Any suggestions for a 14-month-old waking hourly through the night since she was 3.5 months old?

[InkyWink]

Have a 14mo who wakes pretty much hourly from midnight until she's up for the day at 6am, or earlier(!)

Details:
-she is breastfed
-she sleeps in her cot and has done since birth
-the room is temperature controlled
-this has been going on since the 4 month sleep regression
-the sleep consultant I paid a lot of money for said to do cry it out, which I did, but my child lost her voice from crying and I felt it was wrong to continue
-she is not consoled by ANYTHING when she wakes, except being breastfed back to sleep. Not cuddles, rocking, co-sleeping, NOTHING
-she generally has a long lunchtime nap now, sometimes with a short one in the morning particularly if she was up very early

I haven't moved her to her own room as I'm up so very, very frequently to settle her. And just to reiterate, she will not co-sleep so this is not a solution,

I am so tired and run down, catching every bug around, and also worried that she is not getting the rest she needs.

Any suggestions?!

Sitting here on my 4th wake up with DS since he went down at 730. I really feel your pain, I’m exhausted. We co sleep too and breastfeeding him is the only thing that settles him. When I was trying to get him and my toddler to nap today it was the first time I thought about sleep training, I feel quite sad about it but I simply cannot function on no sleep anymore whilst working full time and a toddler in tow.

I think night weaning is the only thing that may help. She is quite young, so I would take it very slowly. When I night weaned (my DD was 2 though) I slowly reduced the feed time with a countdown before latching off. I'd then offer snuggles instead. My LO handled it really well, but it was very gradual. Once feeds were very short she dropped them completely herself and started sleeping so much better, only occasionally waking 3/4am for a cuddle then straight back to sleep.

What’s her routine like and how much is she sleeping in a 24 hour period compared to her schedule? Hourly wakings sounds like it could be a sleep pressure issue so capping naps, pushing bedtime later might help with longer stretches. Night weaning might help, but if it’s a sleep pressure problem then it won’t be a magic bullet because she still won’t be tired enough to sleep. Part of why breastfeeding works is it’s so relaxing so she can fall asleep that way, but might not be able to sustain it.

You also don’t need to do any unresponsive sleep training if you don’t want to. It doesn’t work for every child anyway, and some children (and it seems from your previous experience yours might be) just won’t ever settle when they’re so dysregulated and need to you to help coregulate them. Another poster has suggested Lynsey Hookway, and I’d also add It Takes A Village on Instagram and TikTok for advice too. All evidence based on infant sleep science.

The reason I expressed that I think sleep training by letting a child cry is cruel is that it’s something endorsed by many ‘experts’. It teaches a child that if they cry, help won’t come. And if they lose their voice it’s obvious that isn’t doing any good!

Anything is better than letting a child cry - dummies, co-sleeping. Anything. In your case it was an easier fix but that doesn’t work in many cases.

I think the uk has a strange cultural fixation on making babies sleep in their own rooms. I don’t think it’s natural or necessary.

What’s her usual schedule? With wakes that frequent and long, I’d be cutting day sleep and later bedtime - sounds like she doesn’t have enough sleep pressure.
i night weaned between 14-16 months and the only option was to have my DH go in to her. We gradually delayed the time thst I went in.you have to be prepared for tears but they will adjust eventually.

And you absolutely never have to leave them to cry. We never have, mine slept through at 18 months - she just needed to be ready to do that. And def get a floor bed!

Sorry for not responding, am now unwell and can't muster the energy to reply yet. I think the lack of sleep has weakened my immune system a lot.