re breastfeeding and they prefer that so they hold out.

It might be a tough couple of nights at first so do it when you don’t have loads on, maybe the tail end of the week and you and your DH can alternate a weekend lie in to catch up.
Your DH needs to be involved too. You’ve been up hourly until now BFing, my mum friends with the quickest success, me included, had dad go in more to do the settles when night weaning!

My dd woke hourly for 9 months and would latch on for comfort rather than food. I was exhausted. She never slept in her cot and wouldn’t have a dummy.
I made my mind up to wean her and on night 1 I decided I was only going to ‘feed’ her 8 times (!). The next night 7 and so on. I held her and rocked her the times I didn’t feed her. Within a fortnight she was weaned.
DH was away with work so I didn’t have to keep the bedroom quiet.

It’s the breastfeeding to settle that’s the problem

switch to pat to sleep and shel cry for ages but keep going and it will work eventually

controlled crying worked with my oldest but my second I patted him for ages instead as he was too upset

built to just being able to say goodnight and walk out now

I’m at nine months a similar position. Following for the comments.

We used to rock/cuddle our DD to sleep, and she'd wake up once or twice a night, in which we'd feed her then back off she went after a short cuddle..

Then after 12 months she went from that which was perfectly manageable, to taking at least 30 mins to fall asleep in our arms, then waking up after an hour and crying until we went up, then more rocking, feed etc, then awake again an hour later, I was working 10 hour days at the time and my DH was working nights, I was literally at breaking point and our DD was exhausted too.

I reluctantly did cry it out at 13 months, I weighed up the options and felt cry it out was the one she would understand the most, rather than going in and leaving again etc, the first night she cried for 30 mins but then slept through the night, the next 5 nights were similar, but getting less time crying, last night was 40 mins crying before she gave up and then it just clicked, after that she went to sleep happy and woke up happy.

If she ever did wake up we'd give her a drink and she'd go straight back to sleep, she's been an awesome sleeper ever since and she's 5 now.. it was the best thing we ever did! But you have to commit to it or it won't work.

OP I had this with my son, although we did cosleep. He was still feeding throughout the night at 10
months, and it got to the stage where he couldn’t sleep at all without me right next to him. I had no life! So we night weaned with gentle sleep training. My husband did the first few nights and naps, and it involved putting my son in his cot and comforting with hand on chest and soothing noises until he calmed and slept. The first night was hard but once he’d calmed he slept for around 4 to 5 hours which he’d never done before! I didn’t want to leave him so the patting/comforting is what worked for us. There were huge sleep improvements within 2 to 3 nights. Within a week he was sleeping through the night till around 4am, when I would give him a short breastfeed and then put him back in his cot and he’d sleep another 2 to 3 hours. Soon after that he started sleeping right through. I carried on breastfeeding in the day and at bedtime until he was 2.

Good luck, I completely understand how hard it is.

i would consider a night bottle at this time, you need your sleep and so does your baby

How does she fall asleep? If you are feeding her to sleep on the boob then you need to stop this. As she will want the boob everytime she wakes. She needs to learn to self settle. I would feed in another room, then go into her room wind down, read books etc. Put her in her cot, if she cries leave her 5 mins and then go back in settle her by rocking and keep doing this until she falls asleep. I used the Little One app with my first and honestly it saved my life. Good luck

I'd move her into her own room and stop the overnight breastfeeding.

Do you have a DP? If so, send them in for all night wakings from now on. Stick to it. She will find another way to get to sleep.
If no DP, then you'll have to do it which will be harder, but just stay firm on the no bf between bedtime and breakfast. She will allow herself to be soothed by other methods once breastfeeding is no longer an option.

My two needed a supper. Used to eat a bowl of porridge before bed which kept them going.

See Lyndsey Hookway or Little Nest Sleep for sleep coaching that is evidence-based, supportive of breastfeeding if desired, and will make benefits to you both without any need to cry it out or be unresponsive. They are absolute specialists Take care of yourself, I know how hard it is

My little boy is the same. I stopped breastfeeding in Feb to try and help but it did not and he still does not sleep well although isn’t up hourly. He falls asleep in my bed between 730-8pm. I move him to his cot which is in our room (it was in his but it was a disaster of a night). He is then up anytime between 11 and 2. Tonight he has whinged twice but gone back to sleep with dummy in. Soon he will wake up and refuse to go back to sleep without coming in our bed and he’s in till the morning then. I can’t do cry it out as I have a 3 year old who would wake up too. Tbh I don’t think he would stop with the crying as he doesn’t if I have ever had to sort his brother in the day! He’s a nightmare and I don’t know how to stop it. Even in our bed he still whinges multiple times a night. So yeah… I feel for you. Luckily my other sleeps 12 hours and although he hasn’t always been a good sleeper he’s was never as bad as my youngest. I only commented to say it’s not always the breastfeeding that makes them wake constantly although I do think it puts them in that habit of waking up.

No advice, just solidarity. My DD (now 21 months) was exactly like this. She still wakes 2-4 times in the night, and will only be soothed with milk. If she doesn’t get it she cries inconsolably and wakes properly for ages.

We switched to a bottle so DP and I could do alternate nights with her. We still do. I know she will change and the night milk will end. Right now though it’s exhausting.

I know of other children exactly like this. Unless you’re willing to do some brutal sleep training (and I’m not convinced it even works on children like this, just damages them), it seems to be the luck of the draw.

I just don’t understand why anyone advises crying it out - it’s so cruel.

sleep deprivation is brutal and if even co-sleeping doesn’t work, that’s very tough. I think I agree with the poster who said stop breastfeeding - she may be waking up just for that.

She lost her voice!

I think you need to cut the breastfeeding. And probably go away for the first couple of days and let your DH deal with it. Her only way to comfort herself when she stirs is breastmilk.

I just don’t understand why anyone advises crying it out - it’s so cruel.

I used to think that too, until I realised that my DD just wanted me to be in the room with her no matter what, she would cry and cry if I wasn't there when she woke up, and wouldn't stop if my DH went in, but as soon as I went in she would stop crying immediately, let me cuddle her to sleep, which I did (used to take about 25 mins), but then she woke up an hour later and started crying again.. I used to have to work through the night at that stage, so couldn't just go to bed with her, the stress of it all was too much for me to let it go on, we were both miserable.

At some point you have to say no to your children, my DD was 13 months old and didn't understand why I couldn't be with her 24 hours a day, so you could say that any form of sleep training is "cruel", but at some point you have to allow them to learn how to settle themselves, I thought a slower, longer method would just be more confusing and upsetting for her, so chose the cry it out, within 5 days she was going to sleep happily on her own and waking up fully refreshed after a full nights sleep, she has been an amazing sleeper ever since, she just needed to learn how to do it, zero regrets.

Instead of two unhappy zombies, we became a happy mum and a happy child.. that's not cruel IMO.

I don't have any advice but had a very similar experience with my DD, so you have my complete sympathy. I don't know how I survived it. Bed sharing helped. She is 9 now and a great sleeper but does have sensory issues. I look back and wonder if that is what caused her sleep issues as a baby, because she couldn't communicate what she needed. So maybe worth looking at your DD's sleeping environment. My DD runs hot so needs a cooler room. And clothes she sleeps in have to be comfortable with no labels etc.

It's so good just to hear that other people have/have had the same issue. I feel quite alone as all the other mums I know have great sleepers.

I have put her to bed without feeding her to sleep. She's woken up and DH has been trying to settle her for about 45mins 😕

I don't want to do the wrong thing for her but I really am at breaking point with it all now.

Will she take a bottle? Mine only started sleeping for longer when she had a bottle at bed time. Full tummy with less effort. I think she would doze off while breastfeeding so didn’t take in enough to really satisfy her.